Ass Burgers

Foreword:

Ever have a friend or a person so intent on finding someone similar to them that they read everything you do as you having the same disorder as them? No....well then, that's normal lol I had an interesting conversation with a man who was so sure that I have Asperger Syndrome. Yes ladies and gentlemen, diagnosis via dating profile. This is a first for me and now I am sharing this momentous occasion with you. - S

Meat & Potatoes:

AssBurgers (AB): I just have to say your profile is awesome. Oddly a lot of your characteristics remind me of myself. Have a great day and DFTBA

Me:  I'll be honest, I had to look up DFTBA (Which is "Don't Forget To Be Awesome"..pssh, like that is even possible) lol I'll truly never try to forget that. Question, why are you on here if you're seeing someone? I know it says friends, but 90% of people on there who say that are liars lol

AB:  As stated in my profile, I'm very honest. So, with that in mind, I am indeed seeing someone, she lives 120 Miles away. I love her very much. I see love differently than most as I was raised in household with polyamorous parents. I am here looking for interesting people to either take over the world with and/or for good conversations. I find no reason to hide my intentions or lie, it's simply wastes both parties time.

I reached out to you because maybe you need a partner in crime. Every semi-crazy person needs someone to tell them it's alright. Plus like I said you describe yourself like an aspie. I love meeting other people who see the world as I do. Rational and calculating.

Me:  Lots of people saaayy they're honest lol However, I get it. I've poly friends and I respect that lifestyle.

I'm always down for adding to my crime ring lol I've always thought I was different than others so maybe I am one. My Dad has 3 PhD's in psychology but I'm always explaining my Dad's crazy ass actions to others so who knows lol I honestly don't know much about it. I'll have to look it up when I'm bored this weekend in between sets. I'm heading down out to do Press at a music festival in a few hours. You up to anything interesting this weekend?

AB:  I don't even know why I brought up the damn poly thing. Shit now I look like I'm try to pick you up. Not my intention. I just hate how some humans have this perspective that one human can only "love" on other person. I care about everyone I know. That is, if they can tolerate my oddness for long enough to realize I push people away because I'm afraid of being used. Damn it still sounds like I'm trying to pick you up.

This weekend my Father is coming down for a bike ride. Saturday night and Sunday are free.

Maybe there is a museum or something we can walk around and stare at art and discuss what drugs the artist was on.

If you think I have candid intentions, ask me directly. I have trouble with things when they are not put directly. I also have a hard time with sarcasm. I still keep rereading your profile, and smirking at all the shit that I do too.

Do you ever do that thing were you start talking and keep talking and don't even realize the person you are talking to doesn't even care?

How about taking a really small problem that most everyone else would just let pass by, and instead you focus on it with so much effort and make it into a big deal? ~My boss loves this about me.

Does the humming of fluorescent lights in a quiet room make you want to scream?

Me:  LOL calm down, I'm not one of those conceited people who assumes everyone is trying to pick them up all the time. However, this is a dating site, so the assumption isn't horribly off :-p I believe you.

Well that is a really cool thing to have in common. My Dad & I are both athletes but he's too old to play stuff with me anymore lol Our main pastime is picking on my siblings and my niece. Still a lot of fun.

Are you referring to the not quite downtown area? lol Because that's just one giant art district essentially.

I just assume that no one cares about what I'm saying unless we're talking about something in common. If I'm really bored I'll just keep changing subjects until we have something to chat about. lol

I do that from time to time, but I'm more of a 'meh, it'll work out' or I'm the one fixing everything lol

I only hear the humming of fluorescent lights if the light is about to die. I do have really oddly broad hearing range. However, when I do hear it...yes, it's a problem lol. I think that may be why I always listen to music. It covers things up :-) Speaking of music, I'm supposed to be researching bands for interview questions. Well back to work!

I just took an online Aspie test, and my score was a 9/50. I think that I'm more....a no bullshit person lol Also, highly logical. I'm pretty sure my friend Hermit is an aspie though and I love him just the same :-) (If you're reading this Hermit, you probably aren't really an Aspie after my taking the more extensive test and learning a lot more about the disorder. I still love you just the same though :-) )

AB:  Did you take this one? http://rdos.net/eng/Aspie-quiz.php

"Is it OK for a person in a serious relationship to use a dating site to make new friends?"

"No Hell. No. I'm not the jealous type but c'mon.... "

Well, so that's a bit awkward.

Hope the festival is/did treat you well.

Me:  Lol I forgot I answered that one. Honestly, I answered differently for that one at first but like I said most guys who are in your situation are liars. They're on here looking for a 3rd or married men looking for a mistress, or they're poly and say 'well, I look for friends first but...'. I told you that I respect the lifestyle, but I'm not interested in it myself. Like I said, I believed you when you say that you're really looking for friends. It's just that most people are liars. (HOUSE WAS RIGHT! YOU KNOW IT! I KNOW IT! WE ALL KNOW IT! EVERYONE LIES!!!!)

The festival is good. I'm just chilling for most of the day. We don't have to be there until like 3 today :)

I took that quiz you linked me to, it's much more in depth.

Your Aspie score: 48 of 200 Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 178 of 200 You are very likely neurotypical

AB:  Heading out of town with the sig other for the weekend. I also have to be out of town the weekend of the 20th. :-( Sooner or later we can do something. Maybe you aren't an aspie, you are still a cool person

Me:  Awww how fun! Oh well, there's always later lol Thanks you seem cool too :) Have fun!

AB:  Monday = Done. Work was meh, power went out a few times. Weekend was good, had some really deep conversation with the Fiance about why I am on a dating site. She came to realize that as I am someone attracted to both sexes it is difficult to get everything from one person. I know we don't know each other well, but I was curious to know how you might feel if your Bi fiance said he was interested in also dating men.

*Message was sent while I was a bit drunk. I don't drink to often so this stuff really screws with me.

Me:  Aaah. Well, I know people who are like that, who need both. I personally, prefer men I'm just open to women. However, lesbians tend to shy away from Bi girls because they don't trust or understand them. I am also a monogamous person at heart, so I can't really speak so much other than what I know of my poly friends. They tend to want one person to have all the socially positive stuff. Someone to take places, get tax cuts and such, so it complicates and simplifies things at the same time. Emotions are funny things for most people, they can't always logic their way out of them. Personally, I don't know how I would feel as I'm not even remotely the jealous type, and it would open things up for me on the female side so I dunno really. It would probably be like if he said that he wanted to see other women personally. Is your relationship not poly already? That would really throw a wrench in the works lol

I get messages like this all the time. I apparently have a 'tell me your secrets' or 'you look like you're understanding/give good advice' face :D​

***Read by AssBurgers

***Sorry, AssBurgers no longer has an account

Reflection:

This is one of those situations where I feel, that people project their own situation onto others based on really what they want to see. People are always looking for a kindred spirit. However, where I just do things because I think that they're funny or deal with a lot of nonsense, I could see where he could have gotten the impression that I had some kind of social disorder. Whereas, I am always aware of how I appear to others. I just don't give a flying fuck anymore. I think that his dropping off of the face of the earth had to do with his situation with his lady more than anything else. I did however find it odd how frequently he re-read my profile. I mean, I'm funny but I'm not THAT funny....Meh, whatever. What do I want to take away from this experience? There's a fine line between a discerning eye on these dating sites and diagnosing actual conditions. But hey, I say keep it coming because I am always amused by the things said to me in some manner. It's a bit like guys always sharing their farts with other guys, girls just don't understand why they do that....most don't understand why I interact with so many weirdos. Who cares, whether or not you understand me fully and my reasons behind this...just be entertained. Happy New Year everyone, go forth and enjoy 2014.

Feel The Burn

I want to first and foremost wish everyone a Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas.  I am going to stick some funny holiday themed photos at the bottom here, as I did for Thanksgiving.  This may become a tradition...maybe. :-)

Foreword:
I don't know how much you know about sexuality and what people find attractive, the reasons behind it etc.  However, I have found with a lot of people who swing both ways, that they are very specific in what draws them to another person.  For example, some people are completely personality based, only like a certain hair color, or even a specific nationality.  I occasionally find myself talking to bisexual men because, well...who am I to cast stones for being attracted to both?  In any case, this is a story about a guy who really wanted me to send him a photo of me mostly naked and why. - S

Meat & Potatoes:
After chatting for a while on <insert generic dating website here> I finally let this Bi guy (We will call him Pinky, because every photo he ever sent me/had in his profile was of him in some kind of pink article of clothing.) have my phone number and we started texting.  For me, this was a big deal because it was back when I first started online dating.  I was much more conservative and less likely to give out my number or even hang out with people in person.  So when Pinky was finally allowed to text me, I was more than a bit curious to see what would happen. Of course, he took no time in asking me to give him a naughty photo of him.

Pinky:  I'm very picky when it comes to women.  I like dark hair, and dark eyes and they have to be very petite.  I can't tell from your photos so send me one.
Me:  Ok, sure *sends him of me full body completely clothed*
Pinky:  Cute!  But, I meant something more revealing.
Me:  Revealing how?  Like, undressed?
Pinky:  I'll just show you.
Me:  Oh, you're just in your underwear (Specifically, pink jockey shorts with blue stripes)
Pinky:  Yeah, so you've seen me now, show me you.
Me:  I don't know, I've never sent dirty photos of myself before.  Let me see if I can get a good one...ok, sent.
Pinky:  It's just of your butt from behind, and your boobs separately.  I want to see the whole thing, and your face.
Me:  Yeah, that's not going to happen.  Sorry, you can just meet me in person sometime and see.  Although, I am not getting naked.  You can see my figure just fine through my clothes.
Pinky:  I don't want to waste your time or mine, so I don't want to meet you unless you show me and I like what I see.
Me:  Well then, lets not waste each other's time at all because that's not going to happen.

Pinky and I still exchanged a few comments/texts after that but we never met up.  Months later, I got a random text from him and had to remember who he was.

Pinky:  Well, I definitely think that I got an STD again.  It burns like a mother when I pee and I have this gross discharge the same color.  This is like the 3rd or 4th time, I think it's one of my regular fuck buddies.
Me:  Uhm, you have the wrong number.
Pinky:  Oh, sorry, wrong person.

Reflection:
I do believe that I dodged a bullet on that one.  Who regularly catches STD's?  Also, it was really annoying that he wanted to jump straight into the dirty photos section of our 'relationship'.  Later on, after I had been online dating a while I discovered that asking for naughty photos within the same hour of talking online and getting a phone number is perfectly normal.  Granted, I don't send naughty photos that fast but you would be surprised at how quickly men are willing to send dirty photos of themselves in hopes of getting one in return.  I've also discovered that guys are way more likely to put their face in a naughty photo because either they don't care or want the woman to know that it's actually them.  This is all theory of course.  Then there are those who don't send naughty photos at all, and I respect them for that.  Sending dirty photos is probably something that should only be done when you are in a committed relationship with someone and they are less likely to put up fliers all around town.  Either way, not giving in to this guy's demands not only saved me from potential rejection but also potential doctor bills.  Cheers to saving money at the very least.

Speaking of "cheer" I shall now put those aforementioned funny photos.  Happy Holidays!

Under Pressure

Foreword:
Occasionally, I'll decide that the person I'm talking to isn't batshit crazy (or let's be honest, amusing to me) so they'll make it into my phone.  Eventually, after that I'll kick them to the curb or decide that we need to hang out in person.  More often than not, if we make it to the in person stage and sparks aren't flying, we'll end up friends.  This story is about the 2nd or 3rd hangout with a good friend of mine we'll call Agent Q.  I'm just going to set the stage in stereotypes so that you can fully picture my friend here.  Pale rocker guy who works in IT, now mix that with Agent Q from the recent bond film Skyfall and you'll have some generic things to build off of that may or may not reflect my friend.  Now that you've substituted my friend mentally for someone who works/worked in your IT department and one of the hottest nerd characters out there you can enjoy the story even more.  Personality wise, these guys are generally very sweet, a bit rough around the edges, plagued by varying health issues (more often than not due to a poor man-food based diet and a lack of culinary skills), a fabulous sarcastic wit and knowledge of everything nerdy.  In short, someone I would spend time with and introduce to the marvelousness of certain British shows like The Inbetweeners, Misfits and...well, I could go on but my nerdy TV habits are not the focus here.  Let us begin our tale, shall we?  - S

Meat & Potatoes:
It was a Friday or Saturday night, and I had invited M to my place for an
The Inbetweeners marathon.  I love the pizza place about 2-3 blocks from my house so we ordered some noms for pickup and ventured out to get it.  Normally I walk there and back because it's so close but Agent Q insisted on driving to maximize the amount of episodes he could view before returning home.  Everything went smoothly picking up the pizza and paying for it.  So we got in the car and Agent Q put his car into reverse and we drifted back....and didn't stop slowly drifting back.

Apparently my friend needed new brakes, but didn't realize how bad it really was.  So, in a state of panic and fear (while going about a millimeter a second) he starts trying to steer the car into a curb behind us or something, turning the wheel wildly and repeatedly pressing the brakes.  I let this go on for about 15 seconds before I touch his arm gently and say "Q...the parking brake".  He blinks a few times at me says "Oh..." and slams on the parking break, bringing us to a complete jerking stop.  If I had been in his situation I would've used it to gradually slow us down.  It was one of those giant lever parking brakes that he could have gradually used to slowly stop us, rather than the ones more popular today that are a damn button.

Once we came to a complete jerking halt he reaches over to me and says "Are you OK?"  Well, I looked quickly around and we couldn't have gone more than 10 feet backwards.  We hadn't even fully left the parking space. I repressed my wanting to hysterically laugh at him and the situation and managed to tell him that I was fine.  I mean, how hurt can you get after drifting about 10 feet at a snail's pace.  He was a bit freaked out and clearly not the best under pressure situations like this, and didn't know what to do about his car.  I of course had the simple solution of calling AAA when he had to leave an him riding in the tow truck back to his place.  I also explained to him that he could leave his car here or we could use the parking brake a bit more subtly to get his car back to my place.  He opted to take his car back to my place and we made the very nervous (on his part) trip back to my place.  The rest of the evening went on without incident, until the tow truck guy got there.

I had towed my car to the repair shop like a week or two before and it was the same tow truck guy who showed up at my place last time.  He remembered me apparently, and stated such.  I just smiled at him, said that the towing service included any vehicles that I was using as transportation at the time of the breakdown and I wanted this vehicle to go to the location of my friend's choice, also that my friend would be riding with him to that location.  I also informed him that the location was within my mileage allowance as well.  I'm not sure if the tow truck guy was looking for a bribe or something, but I kind of thwarted that plan by actually knowing the terms and conditions of my membership.  Which, I also found hysterical because I'm sure that he got other people frazzled before.  Nice try dude.  :-D

Reflection:
In the end, this is just a quick funny story.  Our hang out could technically be considered a date since we decided to just be friends after this happened, but it always comes to mind whenever people tell funny stories where people flip out and don't know what to do.  The true lesson from this story?  This is more proof that I'm probably going to be a survivor during the zombie apocalypse and you should join me when I set up my camp.  Provided, you also have balls of steel.

Shorts - Retorts That Scare People Away

Foreword:

I’m going to be honest here...sometimes, I’m just bored.  That or I feel especially fiesty that day. These poor men who bring half assed conversation starters occasionally feel my wrath.  In the spirit of honesty, there are TONS more where I said something snarky back and they liked it, which spurred further conversation.  Below are 4 of the more interesting/painful/funny ones.  If people like this, then maybe I’ll dig through and find some others. - S

Meat & Potatoes:

Random Guy #1 (RG1):

RG1:  Hi baby girl

Me:  It's a bit odd calling someone 6 years older than you 'baby girl' don't you think?​  (*crickets)

Random Guy #2 (RG2):

Me:  LOL who lists Nelly as their favorite artist? Also, holding hands while skipping is the best...especially if there are adults around.

RG2:

A) Nelly is awesome (That's a no brainer).

B) True, hand holding begets skipping (and versa vice).

C) Good call on including Back to the Future III and excluding Chloroformophiles.

Me:  Well, I must say...I appreciate some classic Nelly that's for sure. There is a Pandora radio station called Class of the 2000's. It's essentially a lot of Nelly, Eminem, and other lovely bands from that time :-)

*takes a bow* Thank you, thank you. I try to make good decisions in movies and not being drugged. Call me crazy, but I feel like it's an essential part of life. (I’m not sure if he just lost interest or what, but my ego is saying that he couldn’t keep up with the witty banter so he disappeared.  Which I always find puzzing.  Perhaps I did something wrong in what I said to piss him off or turn him off.  It’s possible, I’m not perfect :-D However, this is more of an example than anything else really.)

Random Guy #3 (RG3):

RG3:  when you turn chat 'off' does it let you keep chatting with already open chats? or does it close them too?

Me:  I don't know....do I look like the OKC help desk? lol

RG3:  you were the only one who had chat turned on at the time, ie: girls *never* have their chat on. so i figured you use it sometimes and might know. (A valid point!  Holy crap, these are RARE on here!) the help desk is imaginary, lol. l8r.(I like how you explained the joke…..sheesh)

Random Guy #4 (RG4):

RG4:  Finally someone that loves Coming To America. My coworkers don't appreciate the awesomeness that was that movie. I tend to quote it here and there but no one gets it.

Me:  I quote random shit all the time lol Most of my friends love it. It's just a glimpse into what it's like to walk around inside my head :-D My best friend barked like a dog as part of a jokey/funny conversation and I said...."Bark like a BIG dog!" and she went "Ah-WOOF, AH-WOOF!" Then everyone laughed hysterically :-) Ahhh Coming To America :-)

RG4:  Lol :)

Me:  I always wonder why people just respond with LOL or 'hey' 'hi' 'what's up?' I'm not sure what to say next. Whatever I said isn't THAT exciting that there can't be a follow up :-D

RG4:  I'm sorry. I suck. (You said it buddy, not me)

It was funny though. Sometime I respond with "Ha!". I sometimes have trouble following up. It's something that I do need to work on.

I hate it when I quote something and no one gets what I'm saying. It tends to lead to uncomfortable silence.

Me:  but, see I got it ;-) So that's supposed to spur more topics. poor thing lol (Come on buddy, I’m trying to help you.  It’s my good deed for the day…  Oh well :-D  I pay for the premium subscription that lets you know if someone read it or not.  He read the last comment and still didn’t reply.  I think that he figured out that he already sucks so he didn’t bother.  I mean, he even admitted it himself lol)

Reflection:

In retrospect I may have been a bit of a bitch to some of them.  However, if they can’t take a little bit of being made fun of, then they weren’t a fit anyway.  I take being picked on myself pretty well and I like the fun playful banter that goes along with it.  And yet...I’m always surprised by how not ‘with it’ people can be.  Who knows, maybe I’m just expecting a certain level of conversation that keeps not happening.  Is it so much to ask?!?!  Probably. :-D  

Randomly Sweet Articles From Creepy Men

Foreword:

Some of the men/women who message me have the nicest messages.  They compliment me, say sweet and/or funny things.  Comment in ways that let me know that they actually read my profile.  Of course when anyone sees such lovely words (grammatical errors overlooked) they get excited to read their profile and check out their photos.  Unfortunately, there are a lot of guys who have horribly creepy photos on their page.  That always makes me sad, but I figure that I can’t make fun of everyone all the time, so I’m going for the collective “Awwww!!” this week.  Also, perhaps the men reading this post will get a few ideas on how to properly message a woman.  Enjoy! -S

1-  Hi S. I would like to say that you truly are very gorgeous in your pics. U are so gorgeous that there is not even a word that could even come close to telling how gorgeous u truly are. I cant believe a gorgeous woman like you is single cuz u are so beautiful that u could have any guy in the world. I would really like to get know u. And see were things will go. If you are interested you are more then welcome to message me back

2-  Well hello, I just came your profile and was kinda surprised to see a very attractive women with intellect and sarcasm lol. Ill admit 87% match isn't a bad thing as well, so I decided to send you a message. I promise I don't own stock in chloroform lol, but I do own a few shares in Whole Foods. I just wanted to introduce myself. My name is Carl, how's your day going?

3- I think yours is the most interesting profile I have ever read! Just thought I'd let you know. If any of this means anything to you, I think <Generic City Where I live> is awesome (I have a good friend there), I am a photographic connoisseur of drag, I have NO rhythm and therefore consider it harmful to my health to even attempt to dance, isn't being honest to a fault so much fun sometimes?, and I live my life like an open book as well. It's a sign that you love your life and who you are :)

4- Hello how are you doin you are just so very very beautiful and I would love the chance to get to know you I have a big heart and a great sense of humor

5- You look amazing! Hello, my name is Ed. I am 39, 5'10", stocky with brown hair and eyes. I love movies, music, sports and reading; really up for anything with the right person. Looking to date the right woman and see what develops. I would love to get to know you. What do you think? Hope to hear from you.

6- Hello. I think you should talk to me because.

- I am likewise awesome

- I'm not looking for a 3rd , or a second for that matter. I did find a unicorn once at the end of a rainbow once, but he wouldn't shut the fuck up

- Anybody who sets up a joke just for a pinky and the brain reference can't be half bad, and quite honestly I have to hear it

-I have not been to a lot of concerts , but I've been to 1.5 awesome ones, and that should count for something.

- I need more humor, and my cats have terrible delivery.

7- Hi S, you have a sweet smile. Let's chat sometime

8- You're gorgeous. May I have the pleasure of getting to know you better?

9 - First of all, you are distressingly gorgeous...There’s a post dedicated to this guy and you can read the full blog here.

Reflection:

After months and months of time on dating websites, it’s interesting to know that people who actually read your profile are out there somewhere.  It’s easy to forget sometimes when you’re constantly plagued by crazy people, but that’s a risk you have to be willing to take when you date in any format, I guess lol

Apparently I'm Psychic

Foreword:

I've been working on my mind reading skills since I was old enough to realize that I am not Jean Grey.  Sadly, I haven’t perfected this skill (Or developed anything even remotely similar to telepathy or telekinesis.  Well, other than my ability to move people away from me  with just one snarky comment...) but I have learned that I am very intuitive when it comes to people.  Occasionally these skills surprise even myself.  Of course this became a valuable tool when I decided to join the online dating scene.  Which brings us to this week’s blog.  This poor unsuspecting man has found himself inside my crystal ball and...well, you can just read it for yourself.  - S

Meat & Potatoes:

Mr Crystal Ball (MCB) 22% Enemy 55% Friend 46% Match (<---Normally I don’t put this up here, and I don’t put a whole lot of trust in these numbers, but in this case they were spot on so why not :-D ):  Not sure on the Halloween 2012 pic, however I like the boots. Also, how did you manage to get Gumby to stay still and not bend/contort his way out of a photo.  (My profile photo had a photo of a guy dressed in a Gumby costume & I together.  What can I say, I like to be original)

Me:  Ok...I feel like guys need to have a female friend go over their profile and pick their photos for them. When guys don't smile or are doing that weird selfie angle they tend to look creepy. However, since the second line of your message was kind of funny I decided to respond. (I am a fair and just ruler of all I see.  All hail me and my generous heart!  Or shake your head at me wasting my time giving people a chance to redeem themselves.  Meh, it’s a toss up ;-) )

Daria for halloween. Make sense now? (I had a photo of me as Daria for for Halloween a couple years ago, and invited the profile reader to guess what the costume was.  I mean c’mon, it was black boots, a black pleated skirt, green military jacket, orange top peeking through, I straightened my hair and put on glasses.  Hell, I even have bangs.  It wasn't that hard people)

Gumby is a reasonable character, I just asked for a photo and he stood still. Pretty simple. Maybe you shouldn't assume that he's so photo shy :p

MCB:  Ah yes, I was thinking that but wasn't 100% sure. (Second strike, no guts no glory.  The first strike was having such a self deprecating and creepy profile)

My Gumby remark was more about what he is made from vs the human analogue that you got a photo with.

I've asked a few to review my profile and thus far got the thumbs up.

Me:  Really? I wouldn't have let those photos slide for any of my friends. Then again I'm a photographer and when they whined 'But I hate Allll the photos of me I have', then I would whip out my camera and take some photos for them.

I was joking about the Gumby thing. I know what you meant. Lighten up buttercup.

MCB:  Yea, ironically the girl that gave the thumbs up is a graphic art major.... (I’ve discovered that if your profile sucks then whatever ‘female friend’ that you asked to review it sabotaged you because they’ve got a crush.  Sometimes they don’t care.  Or, you are spot on and your profile is a window into your soul.  Whatever the case may be, choose your friendly reviewer wisely)

I thought you may of been, but gosh words without context don't convey intent well, often time I offend because of it. (Strike 2.5 for bad grammar)

Me:  Uhm....not to be mean, but she may want to rethink her career. (How do I get away with saying these kinds of things to people? lol)  Or...she's one of those people who can't tell when someone/something is creepy... or she knows that you've got a mouth full of awful teeth so she was just happy you weren't flashing those pearly grays....

I'm not that easily offended. However, you apparently are concerned about it in your questions, whereas I am not. Ever lol

Also, what's the story behind the 2 year degree at 29? I was almost done with that before I left high school lol (True story)

MCB:  Do you know me or something?

Me:  Not that I'm aware of?

MCB:  You kinda sorta nailed the teeth part, I had a bad orthodontist.

Me:  Hahahahaha (<---Laughing hysterically with my foot in my mouth.  What can I say, I’m talented) I'm a photographer, I know a lot about photos and how they look, how people hide stuff...etc etc Plus, I've been told I'm pretty smart.  You didn't answer my question though about the school stuff.

MCB:  Figured I'd let the fallout on the teeth part settle first.

Right out of HS I wasn't mature enough for college, I tried and wasn't ready, so I worked a lot vs school. Finally got serious about school in 2010 and would of been graduating with a 4 year this spring, but was 2,000/semester short. So I'm getting my 2 year from that university (to at least have something from there) I had to go back to CSCC to get a 2 year in my career field I was in at the 4 year university. My plan in is next fall after getting a good job in my field finishing the 4 year degree that I was only a year from completing.

Me:  Aaaahhhh.....hopefully your credits transfer. An Associates just gets you out of your Gen Eds lol Well, most of them. However, that's a story for another day.

So why the super blank and blunt profile? I feel like mine is much more revealing.  (Since he’s up to 2.5 strikes if this response is boring I am probably going to pass)

MCB:  I've done in the past a descriptive profile and got zero replies, so im trying the opposite.

Fair enough. I don't understand most women so I am not even going to bother to try and figure out their view on profile length. Lol ​

lol so any interest?  (ZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz)

Reflection:

Sadly, no...poor guy.  I was mostly just curious, and now that he answered my questions I lost interest almost immediately.  “A” has told me many times that I give everyone (who isn’t batshit crazy) a fair shot.  I gave this guy a shot because 1- His profile name had Dogbert in it, and well...Dilbert is the tits.  2- He was kind of funny in his profile and 3- I felt that someone needed to help him with his profile and of course 4- I was bored lol

I’ve noticed over the years that men often don’t understand the ‘creepy’ vibe.  It’s like they are impervious to the rapey/creepy/sleazy vibes their friends give off.  Calm down penis bearers, I didn’t say all of you are like that, but it’s a common thing.  Ask one of your female friends if you have a creepy guy friend, I’m sure that they’ll probably name one quickly and you’ll be shocked.  However, if they can’t name one quickly either you’ve been blessed by the friend fairy or you’re the creepy friend.  With odds like that, who can resist? :-D  Anyway, I’ve noticed that this seems to transcend into male dating profiles.  The photos on there are usually creepy ass angles, no smiling, dark webcam selfies….*shudders.  Do yourself a favor and have a female friend go over your profile (preferably one who has at least passable grammar and spelling).  When this saint of a friend who is helping you gives you feedback, don’t get defensive, just fix it.  Really, they’re helping you.  It’s the non-bar version of having a wing-woman.  Don’t disregard this valuable feedback!!! *steps down from soapbox*  Whoever thought that “A” was the only one giving out advice here is wrong!  BOOYAH!  Now that this PSA is over, I shall wish all of you readers a Happy Turkey Day and part with some Thanksgiving themed funnies.