Foreword:
Today's entry is another guest spot. This time by my good friend M, telling of a birthday dinner gone wrong. Who, by the way is a male. Do you feel the testosterone levels rising already? I know that I do. It's part of my Google stats Blogger provides. -S
Meat & Potatoes:
Its my birthday and no one wants to be alone on their birthday, or so I've heard. My friends were all busy and with no family in town I was desperate. Everyone knows we make really smart choices when we are desperate. In my search to find someone to have a meal with, I had made a connection on a dating site. Of course I didn't pay attention to her blurry and tiny photo where she looked average but not horrible. I had messaged her maybe three emails and not long ones at that. I decided to ask her to meet me for dinner and was shocked that she immediately replied, saying yes. I knew in my gut that something might go wrong but being a happy go lucky and oblivious adventurer, I knew I could handle it. She shows up at the restaurant. She is twenty five years older than her photo and looked like she had been rode hard and put away wet. In all ways of the phrasing that you can imagine.
We sit down to dinner and the waitress takes our drink order and runs off to grab our beverages as quickly as possible. What scared away the waitress you may ask? No, it wasn't the fact that I was sitting across the table from Sloth's (from The Goonies) sister, but rather this fine specimen of a woman took out a pocket knife and started scraping out the dirt from under her fingernails. She was doing this over the table and then brushing the scrapings onto the floor, into the direction of the waitress! I can only imagine the look that I'm giving her, and she blurts out that she's always self conscious about the dirt under her nails because she took a class once where they swabbed every one's nails and created a culture from the bacteria underneath. I didn't have the heart to tell her that scraping them with a dirty pocket knife wouldn't help so I just nod my head and tell her how fascinating it was.
To roll with the punches, and not rudely storm out of dinner on my own birthday in disgust, I do the only thing a man who likes to hunt and appreciates a fine blade does....I engage her about the knife. Before long she has six knives splayed out on the table showing them off to me like any proud knife collector would, who comes ready for a Sharks & Jets style knife fight. The rest of the night goes comparatively well all things considered because I decide to keep the topic on hunting and knives, and away from nail scraping habits.
Reflection:
At the end of the evening, she seemed to think that things went well because she asked me if I wanted to come back to her place. I declined though my balls were very upset with me, they wanted birthday sex. However, in the end I learned a valuable lesson. The Lesson learned here, was that even when you are desperate for a date its better to properly know who they are before asking them out. Or at least have a feeling whether or not they're going to pull out six knives at the dinner table. As my friend tells me all the time don't stick your dick in crazy, and occasionally I actually listen to my personal Jiminy Cricket named S. - M
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
Exploring Your Options
Foreword:
So, my experiences dating women are sadly few. I've noticed that most lesbians are wary of bisexual girls for reasons that vary from the legitimate to the ridiculous. However, every once in a while the stars align and I end up talking to one. This story is about this petite very cute girl who ended up just dropping off the face of the earth, only to reappear again in a surprising place. -S
Meat & Potatoes:
I had started talking to Sandy via of course one of my online dating websites. She was shorter than me (which is saying something as I am at the very bottom of average height for women) and I thought that she had a really cool personality and look to her. As time went on, we would text and talk but she was a workaholic and one of those people who don't pay attention to her phone. So, it took FOREVER to try and set up a meeting. We were supposed to meet once, and she had to cancel because of work and we ended up trying to meet up again but it never happened. However, she did confess a few things to me before we mutually disappeared into the ether.
She had been a lesbian for years, and was by no means a gold star lesbian. Although she is straight laced for work, in her sex life she had been a lot more adventurous. Joining some group sex situations that were a bit different. Having her way with like 3 sets of couples at once, but only entertaining herself with the ladies. Some other things along the same lines, but nothing like super crazy. The thing that she really wanted to stress with me was that she was exploring her options, including men. She had a friend that she had a flirtation with for a long time and they were toying with the idea of dating etc I really didn't care as I never am serious about people until I actually meet them and decide in person. She was cool so far and didn't seem crazy, so that alone put her light years ahead of a lot of people.
The last time I tried to talk to her, we had made tentative plans to hang out (yet again) and when I text her the night before about it she didn't respond. As someone who had disappeared for a day or more before I wasn't worried so I text her the day of and she didn't respond. Nor did she respond ever again. So, me being me I assumed she had found someone or lost interest, so I moved on with my life. That whole attitude that your friends try to instill in you by saying "She blew you off, it's HER/HIS loss!" is basically how I feel whenever things like this happen. If I made a good faith effort to keep our plans and you can't even bother to let me know that you're not down, well....then fuck you. I don't really linger on it though and figure they had their reasons. Rarely, do I ever run into those people ever again anyway, so it's kind of moot point.
Of course, I ran into this person again. I had went to see a friend's band play at a bar on the other side of town. I only had one drink, and ordered some food but I left my tab open. I was so tired when I left (it had been a long work day before that) so I forgot my ID at the bar. I went the next day to get it, and the place was PACKED for an event. They had a bunch of food trucks there, live music going and I was just trying to get my goddamn id. I was exhausted from the week, I had to be somewhere within the next half hour to meet friends and I was dressed like a bum. I quite frankly just wanted to get in and get out. While I was waiting to have a bartender notice me, I spotted Sandy across the room out of the corner of my eye. She looked over at me but hadn't seen that I saw her first and I knew that she recognized me because she kept staring. She was also making the 'come hither' eyes at me and smiling. At first I didn't quite know what to do. She looked really good, clearly because she knew that she was going out lol I was in cut off shorts, a t-shirt and my flip flops that my friend's dog got to chew for a few minutes before I realized what they were doing. Needless to say, I was not looking my best, which did not help things.
After a few moments of just staring at the bartenders, the liquor and pretending that I didn't see her or see how she was looking at me, I decided to just ignore her. I did it for a few reasons. The first being that she stood me up, and that quite frankly is a deal breaker for me. The second being my general irritability and I didn't really want to have to put on my charming face. Third, I was bound by a time crunch and I needed to GTFO so really I wouldn't get to talk to her for more than a minute. So, luckily within the next few minutes I got my card and just left. I did look around the bar before I left and noticed that she had disappeared. Which was good, because then I didn't have to rethink my decision. I left, and the day continued on like it never happened. Now, I know what you're saying...well, obviously you avoided the situation because it was awkward as hell. Yes, in part, but really awkward situations don't bother me. I am confident in my ability to smooth over awkward situations whenever I need to, so it wasn't a factor at all. That was over a year ago, and I haven't run into her since. Even when I've been to that bar, which I know is one of her favorites.
Reflection:
In hindsight, I let my crankiness make my decision really. If I hadn't been in such a rush and so tired, I would have walked right over to her and charmed her pants off. Regardless of how bummy I looked. Personally, I don't think that I'm much to look at, but I know that given the opportunity I have a really good chance of charming people. I just got my Dad's natural likability I guess. Which is really hilarious to me, because I feel like I'm a real jerk to people sometimes. Anyway, the moral of this story is...don't forget your card at the favorite bar or someone who stood you up. Chances are, you'll run into them and have to make the decision I did. It's best to just not put yourself in that situation if you can avoid it. It did make me feel a bit better though that she was basically eye fucking me. So points to my grungy self? I have no idea :-D
So, my experiences dating women are sadly few. I've noticed that most lesbians are wary of bisexual girls for reasons that vary from the legitimate to the ridiculous. However, every once in a while the stars align and I end up talking to one. This story is about this petite very cute girl who ended up just dropping off the face of the earth, only to reappear again in a surprising place. -S
Meat & Potatoes:
I had started talking to Sandy via of course one of my online dating websites. She was shorter than me (which is saying something as I am at the very bottom of average height for women) and I thought that she had a really cool personality and look to her. As time went on, we would text and talk but she was a workaholic and one of those people who don't pay attention to her phone. So, it took FOREVER to try and set up a meeting. We were supposed to meet once, and she had to cancel because of work and we ended up trying to meet up again but it never happened. However, she did confess a few things to me before we mutually disappeared into the ether.
She had been a lesbian for years, and was by no means a gold star lesbian. Although she is straight laced for work, in her sex life she had been a lot more adventurous. Joining some group sex situations that were a bit different. Having her way with like 3 sets of couples at once, but only entertaining herself with the ladies. Some other things along the same lines, but nothing like super crazy. The thing that she really wanted to stress with me was that she was exploring her options, including men. She had a friend that she had a flirtation with for a long time and they were toying with the idea of dating etc I really didn't care as I never am serious about people until I actually meet them and decide in person. She was cool so far and didn't seem crazy, so that alone put her light years ahead of a lot of people.
The last time I tried to talk to her, we had made tentative plans to hang out (yet again) and when I text her the night before about it she didn't respond. As someone who had disappeared for a day or more before I wasn't worried so I text her the day of and she didn't respond. Nor did she respond ever again. So, me being me I assumed she had found someone or lost interest, so I moved on with my life. That whole attitude that your friends try to instill in you by saying "She blew you off, it's HER/HIS loss!" is basically how I feel whenever things like this happen. If I made a good faith effort to keep our plans and you can't even bother to let me know that you're not down, well....then fuck you. I don't really linger on it though and figure they had their reasons. Rarely, do I ever run into those people ever again anyway, so it's kind of moot point.
Of course, I ran into this person again. I had went to see a friend's band play at a bar on the other side of town. I only had one drink, and ordered some food but I left my tab open. I was so tired when I left (it had been a long work day before that) so I forgot my ID at the bar. I went the next day to get it, and the place was PACKED for an event. They had a bunch of food trucks there, live music going and I was just trying to get my goddamn id. I was exhausted from the week, I had to be somewhere within the next half hour to meet friends and I was dressed like a bum. I quite frankly just wanted to get in and get out. While I was waiting to have a bartender notice me, I spotted Sandy across the room out of the corner of my eye. She looked over at me but hadn't seen that I saw her first and I knew that she recognized me because she kept staring. She was also making the 'come hither' eyes at me and smiling. At first I didn't quite know what to do. She looked really good, clearly because she knew that she was going out lol I was in cut off shorts, a t-shirt and my flip flops that my friend's dog got to chew for a few minutes before I realized what they were doing. Needless to say, I was not looking my best, which did not help things.
After a few moments of just staring at the bartenders, the liquor and pretending that I didn't see her or see how she was looking at me, I decided to just ignore her. I did it for a few reasons. The first being that she stood me up, and that quite frankly is a deal breaker for me. The second being my general irritability and I didn't really want to have to put on my charming face. Third, I was bound by a time crunch and I needed to GTFO so really I wouldn't get to talk to her for more than a minute. So, luckily within the next few minutes I got my card and just left. I did look around the bar before I left and noticed that she had disappeared. Which was good, because then I didn't have to rethink my decision. I left, and the day continued on like it never happened. Now, I know what you're saying...well, obviously you avoided the situation because it was awkward as hell. Yes, in part, but really awkward situations don't bother me. I am confident in my ability to smooth over awkward situations whenever I need to, so it wasn't a factor at all. That was over a year ago, and I haven't run into her since. Even when I've been to that bar, which I know is one of her favorites.
Reflection:
In hindsight, I let my crankiness make my decision really. If I hadn't been in such a rush and so tired, I would have walked right over to her and charmed her pants off. Regardless of how bummy I looked. Personally, I don't think that I'm much to look at, but I know that given the opportunity I have a really good chance of charming people. I just got my Dad's natural likability I guess. Which is really hilarious to me, because I feel like I'm a real jerk to people sometimes. Anyway, the moral of this story is...don't forget your card at the favorite bar or someone who stood you up. Chances are, you'll run into them and have to make the decision I did. It's best to just not put yourself in that situation if you can avoid it. It did make me feel a bit better though that she was basically eye fucking me. So points to my grungy self? I have no idea :-D
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things
Foreword:
I get that some people are not as educated as others. We all come from different backgrounds, opportunities and interests. However, I just don't understand how people could not at the very least Google something when it applies to them to even do a little research. Especially, when it comes to your health. That being said, today's entry is another guest spot from B, who had a previous run in with "Whizdummy". Her entry today is short, but oh so baffling just the same. She was talking to his, not very bright guy on <insert generic free dating site here> and he was really annoying, so for funsies she told him that she has herpes to see how he would react. Let's just get right down to it, shall we? My responses and thoughts as usual in red. - S
Meat & Potatoes:
Herp-a-derp: What? How did you get that? (..........You're joking....right?)
B: You know, those chain letters that used to go around on AOL back in like 1997? Yeah, I didn't forward it on, and that's why my bad luck got me. I totally should of sent it to 7 of my closest friends and I wouldn't be in this predicament. (HAHAHA, I never do that and my life is just fine....unless....your bad luck can roll over into crazy people messaging you on dating sites....................oh.........my.......gaaawwwdd....*mind blown)
Herp-a-derp: WOW! Those things work? Crazy. So, like, how long have you had it. Why haven't you gone tot he doctor to get the cure? ( 0.0.......He's still joking and playing along....right?....right?)
B: Well, there is no "cure" and it's been almost 5 years.
Herp-a-derp: Umm, yes there is. Haven't you heard of Abreva and Valtrex? I see those commercials. Duh! How could you have it for five years and not know? I dated a girl that had it and gave me an outbreak and I took Valtrex and BAM! My herpes is gone. (He HAS to be trolling her)
B: Yeah, those just get rid of the actual visible outbreak, it doesn't cure the virus that is inside of you. It's kind of a lifelong thing. If you had an outbreak before, I hate to tell you, but you have herpes. You should probably research it or talk to a doctor since you don't appear to know too much about it.
Herp-a-derp: NO! I'm cured. I don't have it anymore.
B: Um, ok. But you do.
Reflection:
o.O.......................*raises finger to say something but puts it back down* ....................O.o...................WTF?!?! I know what you're thinking. "But, S....he was CLEARLY trolling her." I asked B about it, and the answer to that is no, he was not. He. Was. Dead. Serious. I still can't believe it myself. Why yes my friends, that jerk is out there spreading ST D's around because he is too stupid to actually be concerned about his health. Remember when you were in health class in high school, and they showed you how to put a condom on a banana. Everyone giggled and threw the wrappers at each other. Then they showed you why you shouldn't use oil with a condom. Then....they show you the pictures. The mind ruining, stuff that nightmares are made of. When I saw those the first thing that went through my mind, other than "EEEEWWWWWWWWW" was "Who lets it get that bad before seeing a doctor?!". Well ladies and gentlemen, I have my answer. This guy. I'm sure he's like got James Bond levels of ST D's on his junk. *shudder* I must go shower now and cleanse myself. See ya'll next week.
I get that some people are not as educated as others. We all come from different backgrounds, opportunities and interests. However, I just don't understand how people could not at the very least Google something when it applies to them to even do a little research. Especially, when it comes to your health. That being said, today's entry is another guest spot from B, who had a previous run in with "Whizdummy". Her entry today is short, but oh so baffling just the same. She was talking to his, not very bright guy on <insert generic free dating site here> and he was really annoying, so for funsies she told him that she has herpes to see how he would react. Let's just get right down to it, shall we? My responses and thoughts as usual in red. - S
Meat & Potatoes:
Herp-a-derp: What? How did you get that? (..........You're joking....right?)
B: You know, those chain letters that used to go around on AOL back in like 1997? Yeah, I didn't forward it on, and that's why my bad luck got me. I totally should of sent it to 7 of my closest friends and I wouldn't be in this predicament. (HAHAHA, I never do that and my life is just fine....unless....your bad luck can roll over into crazy people messaging you on dating sites....................oh.........my.......gaaawwwdd....*mind blown)
Herp-a-derp: WOW! Those things work? Crazy. So, like, how long have you had it. Why haven't you gone tot he doctor to get the cure? ( 0.0.......He's still joking and playing along....right?....right?)
B: Well, there is no "cure" and it's been almost 5 years.
Herp-a-derp: Umm, yes there is. Haven't you heard of Abreva and Valtrex? I see those commercials. Duh! How could you have it for five years and not know? I dated a girl that had it and gave me an outbreak and I took Valtrex and BAM! My herpes is gone. (He HAS to be trolling her)
B: Yeah, those just get rid of the actual visible outbreak, it doesn't cure the virus that is inside of you. It's kind of a lifelong thing. If you had an outbreak before, I hate to tell you, but you have herpes. You should probably research it or talk to a doctor since you don't appear to know too much about it.
Herp-a-derp: NO! I'm cured. I don't have it anymore.
B: Um, ok. But you do.
Reflection:
o.O.......................*raises finger to say something but puts it back down* ....................O.o...................WTF?!?! I know what you're thinking. "But, S....he was CLEARLY trolling her." I asked B about it, and the answer to that is no, he was not. He. Was. Dead. Serious. I still can't believe it myself. Why yes my friends, that jerk is out there spreading ST D's around because he is too stupid to actually be concerned about his health. Remember when you were in health class in high school, and they showed you how to put a condom on a banana. Everyone giggled and threw the wrappers at each other. Then they showed you why you shouldn't use oil with a condom. Then....they show you the pictures. The mind ruining, stuff that nightmares are made of. When I saw those the first thing that went through my mind, other than "EEEEWWWWWWWWW" was "Who lets it get that bad before seeing a doctor?!". Well ladies and gentlemen, I have my answer. This guy. I'm sure he's like got James Bond levels of ST D's on his junk. *shudder* I must go shower now and cleanse myself. See ya'll next week.
Tuesday, January 7, 2014
Late Night FB Request
Foreword:
If you are unaware of the way online dating websites are set up, most of them have a 'live chat' option (or at least all the ones I've used) and you can leave this feature on or off as you see fit. I personally, as we have discovered, like to leave it on. Mostly it's just to amuse myself at the expense of the poor drunk man on the other side of the internet trying to get me to come over. This particular story is about a (relatively) well meaning but not very convincing guy who doesn't understand when to stop beating a dead horse. - S
Meat & Potatoes:
GenericGuy(GG): I really like your profile, you seem like a lot of fun.
Me: (While reading his profile and finding it extremely boring...)Thank you.
GG: So, what are you up to?
Me: Catching up on tv, checking email etc nothing too exciting. It is a holiday lol You?
GG: Just relaxing, enjoying being on vacation. Only a few days left.
Me: Ohh, cool, you're on vacation? Doing anything exciting?
GG: I just got back in town. My Mom got married this weekend. Went up to Geneva On The Lake.
Me: How nice. Always odd when parents get re-married
GG: Yea, it was a weird feeling, happy for her though. She deserves to be happy.
Me: Well, what number marriage was it? Hopefully, not Elizabeth Taylor type numbers lol (8+)
GG: 2nd haha
Me: Well, she's got a fighting chance then. After like 3 or 4, I think people are just trying to get more presents :-D
GG: They have been together 10 years
Me: Ok, well that ups the statistics as well I imagine lol
GG: So, are you having any luck on here? (Who just asks that unless they just want to be friends or just is looking for some ass?)
Me: What do you mean?
GG: Meet any good guys?
Me: Oh, you know how these things go, you meet some crazies, and you meet other people of varying craziness
GG: LOL Well, I am going to be honest with you, I really liked your profile and do find you very attractive, but I'm not sure if I am looking for anything serious at this moment. Are you interested in something casual?
Me: Yeah I get a lot of those messages too. Honestly, thanks for not just sending me a message that says 'want to bone' but I'm not really looking for something in the casual realm of things right now, but thanks for the compliment.
GG: No problem, I understand. I hope I didn't offend you. You are very sexy and you look really good in a dress.
Me: lol I'm not offended
GG: I'll be honest, I am a little bummed you aren't interested. You are really sexy.
Me: Well, thanks but I've got enough on my place as far as that goes. I'm sure that you can imagine there's no shortage of guys just looking for sex.
GG: LOL, no, on-going
Me: Oh, you want like a fuck buddy.
GG: Friends with benefits
Me: Same thing
GG: Eh, yes and no. I still would like to hang out not just do booty calls. I just don't have time for a serious relationship but I'm also not a manwhore (Good for you buddy....someone in this world has to balance out the amount of sex my male gay friends are having)
Me: LOL I see, you just want the milk for free
GG: You have such a cute personality
Me: Cute? I hear that I'm feisty all the time...sometimes funny
GG: I like it
Me: Well, aren't you full of compliments
GG: BTW, what is a unicorn?
Me: Oh, it's an unattached female who is willing to be a 3rd for a couple in a threesome or who wants to be a sex buddy for both the male and female in the relationship, but wants none of the relationship aspects.
GG: Never heard of that term haha makes sense
Me: My friend told me about it. I honestly get a ton of people who ask me what it is. I am sure it's on Urban Dictionary. I will add a link in my profile and see how much that cuts down on people just asking me what it means.
GG: Are you sure you're not interested?
Me: Eh, honestly those things never work. (Except for one guy who was awesome...I'm glad that men who can maintain that kind of relationship are out there lol) They always fall in love with me, I'm just saving you heartache.
GG: Maybe you are worried about falling in love with me (Don't flatter yourself...you haven't been that charming yet and your photos portray you as average looking at best)
Me: No, I'm pretty great at compartmentalizing. If I had the desire to try juggling multiple relationships I could probably be poly
GG: lol Are you juggling any right now?
Me: A lady never kisses and tells...however, I only have sex with one person at a time and you would be vying to replace him lol
GG: Is it bad that i want you right now?
Me: You don't even know me. I could be a real bitch.
GG: You don't seem to be one right now. You look good and there is just something about the way you talk...
Me: I'm not generally mean, no...but I can be if I'm provoked (monkeys only fling poo when provoked). I've been told that I'm charming/have a way with words
GG: I bet you would be a lot of fun in the bedroom too. Just a hunch haha
Me: I don't have any complaints...rather I haven't gotten any, but, sex is like pizza, even if it's bad...it's still good. At least if you're a guy. Girls are more difficult. Guys just need some friction and an imagination.
GG: All true haha
Me: It's true, you're simple creatures
GG: Are you even a little tempted by me?
Me: You are very flattering, that's for sure. People do like to be flattered.
GG: Wait til you see what I can do in the bedroom.
Me: Very confident, aren't you? People talk mad game when it comes to that stuff. You'll have to forgive me if I don't believe you.
GG: I just make sure the woman is always pleased.
Me: That's what they all say.
GG: You are right, they do. I just haven't had any complaints.
Me: Because guy's egos are sooo fragile! No one wants to crush their soul.
GG: Well you can be honest if we ever do hook up, ok? So what's your fav position?
Me: Not doggy right now, I took a softball to the knee the other day.
GG: I hope you're ok. You're supposed to catch those in a glove. (Thanks Capt'n Obvious)
Me: I'm fine, stepped in a hole and threw my balance off. It happens.
GG: If you are healthy, what do you prefer?
Me: You certainly have a one track mind :D
GG: Is the sex talk bothering you?
Me: Eh, you're a very focused individual.
GG: Truth be told, I am a very horny individual.
Me: You don't say...I couldn't tell.
GG: If it wasn't for that injured knee I would come bend you over :-)
Me: You are persistent....(Understatement of the century)
GG: Can I get your number? (No joke, there was about 2 seconds after my response before he sent this)
Me: At this point I would just be afraid you would blow it up with texts for me to come over, or dirty photos of yourself....or requests for dirty photos of me...
GG: And what's wrong with that? lol jk (You are sooooo not kidding....)
Me: Well, maybe if you had boobs that would be cool, but let's be honest...penis just isn't very aesthetically pleasing.
GG: True. I wouldn't just blow you up with pics lol I wouldn't mind seeing some of you though...(Ugh...I am so right about him blowing up my phone...also, what is it with guys just being like...we talked all of 2 seconds before this...show me your tits?)
Me: Tisk tisk, I hardly know you sir, and you're offering to bend me over and asking me to send you dirty photos
GG: Don't try to act like you don't like it lol
Me: It is amusing, I'll give you that :-D
GG: Would you like to meet? (Jesus dude......what is this, like the 1000th attempt to lure me to your lair?)
Me: I'm surprised you didn't put in 'meat'....how funny
GG: Now, c'mon I'm not THAT bad...(Debatable sir, debatable)
Me: Sadly, I would have to pass. I'm laying on a bed, with a puppy and I am quite content. (At least he isn't trying to lure me out with things that I could do for him....lol)
GG: I don't mean right this minute (He says because I passed :-p) I meant in general.
Me: (I am so tired of this...it is no longer amusing) Honestly, you're looking for something I just don't have a need for. I'm sorry.
GG: Ok, well...I won't keep bothering you I guess...it's too bad cause you are sexy (He says for the billionth time. Really, the more you say something doesn't make it any more or less true...nor convincing. Also, just saying "Damn, you'se a sexy bitch" isn't exactly alluring)
Me: Again, thanks for the compliment but I just am not looking for any FWB/FB etc
GG: I understand, I am just really attracted to you
Me: It happens occasionally, some guys like the exotic but sturdy look
GG: Anything I can do to change your mind?
Me: Not at the moment no, but thank you just the same.
A few days later...........
GG: Hello?
Me: What, were you just sitting there waiting for me to get online?
GG: You got me
Me: How sad. You are a persistent one that's for sure.
GG: Actually, it popped up and said you signed in & I wanted to message you and apologize about the other day...but it seems you have an attitude towards me :-(
Me: How sweet, you were apologizing. Well, can you blame me?
GG: I guess not...anyway, just wanted to say sorry.
Me: Well thank you for that, it's very sweet of you.
A few weeks later........
GG: Have any luck on here?
Reflection:
Persistent doesn't BEGIN to describe this guy. He just....wasn't anything special. He seemed to be a genuinely nice guy, but just very boring. His screen name consisted of his college, the word guy, and the year he graduated from that college. I mean, doesn't screen names like that remind you of that bit from You've Got Mail? As I know this about myself, normal guys don't do well with me. They're not witty enough, exciting enough, nerdy enough...awkward enough. Yes, I have a thing for the awkward ones. I just want to hug them and help them be less awkward....sad, I know. One of the many things wrong with me. Anyway, I know this entry is long as hell but I just had to show how persistent this guy was. I do think that it was sweet to message me and apologize and not try to give convincing me another go. However, the message much later was somewhere on the border of 'creepy' and 'desperate' which is why I didn't respond. I probably would've had more respect for him if he wasn't super persistent. I just wasn't feeling the strong attraction back. He wasn't what I was looking for, but I did entertain myself for a while. In the end, we all know that's all that matters to me :-D
If you are unaware of the way online dating websites are set up, most of them have a 'live chat' option (or at least all the ones I've used) and you can leave this feature on or off as you see fit. I personally, as we have discovered, like to leave it on. Mostly it's just to amuse myself at the expense of the poor drunk man on the other side of the internet trying to get me to come over. This particular story is about a (relatively) well meaning but not very convincing guy who doesn't understand when to stop beating a dead horse. - S
Meat & Potatoes:
GenericGuy(GG): I really like your profile, you seem like a lot of fun.
Me: (While reading his profile and finding it extremely boring...)Thank you.
GG: So, what are you up to?
Me: Catching up on tv, checking email etc nothing too exciting. It is a holiday lol You?
GG: Just relaxing, enjoying being on vacation. Only a few days left.
Me: Ohh, cool, you're on vacation? Doing anything exciting?
GG: I just got back in town. My Mom got married this weekend. Went up to Geneva On The Lake.
Me: How nice. Always odd when parents get re-married
GG: Yea, it was a weird feeling, happy for her though. She deserves to be happy.
Me: Well, what number marriage was it? Hopefully, not Elizabeth Taylor type numbers lol (8+)
GG: 2nd haha
Me: Well, she's got a fighting chance then. After like 3 or 4, I think people are just trying to get more presents :-D
GG: They have been together 10 years
Me: Ok, well that ups the statistics as well I imagine lol
GG: So, are you having any luck on here? (Who just asks that unless they just want to be friends or just is looking for some ass?)
Me: What do you mean?
GG: Meet any good guys?
Me: Oh, you know how these things go, you meet some crazies, and you meet other people of varying craziness
GG: LOL Well, I am going to be honest with you, I really liked your profile and do find you very attractive, but I'm not sure if I am looking for anything serious at this moment. Are you interested in something casual?
Me: Yeah I get a lot of those messages too. Honestly, thanks for not just sending me a message that says 'want to bone' but I'm not really looking for something in the casual realm of things right now, but thanks for the compliment.
GG: No problem, I understand. I hope I didn't offend you. You are very sexy and you look really good in a dress.
Me: lol I'm not offended
GG: I'll be honest, I am a little bummed you aren't interested. You are really sexy.
Me: Well, thanks but I've got enough on my place as far as that goes. I'm sure that you can imagine there's no shortage of guys just looking for sex.
GG: LOL, no, on-going
Me: Oh, you want like a fuck buddy.
GG: Friends with benefits
Me: Same thing
GG: Eh, yes and no. I still would like to hang out not just do booty calls. I just don't have time for a serious relationship but I'm also not a manwhore (Good for you buddy....someone in this world has to balance out the amount of sex my male gay friends are having)
Me: LOL I see, you just want the milk for free
GG: You have such a cute personality
Me: Cute? I hear that I'm feisty all the time...sometimes funny
GG: I like it
Me: Well, aren't you full of compliments
GG: BTW, what is a unicorn?
Me: Oh, it's an unattached female who is willing to be a 3rd for a couple in a threesome or who wants to be a sex buddy for both the male and female in the relationship, but wants none of the relationship aspects.
GG: Never heard of that term haha makes sense
Me: My friend told me about it. I honestly get a ton of people who ask me what it is. I am sure it's on Urban Dictionary. I will add a link in my profile and see how much that cuts down on people just asking me what it means.
GG: Are you sure you're not interested?
Me: Eh, honestly those things never work. (Except for one guy who was awesome...I'm glad that men who can maintain that kind of relationship are out there lol) They always fall in love with me, I'm just saving you heartache.
GG: Maybe you are worried about falling in love with me (Don't flatter yourself...you haven't been that charming yet and your photos portray you as average looking at best)
Me: No, I'm pretty great at compartmentalizing. If I had the desire to try juggling multiple relationships I could probably be poly
GG: lol Are you juggling any right now?
Me: A lady never kisses and tells...however, I only have sex with one person at a time and you would be vying to replace him lol
GG: Is it bad that i want you right now?
Me: You don't even know me. I could be a real bitch.
GG: You don't seem to be one right now. You look good and there is just something about the way you talk...
Me: I'm not generally mean, no...but I can be if I'm provoked (monkeys only fling poo when provoked). I've been told that I'm charming/have a way with words
GG: I bet you would be a lot of fun in the bedroom too. Just a hunch haha
Me: I don't have any complaints...rather I haven't gotten any, but, sex is like pizza, even if it's bad...it's still good. At least if you're a guy. Girls are more difficult. Guys just need some friction and an imagination.
GG: All true haha
Me: It's true, you're simple creatures
GG: Are you even a little tempted by me?
Me: You are very flattering, that's for sure. People do like to be flattered.
GG: Wait til you see what I can do in the bedroom.
Me: Very confident, aren't you? People talk mad game when it comes to that stuff. You'll have to forgive me if I don't believe you.
GG: I just make sure the woman is always pleased.
Me: That's what they all say.
GG: You are right, they do. I just haven't had any complaints.
Me: Because guy's egos are sooo fragile! No one wants to crush their soul.
GG: Well you can be honest if we ever do hook up, ok? So what's your fav position?
Me: Not doggy right now, I took a softball to the knee the other day.
GG: I hope you're ok. You're supposed to catch those in a glove. (Thanks Capt'n Obvious)
Me: I'm fine, stepped in a hole and threw my balance off. It happens.
GG: If you are healthy, what do you prefer?
Me: You certainly have a one track mind :D
GG: Is the sex talk bothering you?
Me: Eh, you're a very focused individual.
GG: Truth be told, I am a very horny individual.
Me: You don't say...I couldn't tell.
GG: If it wasn't for that injured knee I would come bend you over :-)
Me: You are persistent....(Understatement of the century)
GG: Can I get your number? (No joke, there was about 2 seconds after my response before he sent this)
Me: At this point I would just be afraid you would blow it up with texts for me to come over, or dirty photos of yourself....or requests for dirty photos of me...
GG: And what's wrong with that? lol jk (You are sooooo not kidding....)
Me: Well, maybe if you had boobs that would be cool, but let's be honest...penis just isn't very aesthetically pleasing.
GG: True. I wouldn't just blow you up with pics lol I wouldn't mind seeing some of you though...(Ugh...I am so right about him blowing up my phone...also, what is it with guys just being like...we talked all of 2 seconds before this...show me your tits?)
Me: Tisk tisk, I hardly know you sir, and you're offering to bend me over and asking me to send you dirty photos
GG: Don't try to act like you don't like it lol
Me: It is amusing, I'll give you that :-D
GG: Would you like to meet? (Jesus dude......what is this, like the 1000th attempt to lure me to your lair?)
Me: I'm surprised you didn't put in 'meat'....how funny
GG: Now, c'mon I'm not THAT bad...(Debatable sir, debatable)
Me: Sadly, I would have to pass. I'm laying on a bed, with a puppy and I am quite content. (At least he isn't trying to lure me out with things that I could do for him....lol)
GG: I don't mean right this minute (He says because I passed :-p) I meant in general.
Me: (I am so tired of this...it is no longer amusing) Honestly, you're looking for something I just don't have a need for. I'm sorry.
GG: Ok, well...I won't keep bothering you I guess...it's too bad cause you are sexy (He says for the billionth time. Really, the more you say something doesn't make it any more or less true...nor convincing. Also, just saying "Damn, you'se a sexy bitch" isn't exactly alluring)
Me: Again, thanks for the compliment but I just am not looking for any FWB/FB etc
GG: I understand, I am just really attracted to you
Me: It happens occasionally, some guys like the exotic but sturdy look
GG: Anything I can do to change your mind?
Me: Not at the moment no, but thank you just the same.
A few days later...........
GG: Hello?
Me: What, were you just sitting there waiting for me to get online?
GG: You got me
Me: How sad. You are a persistent one that's for sure.
GG: Actually, it popped up and said you signed in & I wanted to message you and apologize about the other day...but it seems you have an attitude towards me :-(
Me: How sweet, you were apologizing. Well, can you blame me?
GG: I guess not...anyway, just wanted to say sorry.
Me: Well thank you for that, it's very sweet of you.
A few weeks later........
GG: Have any luck on here?
Reflection:
Persistent doesn't BEGIN to describe this guy. He just....wasn't anything special. He seemed to be a genuinely nice guy, but just very boring. His screen name consisted of his college, the word guy, and the year he graduated from that college. I mean, doesn't screen names like that remind you of that bit from You've Got Mail? As I know this about myself, normal guys don't do well with me. They're not witty enough, exciting enough, nerdy enough...awkward enough. Yes, I have a thing for the awkward ones. I just want to hug them and help them be less awkward....sad, I know. One of the many things wrong with me. Anyway, I know this entry is long as hell but I just had to show how persistent this guy was. I do think that it was sweet to message me and apologize and not try to give convincing me another go. However, the message much later was somewhere on the border of 'creepy' and 'desperate' which is why I didn't respond. I probably would've had more respect for him if he wasn't super persistent. I just wasn't feeling the strong attraction back. He wasn't what I was looking for, but I did entertain myself for a while. In the end, we all know that's all that matters to me :-D
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