Foreword:
I'm going to preface this story with the fact that I am still friends with Barkley and I have his permission to tell this story. It is, as you can tell pretty much just me being in the wrong place at the wrong time, or the right place at the right time. I'm sure you're just chomping at the bit to find out exactly what this story is about, so I shall spare you the suspense. - S
Meat & Potatoes:
I seem to attract the most innocent guys lol Virgins, shy guys, guys who have lived in their shell most of their life and a combination of everything in between. It's partially because they think I'm funny or want someone to hide behind in social situations, or the more frequent option, that they want to come along on some kind of crazy ride my life provides. I usually chat with them and if they don't seem crazy I will give them a 1st date/hang out session, where I will decide how I feel about them. Barkley falls right into the norm for guys who message me. He moved here for a job, didn't have a lot of friends and wanted to start exploring the city perhaps with a new friend or potential girlfriend. I don't mind playing tour guide occasionally and he seemed like a really nice guy. So I agreed to meet him for dinner one night.
When I arrived at the restaurant, he looked exactly like his photos. Which is always a crap shoot, so it's really helpful when you can spot them in a crowd without approaching the wrong people in search of your date. lol Barkley and I sit down for our meal and start chatting about nonsense. He seems like a nice enough guy but I don't know if I"m attracted to him at all. As usual I had picked one of my favorite fooding spots so least there's that.
About 15 minutes into our conversation he tells me that he has something he needs to confess about. I immediately start sweating bullets and think about how quickly I could drop some cash on the table and run to my car. Unfortunately, I realize that I don't have any cash on me anyway so I start thinking of excuses I could make. Varying from standing up and shouting, "OMG MY CAR IS BEING TOWED!" to the stern but gracious "Well you seem like a nice guy but that's just a deal breaker for me...". I haven't yet had to use one of these options but I'm always prepared. As the dramatically long pause sits between us I just wait patiently to see what is going to happen.
Barkley: I have a confession to make. Remember when I told you that my room mates are Furries? Well, I am one too.
Me:.........................uhh..........................................(AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <--SCREAMING INSIDE MY HEAD)
Barkley: It's not sexual.......
Me: (*Screaming subsides a bit) Oh, well that's ok I think.... So wait, the only things I know about Furries is from some late night documentary probably on MTV. If it's not sexual, what is it like?
Barkley: It's kind of like having a spirit animal...you just identify with a particular animal, or have attributes similar to a certain animal. For example, I'm a dog and one of the reasons why I am that is because I'm loyal.
Me: Ok....well, I can see how that would work. Do you dress up in a suit and attend furry cons? (Of course this is the first thing I want to know because....I have no idea lol)
Barkley: I don't have a suit because the ones I want are super expensive and I don't want to waste my money on a cheap one.
Me: I see, well that makes sense. (<Insert desperately needed subject change because I'm really uncomfortable and have no idea what to say to him right now>) Hey...there are people behind you from some convention but I can't read their badges. You're closer, can you read them?
Barkley: They're from....the Brony Con.
*** Flashback Begin***
About a week before our date, Barkley asked me if I was afraid of anything. I told him that I was afraid of two things...Bronies and Furries because you can't tell if they're one just by looking at them. That was when he informed me that his room mates are Furries. I spent the next 5 minutes after that joke trying to dislodge my foot from my mouth :-D
*** Flashback Ended***
Me: Fuck, My, Life LOL
Reflection:
We were pretty much done with dinner and I wanted to leave so I suggested to Barkley that we go get ice cream. We had a fun night and ended things in a hug and a 'Let's hang out again' departure. We did hang out again, but for me there were zero sparks. If there's one thing I do, it's give people a fair shot. Not only did I walk away from this experience with a friend, I walked away with a hilarious story as well. The only downside is that after telling people this story they expect me to be well versed in what makes someone a furry.
Actual questions I was asked:
I love my dog, does that make me a Furry?
So, like do the suits have openings for you to stick your junk out of so you can have sex in them?
If I like to wear fur coats, and like to pet fuzzy animals does that make me a Furry?
What if one of my favorite genres of movies is ones like The Rescuers and The Secret of Nimh, does that make me a Furry?
What do people do at Furry Cons?
I once saw some Furries at a bar downtown, and they were dancing on the bar and popping lots of pills...is that guy like that?
Are people who dress up as mascots often Furries?
Are you going to become one?
Can we go to a Furry Con together? I think it'll be hilarious!
Do you know any other Furries?
Is "Furry" just a boarder term for people who really are into animals?
What if you really identify with a reptile....or non-furred animal? Are you still a Furry?
I'm like, the fuck I barely know the guy and then Bronies appeared so I opted for flight rather than fight. However, I do know a bit more now but I didn't see the point in learning much more about it since I didn't plan on becoming one myself for dating one. That and I'm pretty sure that I was in shock at that time... Long story short, I learned another valuable lesson about myself from this interaction. If you want to date me, just say no to animal costumes except on Halloween. :-D
Tuesday, March 25, 2014
Tuesday, March 18, 2014
My How Things Have Changed
Foreword:
Last week's entry with all it's dealings with days gone by, got me thinking about my past and how much I've changed over the years. One story that has always stuck in my mind is the one about the first time I was ever hit on by a woman. -S
Meat & Potatoes:
Let me preface this whole scenario by stating that I was raised by a Bible Thumper. An evangelical, protestant, running around the church speaking in 'tongues' kind of person. She also is a giant hypocrite, among other things, but this is a dating blog so I'm going to keep it that way as much as possible. :-) When I got to college, I had to deal with all of these things I was taught was 'wrong' growing up. I interacted with openly gay people for the first time in a situation that wasn't my Dad's friend I grew up calling "Uncle," or my Mother saying very hateful things about our gay neighbors, who were always so nice to us, I might add. My Dad didn't have any problems with people from different lifestyles and such, and he still doesn't. In fact, when I came out of the closet he was the first person I told, even before my siblings. My Mom on the other hand....well, let's just say that she was fine with me cutting the neighbor's gas for money but we weren't allowed to chit chat with them or anything without her cursing in Korean about them being evil.
It was always my struggle with all the things my Mother's doctrines preached against. Fire and brimstone for fags, sodomites, Jews, Muslims, and whoever else didn't follow her strict beliefs on billions of things. We didn't even eat Pork because she said it was unclean. There were a lot of other animals we shouldn't have been eating but my Mother had a way of picking and choosing which things were for us and which weren't based upon what suited her needs at that moment. I always was just wary of anything different because I feared my Mother's wrath, but I've always been more of the mindset like my Father; that we all are people. That the religious teachings that people are fed don't always explain everything and that sometimes there are things that it is not your place to judge about. Also, that humans are the ones who recorded those books people guide their lives by and well....we all know that everything people write or relay isn't 100% accurate. However, I digress. The point is, that when I got to college I didn't exactly go crazy but I was up for anything...in small doses. I was finally away from the prying eyes of my Mother and out where I could do whatever I damn well pleased. So I did. One of the places that we frequented was the local 18+ gay bar.
Now, I didn't discover my sexuality fully until a few years ago. I was at some points just curious about women, but at the point where this story takes place keep in mind I was barely 18, still a virgin and still coming out of my shell. A group of my friends all went to the gay bar together because it was one of the few places (hell still is) in town where 18 yr olds can get in. You can dance, wash the black X's off your hands and get someone to buy you a few drinks. It was great. I never was much of a drinker until most of the way through my Freshman year, so I really was just into going out and dancing and hanging with my friends. So that's what we did. All danced in a circle together like people still do. Well, sometimes I would get danced with by fabulous gay men who would tell me how pretty I am. However, I never really ever attracted the attention of a woman. Until one fateful night.
I was dancing and someone came up behind me. I just figured it was one of my friends until I realized that I felt boobs in the middle of my back. I was like...oh shit....those are boobs! I looked back and she was pretty. Not one of those scary butchy ones, so I was like, well go me. I decided that I was ok with dancing with her but she was dancing....with a purpose. Hands all over me, which I tried to keep to my waist. Trying to go down my pants, in my pockets, up to my boobs....this girl was set on taking me home. Being that I was still a virgin I was freaking out. I didn't mind the girl dancing with me at all, I did that all the time, but at this point I don't think that I had even ever been kissed. So my Virgin Alarm bells were going off all over the place. I tried walking forward toward my friends, hoping they would help me. She just kept moving forward. Of course, being the great friends they are....they laughed and pointed. They just let it happen. So once they saw the Roman Hands & Russian Fingers of this girl, one of my guy friends scooped me up and spun me away. I was like, thank you...thank you....so relieved... That was, until I looked back at her shocked face and she walked away quickly. I hope she didn't start crying or anything, but I felt bad then. I didn't mean for her feelings to get hurt, I just wasn't ready for what was happening at that moment.
Reflection:
Although the rest of the night went off without a hitch, I still remember it like it happened yesterday. I know what pants I was wearing, that the girl was blonde with short hair, and all kinds of other details. More importantly, I know how I felt and mostly it was surprise. You see, I have zero ability to notice when people are flirting with me, into me...any of it. Always have been that way. So really that was one of the few times that I knew that someone was attracted to me. I had no idea how to react really, so I looked for someone to save me. I get accused of being a flirt, but really I'm just bored and making conversation most of the time. It took years for me to realize that people mistook my friendliness as flirting. As far as I knew, flirting involved actual physical contact. Silly me!
I also just a while later, I had my first drunken make out with a girl. At that point I had started jumping so far away from my Mother's doctrines that I was on my way to trying everything legal. I wondered if I should have reacted differently after I learned that I liked to kiss women. The answer to that is yes, but at the time I really don't know how else I would have reacted. It was only through my decision to come out of my shell that I learned how I felt. I still pushed a lot of those feelings to the back of my mind for many years simply because I felt that I didn't need to rock the boat and didn't have the confidence in what I thought that I might feel to actually spend the time mulling it over. The time when I decided to go for it would come much, much later and it would be the result of a lot of things that happened in my life.
Really this is all about how far I've come. Now, if a cute girl came up to dance with me at the club, I would be all for it. I really do feel bad about my reaction and I wish that I could go back to my 18 year old self and tell her not to freak out. Who knows, maybe if I hadn't freaked out I would have never gotten into my on-again-off-again college relationship that ended badly. Or maybe we would've danced for a bit before one of us bailed.... Probably would've been me considering the whole virgin thing, but ya know...no way to prove a hypothetical situation from the past, so we'll go with the missed Happily Ever After scenario :-)
Last week's entry with all it's dealings with days gone by, got me thinking about my past and how much I've changed over the years. One story that has always stuck in my mind is the one about the first time I was ever hit on by a woman. -S
Meat & Potatoes:
Let me preface this whole scenario by stating that I was raised by a Bible Thumper. An evangelical, protestant, running around the church speaking in 'tongues' kind of person. She also is a giant hypocrite, among other things, but this is a dating blog so I'm going to keep it that way as much as possible. :-) When I got to college, I had to deal with all of these things I was taught was 'wrong' growing up. I interacted with openly gay people for the first time in a situation that wasn't my Dad's friend I grew up calling "Uncle," or my Mother saying very hateful things about our gay neighbors, who were always so nice to us, I might add. My Dad didn't have any problems with people from different lifestyles and such, and he still doesn't. In fact, when I came out of the closet he was the first person I told, even before my siblings. My Mom on the other hand....well, let's just say that she was fine with me cutting the neighbor's gas for money but we weren't allowed to chit chat with them or anything without her cursing in Korean about them being evil.
It was always my struggle with all the things my Mother's doctrines preached against. Fire and brimstone for fags, sodomites, Jews, Muslims, and whoever else didn't follow her strict beliefs on billions of things. We didn't even eat Pork because she said it was unclean. There were a lot of other animals we shouldn't have been eating but my Mother had a way of picking and choosing which things were for us and which weren't based upon what suited her needs at that moment. I always was just wary of anything different because I feared my Mother's wrath, but I've always been more of the mindset like my Father; that we all are people. That the religious teachings that people are fed don't always explain everything and that sometimes there are things that it is not your place to judge about. Also, that humans are the ones who recorded those books people guide their lives by and well....we all know that everything people write or relay isn't 100% accurate. However, I digress. The point is, that when I got to college I didn't exactly go crazy but I was up for anything...in small doses. I was finally away from the prying eyes of my Mother and out where I could do whatever I damn well pleased. So I did. One of the places that we frequented was the local 18+ gay bar.
Now, I didn't discover my sexuality fully until a few years ago. I was at some points just curious about women, but at the point where this story takes place keep in mind I was barely 18, still a virgin and still coming out of my shell. A group of my friends all went to the gay bar together because it was one of the few places (hell still is) in town where 18 yr olds can get in. You can dance, wash the black X's off your hands and get someone to buy you a few drinks. It was great. I never was much of a drinker until most of the way through my Freshman year, so I really was just into going out and dancing and hanging with my friends. So that's what we did. All danced in a circle together like people still do. Well, sometimes I would get danced with by fabulous gay men who would tell me how pretty I am. However, I never really ever attracted the attention of a woman. Until one fateful night.
I was dancing and someone came up behind me. I just figured it was one of my friends until I realized that I felt boobs in the middle of my back. I was like...oh shit....those are boobs! I looked back and she was pretty. Not one of those scary butchy ones, so I was like, well go me. I decided that I was ok with dancing with her but she was dancing....with a purpose. Hands all over me, which I tried to keep to my waist. Trying to go down my pants, in my pockets, up to my boobs....this girl was set on taking me home. Being that I was still a virgin I was freaking out. I didn't mind the girl dancing with me at all, I did that all the time, but at this point I don't think that I had even ever been kissed. So my Virgin Alarm bells were going off all over the place. I tried walking forward toward my friends, hoping they would help me. She just kept moving forward. Of course, being the great friends they are....they laughed and pointed. They just let it happen. So once they saw the Roman Hands & Russian Fingers of this girl, one of my guy friends scooped me up and spun me away. I was like, thank you...thank you....so relieved... That was, until I looked back at her shocked face and she walked away quickly. I hope she didn't start crying or anything, but I felt bad then. I didn't mean for her feelings to get hurt, I just wasn't ready for what was happening at that moment.
Reflection:
Although the rest of the night went off without a hitch, I still remember it like it happened yesterday. I know what pants I was wearing, that the girl was blonde with short hair, and all kinds of other details. More importantly, I know how I felt and mostly it was surprise. You see, I have zero ability to notice when people are flirting with me, into me...any of it. Always have been that way. So really that was one of the few times that I knew that someone was attracted to me. I had no idea how to react really, so I looked for someone to save me. I get accused of being a flirt, but really I'm just bored and making conversation most of the time. It took years for me to realize that people mistook my friendliness as flirting. As far as I knew, flirting involved actual physical contact. Silly me!
I also just a while later, I had my first drunken make out with a girl. At that point I had started jumping so far away from my Mother's doctrines that I was on my way to trying everything legal. I wondered if I should have reacted differently after I learned that I liked to kiss women. The answer to that is yes, but at the time I really don't know how else I would have reacted. It was only through my decision to come out of my shell that I learned how I felt. I still pushed a lot of those feelings to the back of my mind for many years simply because I felt that I didn't need to rock the boat and didn't have the confidence in what I thought that I might feel to actually spend the time mulling it over. The time when I decided to go for it would come much, much later and it would be the result of a lot of things that happened in my life.
Really this is all about how far I've come. Now, if a cute girl came up to dance with me at the club, I would be all for it. I really do feel bad about my reaction and I wish that I could go back to my 18 year old self and tell her not to freak out. Who knows, maybe if I hadn't freaked out I would have never gotten into my on-again-off-again college relationship that ended badly. Or maybe we would've danced for a bit before one of us bailed.... Probably would've been me considering the whole virgin thing, but ya know...no way to prove a hypothetical situation from the past, so we'll go with the missed Happily Ever After scenario :-)
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
Magical Trevor
***And now, a word from our sponsors: Sorry everyone for missing last week's entry. I normally try to write ahead and have stories ready to post, but I had run out and was going to write a post, but then family crisis occurred and well, what can you do. Everything is fine with me, no worries. However, as a special make up bonus, I am going to tell essentially two stories. It's like the Inception version of Dating Apocalypse. Hope you enjoy it, and again sorry about the missed post. - S ****
Foreword:
I personally don't have a whole lot of time to devote to online dating during normal business hours. What can I say? I work a normal job, have a social life that includes organized sports during the weekdays and am usually doing all kinds of stuff on the weekends that needs to be done. Sure, if someone messages me I get a nice little email/notification that cues me to respond, but digging through all the profiles is just a time consuming process. This is partially because I actually read the whole thing, and the other time consuming parts involve me laughing my ass off or scraping my brain off the walls after some idiot blows my mind with their stupidity. So, I, like most people, tend to do a lot of my browsing during the weekends, late at night and of course...while on the toilet. Just being honest here. If you have one too, you do it as well, don't deny it. Anyway, I happened to be messaging this magician on a Saturday afternoon and we decided to just meet for a drink at this local bar we both like. Here's what happened. - S
Meat & Potatoes:
So I walk into this bar and start to look around for the guy I kind of could see in the photos he posted. Basically, skinny white dude who is pale and could use some sun if he probably wouldn't turn into a lobster. His photos on the site were all professional ones of him doing magic and wearing guy-liner in all black ensembles so when he was just in jeans in a t-shirt I was like, "Well, hey now, he looks pretty normal." I see him at the bar, so I sit down next to him and we shake hands and all the usual formalities. For the purposes of this story we'll call him Magical Trevor. I order a drink as well, and we start chatting. Things seem to flow pretty naturally. He's a funny guy, a bit on the weird side, but hey....that's just the kind of people I run into. He's entertaining, funny, and I was just sitting at home anyway, so this is better than doing laundry. The conversation flows well, we seem to be flirting pretty heavily, he's not my usual type physically but we all know that varies anyway. I decide to tell him just because I feel like we might be hitting it off, that I was listed as Bi on the site but I took it down because too many weirdos message you. Well, weirdos message you all the time, but really the numbers are exponential when you have it public that you switch hit. He thanks me for my honesty, but lets me know that it's a deal breaker for him because his Mom is Bi and she left his Dad for a woman and it brings up all kinds of crazy issues for him. I told him that I respected that and mentally prepared myself to Kool Aid Man out of the room when he said "But, I would still like to be friends with you. You are really cool so far, so let's have another drink and chat for a while longer." I was like, sure...why not, we were having fun.
Now that I got my little secret out there, he we started exchanging hilarious stories. I talked about how I have a friend who is a magician and he told me that he hates all other magicians. How when he lived in Cali he would get into bar fights at this club all the magicians hung out with because he couldn't stand them. I was like....wow, someone has some issues with his ego and things, but hey, having crazy as a friend and dating crazy are two different things, so I just listen to his stories and laugh. We talk about family members, and where we've lived and traveled to. Finally, we got on the subject of past relationships. He turned to me at one point and said..."I have this really great story that I actually won an award for when someone used it as the basis of a skit/play." I was like, well now I have to hear it, so he fired away.
Magical Trevor: It was years ago, back when AOL chat rooms were still cool, and dating websites had just started out yet. I found myself on this Goth one because a friend of mine told me about it, and I wasn't having any luck at all but I started talking to this girl on there and she seemed cool enough. Not super weird like the other ones, so we finally decided to meet one day. Back then, you knew that people could alter a photo of themselves but it wasn't as easy or common as it is now. Well, in the photo she had on her profile she was ok looking, nothing to write home about but nothing hideous either. So I arrived at her place and she answered the door. She was dressed head to toe in brown leather. She had on a brown leather corset, brown leather pants, boots of course and a matching collar. The attire she was wearing was the least shocking bit because she looked nothing... NOTHING like her pictures. She looked like the aftermath of a horrible car accident of the girl in the photo. Who knows, maybe that's what happened to her, but her face was deformed....it was bad. Very, very bad. The even more shocking part was when she smiled, she had those fake vampire teeth in. Apparently, she always wore them. I still went inside anyway.
After about 5 minutes of awkward conversation she gets a phone call from a friend who can't figure out what happened to their computer. She looks at me and says "You're good with computers, want to come try and help my friend?" I, not knowing what to say just agreed and it turns out she also needed me to drive since she didn't have a car. We drove out to the middle of nowhere for about 45 minutes in mostly awkward silence, before we got to her friend's place. I was pretty sure that this was some kind of trap and that I would be living in someone's basement forever even as we got to the door. Nothing happened and he just showed me to where he had his computer. I took a look at his computer and he had just kicked the power chord out of the socket. So I fixed it and we were soon on our way back to her place. As we drove back she must have taken all of this as a good sign, so she started flirting with me a lot. We talked and laughed and she started to put the moves on me in the car. As we got closer to her place, things intensified and when we got back to her place she asked me if I would want to come in and have sex. However, before we could actually do that there were some stipulations. We had to do it doggystyle... while watching Interview With A Vampire. It was the only way she could get off.
Me: Well.....did you do it?
Magical Trevor: Hell yes.
Me: OMG, NICE! HIGH 5! *We exchange high 5's and laugh our asses off*
It was probably the single most hilarious story of losing someone's virginity that I had ever heard. I was ashamed to tell him after that great story about mine. It's really boring and commonplace. At college, on a futon in my dorm. My memory is completely horrible, and I'm pretty sure that the guy who I was seeing still had a girlfriend, or they had just broken up...I can't remember. I can't imagine that I would have been ok with losing it to some guy who had a girlfriend. I was very, very sheltered when I got to college and although I had branched out into the world by my sophomore year, I still had some pretty strict values that I was rebelling from. Oh well, I'm sure he remembers, manginas always remember shit like that.
Anyway, back to the story at hand. So eventually the time passes and Magical Trevor lets me know that he needs to meet some friends in a couple hours so he needs to get home to clean up and such. I am also meeting friends that evening, so I need to take off as well. As we walk out he is waiting for me and paid for my drink. Which was unnecessary and nice of him but whatever. As we get outside to say goodbye we hug and I say that we can keep in touch, and that I'm headed down the street which is the opposite of where he was going. So I say that I guess I'll see him later... and that's when he drops the bomb.
Magical Tevor: We could part ways right now, or....we could go have casual sex...
Eloquent as usual, I give a giant bark of a laugh and then quickly realize he's being serious. A few things run through my head very quickly for a moment. The first is flattery, the second is puzzlement because of what he said about his Mom, and the third is me deciding that I just really didn't want to have sex with him. Sure, we had a lovely time together, but I wasn't interested in him physically, really at all. I just wasn't into him like that. However, I wouldn't have sex with someone who said "No you're not good enough to date but I would tap that quickly before I have to meet my friends." Yeah...I just say "Oh, uh....yeah, I'm going to pass on that. Thanks though!" Then quickly run away...the whole 10 feet to the crosswalk.
Of course I can't cross so I wait for the light to change. As I'm standing there awkwardly I look back to see him looking at me debating something, some kind of funny look of amusement on his face. I don't look back again (from all of 10 feet away from him), and resist the urge to run across the street from him and brave traffic, just to make the awkwardness stop. I decide to just take my time, like it was no big deal and just walk to my car like offers for sex like that happen all the time and I turn them down. I walk over to my car and get in and see him riding away on his bike right about the same time I shut my door.
Reflection:
From the safety of my car I can reflect upon the emotions that hit me once the awkwardness wore off. I mean, it was in a way a compliment that he did that. It means that he found me sexy/attractive, etc. But really, with all of the things he told me about himself, I got kind of the feeling that it might have been a bit of desperation. That it was possibly some kind of test. I really wasn't feeling a one... afternoon stand at that moment either, so I guess the shock kind of helped with the knee jerk reaction. It was really an odd feeling that I had right that moment because it was a mix of disgust, anger and flattery. How dare this guy reject me based on something about myself that I didn't choose to be and yet have the audacity to say "you're not good enough to date, but I will bone you." Really dude? That's just low, and the fact that you thought I would potentially say yes to you says a lot about what you think about me. You're not good enough to date, but I will fuck you. Get real dude. Any girl with a shred of self confidence, dignity and standards would've shot you down.
Unless, he was just throwing it out there in the hopes of being shocked. Which, apparently is one approach to dating/hooking up just for sex. It's a numbers game, and although you get a whole lot of no's you also get the occasional yes. Plain rude is what I call it.
However, as time has passed between this event and now, I mostly just laugh at the whole thing. Some guy thought that he could just pick me up like that. Maybe if he had played his cards right and said, "Maybe this whole bi thing can be a deal breaker, but I would like to get to know you before I decide." Then he might have gotten laid, granted you have to give the guy points for honesty but really....wow, just wow.
I think the other thing that really hurt him is that I just didn't find him that physically attractive. I don't generally like blondes to begin with, but he had that whole skinny thing going on. Not that I don't like a lean kind of guy, or your typical skinny nerds, he just looked...frail. Like I could break him. That was just another complete turn off for me. I guess I didn't really think about it since he shut me down so quickly, which also contributed to the whole shocked response. How can we go from 'lets be friends' to 'oh baby, wanna come to my place'.....my brain just doesn't 180 that quickly. The creepiness was just too much.
And now...some funny/creepy photos.
Foreword:
I personally don't have a whole lot of time to devote to online dating during normal business hours. What can I say? I work a normal job, have a social life that includes organized sports during the weekdays and am usually doing all kinds of stuff on the weekends that needs to be done. Sure, if someone messages me I get a nice little email/notification that cues me to respond, but digging through all the profiles is just a time consuming process. This is partially because I actually read the whole thing, and the other time consuming parts involve me laughing my ass off or scraping my brain off the walls after some idiot blows my mind with their stupidity. So, I, like most people, tend to do a lot of my browsing during the weekends, late at night and of course...while on the toilet. Just being honest here. If you have one too, you do it as well, don't deny it. Anyway, I happened to be messaging this magician on a Saturday afternoon and we decided to just meet for a drink at this local bar we both like. Here's what happened. - S
Meat & Potatoes:
So I walk into this bar and start to look around for the guy I kind of could see in the photos he posted. Basically, skinny white dude who is pale and could use some sun if he probably wouldn't turn into a lobster. His photos on the site were all professional ones of him doing magic and wearing guy-liner in all black ensembles so when he was just in jeans in a t-shirt I was like, "Well, hey now, he looks pretty normal." I see him at the bar, so I sit down next to him and we shake hands and all the usual formalities. For the purposes of this story we'll call him Magical Trevor. I order a drink as well, and we start chatting. Things seem to flow pretty naturally. He's a funny guy, a bit on the weird side, but hey....that's just the kind of people I run into. He's entertaining, funny, and I was just sitting at home anyway, so this is better than doing laundry. The conversation flows well, we seem to be flirting pretty heavily, he's not my usual type physically but we all know that varies anyway. I decide to tell him just because I feel like we might be hitting it off, that I was listed as Bi on the site but I took it down because too many weirdos message you. Well, weirdos message you all the time, but really the numbers are exponential when you have it public that you switch hit. He thanks me for my honesty, but lets me know that it's a deal breaker for him because his Mom is Bi and she left his Dad for a woman and it brings up all kinds of crazy issues for him. I told him that I respected that and mentally prepared myself to Kool Aid Man out of the room when he said "But, I would still like to be friends with you. You are really cool so far, so let's have another drink and chat for a while longer." I was like, sure...why not, we were having fun.
Now that I got my little secret out there, he we started exchanging hilarious stories. I talked about how I have a friend who is a magician and he told me that he hates all other magicians. How when he lived in Cali he would get into bar fights at this club all the magicians hung out with because he couldn't stand them. I was like....wow, someone has some issues with his ego and things, but hey, having crazy as a friend and dating crazy are two different things, so I just listen to his stories and laugh. We talk about family members, and where we've lived and traveled to. Finally, we got on the subject of past relationships. He turned to me at one point and said..."I have this really great story that I actually won an award for when someone used it as the basis of a skit/play." I was like, well now I have to hear it, so he fired away.
Magical Trevor: It was years ago, back when AOL chat rooms were still cool, and dating websites had just started out yet. I found myself on this Goth one because a friend of mine told me about it, and I wasn't having any luck at all but I started talking to this girl on there and she seemed cool enough. Not super weird like the other ones, so we finally decided to meet one day. Back then, you knew that people could alter a photo of themselves but it wasn't as easy or common as it is now. Well, in the photo she had on her profile she was ok looking, nothing to write home about but nothing hideous either. So I arrived at her place and she answered the door. She was dressed head to toe in brown leather. She had on a brown leather corset, brown leather pants, boots of course and a matching collar. The attire she was wearing was the least shocking bit because she looked nothing... NOTHING like her pictures. She looked like the aftermath of a horrible car accident of the girl in the photo. Who knows, maybe that's what happened to her, but her face was deformed....it was bad. Very, very bad. The even more shocking part was when she smiled, she had those fake vampire teeth in. Apparently, she always wore them. I still went inside anyway.
After about 5 minutes of awkward conversation she gets a phone call from a friend who can't figure out what happened to their computer. She looks at me and says "You're good with computers, want to come try and help my friend?" I, not knowing what to say just agreed and it turns out she also needed me to drive since she didn't have a car. We drove out to the middle of nowhere for about 45 minutes in mostly awkward silence, before we got to her friend's place. I was pretty sure that this was some kind of trap and that I would be living in someone's basement forever even as we got to the door. Nothing happened and he just showed me to where he had his computer. I took a look at his computer and he had just kicked the power chord out of the socket. So I fixed it and we were soon on our way back to her place. As we drove back she must have taken all of this as a good sign, so she started flirting with me a lot. We talked and laughed and she started to put the moves on me in the car. As we got closer to her place, things intensified and when we got back to her place she asked me if I would want to come in and have sex. However, before we could actually do that there were some stipulations. We had to do it doggystyle... while watching Interview With A Vampire. It was the only way she could get off.
Me: Well.....did you do it?
Magical Trevor: Hell yes.
Me: OMG, NICE! HIGH 5! *We exchange high 5's and laugh our asses off*
It was probably the single most hilarious story of losing someone's virginity that I had ever heard. I was ashamed to tell him after that great story about mine. It's really boring and commonplace. At college, on a futon in my dorm. My memory is completely horrible, and I'm pretty sure that the guy who I was seeing still had a girlfriend, or they had just broken up...I can't remember. I can't imagine that I would have been ok with losing it to some guy who had a girlfriend. I was very, very sheltered when I got to college and although I had branched out into the world by my sophomore year, I still had some pretty strict values that I was rebelling from. Oh well, I'm sure he remembers, manginas always remember shit like that.
Anyway, back to the story at hand. So eventually the time passes and Magical Trevor lets me know that he needs to meet some friends in a couple hours so he needs to get home to clean up and such. I am also meeting friends that evening, so I need to take off as well. As we walk out he is waiting for me and paid for my drink. Which was unnecessary and nice of him but whatever. As we get outside to say goodbye we hug and I say that we can keep in touch, and that I'm headed down the street which is the opposite of where he was going. So I say that I guess I'll see him later... and that's when he drops the bomb.
Magical Tevor: We could part ways right now, or....we could go have casual sex...
Eloquent as usual, I give a giant bark of a laugh and then quickly realize he's being serious. A few things run through my head very quickly for a moment. The first is flattery, the second is puzzlement because of what he said about his Mom, and the third is me deciding that I just really didn't want to have sex with him. Sure, we had a lovely time together, but I wasn't interested in him physically, really at all. I just wasn't into him like that. However, I wouldn't have sex with someone who said "No you're not good enough to date but I would tap that quickly before I have to meet my friends." Yeah...I just say "Oh, uh....yeah, I'm going to pass on that. Thanks though!" Then quickly run away...the whole 10 feet to the crosswalk.
Of course I can't cross so I wait for the light to change. As I'm standing there awkwardly I look back to see him looking at me debating something, some kind of funny look of amusement on his face. I don't look back again (from all of 10 feet away from him), and resist the urge to run across the street from him and brave traffic, just to make the awkwardness stop. I decide to just take my time, like it was no big deal and just walk to my car like offers for sex like that happen all the time and I turn them down. I walk over to my car and get in and see him riding away on his bike right about the same time I shut my door.
Reflection:
From the safety of my car I can reflect upon the emotions that hit me once the awkwardness wore off. I mean, it was in a way a compliment that he did that. It means that he found me sexy/attractive, etc. But really, with all of the things he told me about himself, I got kind of the feeling that it might have been a bit of desperation. That it was possibly some kind of test. I really wasn't feeling a one... afternoon stand at that moment either, so I guess the shock kind of helped with the knee jerk reaction. It was really an odd feeling that I had right that moment because it was a mix of disgust, anger and flattery. How dare this guy reject me based on something about myself that I didn't choose to be and yet have the audacity to say "you're not good enough to date, but I will bone you." Really dude? That's just low, and the fact that you thought I would potentially say yes to you says a lot about what you think about me. You're not good enough to date, but I will fuck you. Get real dude. Any girl with a shred of self confidence, dignity and standards would've shot you down.
Unless, he was just throwing it out there in the hopes of being shocked. Which, apparently is one approach to dating/hooking up just for sex. It's a numbers game, and although you get a whole lot of no's you also get the occasional yes. Plain rude is what I call it.
However, as time has passed between this event and now, I mostly just laugh at the whole thing. Some guy thought that he could just pick me up like that. Maybe if he had played his cards right and said, "Maybe this whole bi thing can be a deal breaker, but I would like to get to know you before I decide." Then he might have gotten laid, granted you have to give the guy points for honesty but really....wow, just wow.
I think the other thing that really hurt him is that I just didn't find him that physically attractive. I don't generally like blondes to begin with, but he had that whole skinny thing going on. Not that I don't like a lean kind of guy, or your typical skinny nerds, he just looked...frail. Like I could break him. That was just another complete turn off for me. I guess I didn't really think about it since he shut me down so quickly, which also contributed to the whole shocked response. How can we go from 'lets be friends' to 'oh baby, wanna come to my place'.....my brain just doesn't 180 that quickly. The creepiness was just too much.
And now...some funny/creepy photos.
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