Foreword:
I got a message one day from this beautiful girl whose profile was more than a bit confusing. She said that she was 22, but everything in her profile made her sound like she was at least 10 years older. It reminded me of when my Dad tries to use current slang terms, but sounds really stupid and looks ridiculous using the wrong words or using the phrase in the wrong context. Anyone with parents knows what I'm talking about, so we should all be on the same page here. It made me suspicious, and of course, curious. So I went ahead and messaged her back just to see what was going on. My first assumption was that it was a couple looking for a third...boy was I wrong. - S
Meat & Potatoes:
***As I had this encounter before I started the blog, as usual, this is a summary of essentially what happened through my interaction***
A summary of her profile: TallHotBlonde, 22
Status: In an open relationship
Interested in: Men & Women
About me: I'm a student working on my MBA. I thought that I would try out this online dating thing to see who was out there. I am only looking for women, so NO GUYS. I already have a man and I won't ever need another.
Interests: School, and my man. I like to work out too, I have to stay sexy for my man! :)
Hobbies: Studying and being with my man.
Job: I don't work right now because I'm in school, but my man takes care of me.
I'm sure you get the idea by now.....So lets move on to the actual interaction.
TallHotBlonde (THB): Hey gurl, how's it going?
Me: It's going, how are you?
THB: I'm more than fine! I just left my boyfriend's place, we were hanging out. He's the best!
Me: I'm sure he is lol So if you've got such a wonderful boyfriend, why are you on this site? Looking for a 3rd or something?
THB: No, not really, although that is always tons of fun! ;) ;) ;) I'm going away for the summer on an internship, so I am looking for someone to take care of my man while I'm gone. (Well isn't that sweet and...creepy?)
Me: Like, make him dinner? j/k Well isn't that nice of you. So you both are looking together?
THB: No, I'm just looking for a girl that I would approve of, and then I'll send her to him. It was my idea! :) I didn't want any drama and of course wanted the perfect girl for him. So, are you interested? (Uhm, fuck no....what 22 yr old talks like this and acts like this? "My man" indeed, more like "It's a man baby, yeah!")
Me: Not sure, I would have to see how I feel about him before I made a decision. Tell me about him, how old he is, what he does, how you two met etc
THB: My man is soooOOoooo great! He is an entrepreneur and has his own business. He is actually my inspiration for getting my MBA. He is so sexy and we met at a bar. He's 42, very fit and amazing in bed. I am so glad I found him! You interested? (Oh hellll no, this is totally a fake profile and this guy is pathetic. Can't find a woman on his own so he's catfishing.)
Me: Well, I'll be honest I'm not that interested in him. I think that you're beautiful. It doesn't seem like you're looking for a girl at all really for yourself, and honestly I don't know how I would feel about all of this. I would probably want to meet you too if I hit it off with him. (Which will never happen because you don't really exist) Would you be participating in the sex or it would just be me and him the whole time?
THB: I am leaving this weekend for my internship so I can't meet you before I leave. Maybe when I get back I might have some fun with you too, but right now it's just for my man. I will probably just pick up where I left off once I'm back though since this is all just temporary. (Oh, so you're going to love me and leave me?! Well, at least I have fair warning ahead of time. Who knows, maybe I won't end up in a basement after all!) I would do anything for him, and I don't want him to be lonely while I'm gone ;) I do want you to take lots of photos together and even make a video to send me. I want to see everything, it turns me on sooooo much when I see him with another woman. ;) (Yeah, you're so not a real person and this jackass is awful, trying to set up videos to sell already. Creeper factor just got 100000000x worse too.)
Me: Well, any way you could send me a photo or something of him? Kind of moot point if he's not my type.
THB: Of course, I'll have him email you (I didn't give them my real email, calm down, I used the one that I reserve for Craigslist and other things like that lol)
Literally 1 minute later I got an email with a photo of a portly, balding man, smiling creepily while standing next to his bicycle, wearing a biking outfit that was straining to contain him. He is not attractive at all, looks older than 42 and think that there is no way in hell that a woman who looks like her, is with a man like that after meeting in a bar. Plus, the turn around time is just too fast for it to be anyone else. Of course, he emails me immediately after asking if I have any interest. I just say no thanks, I am not attracted to him and report his profile with the photo to the dating website. To Catch A Predator: Dating Apocalypse Episode...has a certain ring to it, doesn't it? lol
Reflection:
I probably shouldn't have let the charade go on that long but I was bored and curious. Her profile pretty much gave everything away from the start and none of it made any sense. I talked with some friends after it happened, and apparently this is a very common thing that happens on dating sites. Someone steals photos of their kid, a friend's kid or something from somewhere, usually Facebook and create a fake profile. All of her photos were of her at some kind of family function wearing the same outfit, so it was probably this creeper's coworker who posted a family picnic. The other clue was that if she really was all about "her man", then she would have had a photo of them together. Especially if it really was a joint effort to find someone. Plus, no one refers to their significant other as "my man" anymore, that's totally a 90's thing.
The other giant red flag was that even though she was Bi, she wasn't interested in any activity whatsoever with the female. Yeah I know some people get off on the cuckholding thing, but really whenever there is a couple aspect they're always looking for a 3rd. However, that is an entry for another day. If you're interested in a movie about how this kind of fake profile stuff can go horribly wrong, check out the movie TalHotBlond. It has Garret Dillahunt in it, but in a serious and creepy role. I surprisingly liked it. Netflix it or something, don't pay for it though lol -S
Wednesday, June 25, 2014
Tuesday, June 17, 2014
The Dating Site Web Designer Drama
Foreword:
Back when I first started doing the online dating thing, I thought that I would start with a free account on Plenty Of Fish (POF). I quickly learned that there are two kinds of people on that website, women looking for a sugar daddy for their 15 kids and unemployed men. Although I met my good friend M (featured in the Under Pressure post) on there, most of the people I ended up talking to were just so excited to find a gainfully employed woman who didn't have any kids. Well, at some point I got a message from a guy who was a web developer for a few dating sites and he had accounts to test them. He also, used the site to meet women of course. We started chatting but eventually I just discovered that I wasn't into him. We stopped talking and life went on. Then, randomly I got a message from him about a month later....-S
Meat & Potatoes:
Web Developer (WD): Hey, what are you doing?
Me: Hey, long time no talk. Not much, what's up with you?
WD: I'm just going back through your profile.
Me: Why?
WD: To remind myself what an ugly bitch you are
Me: Is this a joke?
WD: No, you're a fat cow and I don't know what I ever saw in you.
Me: Uhm, we only chatted a couple times and you messaged me first so you must have liked what you saw a bit.
WD: I must have been wasted out of my mind. That's the only reason why I would ever think your disgusting face was attractive. You're so fat you would probably crush me.
Me: Your whole profile is about how you lost like 100 lbs and still had another 60 or so to go before you would stop. Plus, you're still bigger than me, so I don't see how that would even be possible. Plus, your profile is all about being loving toward each other and not causing drama....this seems like the complete opposite of what you're all about. Are you a hypocrite?
WD: Yes...yes I am. You should never waggle your fat fingers over the keyboard ever again to talk to me.
Me: Ok then, I will do that once you stop waggling your fat fingers over the keyboard to stop messaging me.
WD: I'll do whatever I want, and I'll message you with whatever I want to say.
Me: This is a free country but that's a great way to get your ass blocked. Or shall I say your fat ass blocked. I'm pretty sure this is someone hacking a profile, only I'm not sure when the link to a virus is going to happen.
WD: I am the virus, and I infected you with fat cells.
Me: *sigh this is getting less entertaining by the moment. Can't you think of better insults? Like perhaps "I wish you would catch a lethal virus, so you can do the world a favor and die" or maybe "You could use the flu virus a few times to help you drop some weight. At least you would be skinny and ugly, and not fat and ugly". I mean, really...bring your A-game here toots.
WD: I don't have to bring anything to you, you don't deserve it.
Me: Yes, because I deserve to be bothered by a raving loon on someone else's dating site. You do know that he's going to find these chats eventually, right? Then he's going to know who hacked his profile. He's a Web Developer for the site. Seriously. You are a complete moron.
WD: (No response)
Me: Yeah, nothing to say to that? Weak *Block*
Reflection:
About two days later I got a message from a similarly named account to the old one with a few numbers after the handle that went something like this.
WD2: Hey, I just wanted to apologize for what happened the other day. This girl I had been seeing got on my computer and started messaging every girl that I ever talked to on here. Apparently, she was trying to take out the competition by making me look like an ass. I am soo sorry for that. This is why I'm not dating white chicks anymore. They're all crazy (Side note, he's a white guy but very wigger-y)
Me: That's fine, I figured as much. It was entertaining for about 10 minutes. No worries, no hard feelings. Also, crazy knows no race or creed, women can be crazy from any nation and in every skin tone. You just need to avoid crazy chicks in general.
WD2: Yeah, that's true but in my experience all the drama and crazy comes from the white ones. I'm just not going to date them anymore. So how you been?
Me: *Ignore
Not going to date white chicks because they're all crazy?! I'm pretty sure you're single because you just keep dating crazy bitches. However, I hear the crazy ones are great in bed. Maybe that's his real problem, not that white chicks are crazy. Racist bastard. - S
Back when I first started doing the online dating thing, I thought that I would start with a free account on Plenty Of Fish (POF). I quickly learned that there are two kinds of people on that website, women looking for a sugar daddy for their 15 kids and unemployed men. Although I met my good friend M (featured in the Under Pressure post) on there, most of the people I ended up talking to were just so excited to find a gainfully employed woman who didn't have any kids. Well, at some point I got a message from a guy who was a web developer for a few dating sites and he had accounts to test them. He also, used the site to meet women of course. We started chatting but eventually I just discovered that I wasn't into him. We stopped talking and life went on. Then, randomly I got a message from him about a month later....-S
Meat & Potatoes:
Web Developer (WD): Hey, what are you doing?
Me: Hey, long time no talk. Not much, what's up with you?
WD: I'm just going back through your profile.
Me: Why?
WD: To remind myself what an ugly bitch you are
Me: Is this a joke?
WD: No, you're a fat cow and I don't know what I ever saw in you.
Me: Uhm, we only chatted a couple times and you messaged me first so you must have liked what you saw a bit.
WD: I must have been wasted out of my mind. That's the only reason why I would ever think your disgusting face was attractive. You're so fat you would probably crush me.
Me: Your whole profile is about how you lost like 100 lbs and still had another 60 or so to go before you would stop. Plus, you're still bigger than me, so I don't see how that would even be possible. Plus, your profile is all about being loving toward each other and not causing drama....this seems like the complete opposite of what you're all about. Are you a hypocrite?
WD: Yes...yes I am. You should never waggle your fat fingers over the keyboard ever again to talk to me.
Me: Ok then, I will do that once you stop waggling your fat fingers over the keyboard to stop messaging me.
WD: I'll do whatever I want, and I'll message you with whatever I want to say.
Me: This is a free country but that's a great way to get your ass blocked. Or shall I say your fat ass blocked. I'm pretty sure this is someone hacking a profile, only I'm not sure when the link to a virus is going to happen.
WD: I am the virus, and I infected you with fat cells.
Me: *sigh this is getting less entertaining by the moment. Can't you think of better insults? Like perhaps "I wish you would catch a lethal virus, so you can do the world a favor and die" or maybe "You could use the flu virus a few times to help you drop some weight. At least you would be skinny and ugly, and not fat and ugly". I mean, really...bring your A-game here toots.
WD: I don't have to bring anything to you, you don't deserve it.
Me: Yes, because I deserve to be bothered by a raving loon on someone else's dating site. You do know that he's going to find these chats eventually, right? Then he's going to know who hacked his profile. He's a Web Developer for the site. Seriously. You are a complete moron.
WD: (No response)
Me: Yeah, nothing to say to that? Weak *Block*
Reflection:
About two days later I got a message from a similarly named account to the old one with a few numbers after the handle that went something like this.
WD2: Hey, I just wanted to apologize for what happened the other day. This girl I had been seeing got on my computer and started messaging every girl that I ever talked to on here. Apparently, she was trying to take out the competition by making me look like an ass. I am soo sorry for that. This is why I'm not dating white chicks anymore. They're all crazy (Side note, he's a white guy but very wigger-y)
Me: That's fine, I figured as much. It was entertaining for about 10 minutes. No worries, no hard feelings. Also, crazy knows no race or creed, women can be crazy from any nation and in every skin tone. You just need to avoid crazy chicks in general.
WD2: Yeah, that's true but in my experience all the drama and crazy comes from the white ones. I'm just not going to date them anymore. So how you been?
Me: *Ignore
Not going to date white chicks because they're all crazy?! I'm pretty sure you're single because you just keep dating crazy bitches. However, I hear the crazy ones are great in bed. Maybe that's his real problem, not that white chicks are crazy. Racist bastard. - S
Tuesday, June 10, 2014
When I Dip You Dip We Dip
Foreword;
Friends come and go, people change, relocate, attach themselves to significant others who are controlling....whatever the reason, people drift apart sometimes. However, there are more concrete reasons for why people are no longer friends. Today's entry is one of those situations where I was justified in cutting that person out of my life. - S
Meat & Potatoes:
I had been friends with Pat(rick) for a while and we decided to meet for a drink nearby my house. I had some food, he had a few drinks including buying a round for some guys we met sitting at the bar. Now, I must say that this wasn't a date, at least, not for me. Pat had a wife at the time, and I was not interested in him at all anyway. For me, it was strictly platonic. For him....well, let's say that he would've been ok with banging me. Never happened, and never was going to happen....EVER. I was not attracted to him at all. I figured out at some point that he wanted me to get it on with him and his wife (who is also bi) and yeah, let's just say neither of them did anything for me in my pants. Plus his marriage was going through a rough spot, and I wouldn't touch that with a 50 ft pole even if I was attracted to him/them. Plus his wife was/is crazy and I have a solid rule that you "Do not stick your dick in crazy", and I'm always telling people to follow this as well. You can sub dick for fingers, tongue....dildo...don't let crazy stick it's dick in you....etc you get the idea. Keep is simple kids.
Anyway, we were sitting at the bar, and I was done with my food and Pat was done with his beer. I paid my bill, then went to the bathroom. When I came back, Pat insisted that I leave with him. I was waiting for a friend to text me back so I could go hang with them and Pat left, off to do whatever.
When I finally left I had the bartender/waitress chase me down the block saying I didn't pay my bill. I informed her that I did and she told me it was actually for like $70 from my friend's tab. I assured her that he probably just forgot and that I would call him. I tried calling my friend to see if he would come back. He did not even answer, so I left a voicemail after calling him a few times. Even though I gave her Pat's number she insisted that I had to pay for his tab. I argued with her and said that I am not authorizing this purchase and that to charge me for it would be fraud. I paid for what I consumed, and that if he didn't pay his bill I was not responsible for it just because I knew him. That would be like charging someone else in the place for my bill just because I chatted with them for a few minutes. So I left knowing that I might get charged the extra meal. Which (surprise) I was when I checked my bank account the next day.
I called and spoke to the manager at the restaurant the following day, straightened it out and got my money back eventually. Of course I sent Pat a text telling him what happened. He said it was a joke and that he thought I would find it funny. He "tried" to get me to leave when he did but I didn't listen. I told him that skipping out on paying for a giant tab is not funny, especially when he knew that they might make me pay for it. I also informed him that we were no longer friends, that I don't treat people I am friends with this way, and that I don't want to be friends with someone who does. He apologized profusely, claimed it was a joke, and I just told him not to bother me anymore.
That was the last that I heard from him for a while. He called me a few weeks later to apologize again. I, like a moron, took pity on him. I accepted his lame half assed apology and was ready to bury the hatchet for the time being. Then, he proceeded to tell me about his life and what was going on now. He had lost his job because he had started using his company cell phone as his main phone, and he breached some kind of crazy rules. I don't think that was all of the story, but I imagine he had other things that they got him for since he said they wouldn't tell him why they were firing him. It all sounded like BS, but apparently now that he was unemployed his wife kicked him out and he was living in a city about an hour or so from where I live (he lived in) staying with his brother or some other blood relation obligated fool. I made all the appropriate responses and just left it at that. I had to go, so he left it at that when he's back in town we could grab a drink. I said it sounded cool and I hung up, glad that this country song was over.
After pondering this whole conversation, I decided that everything about his phone call seemed shady (do people still use shady? I've heard my teenage niece call things "sketch", fuck I'm getting old....). Why call me after the shit hit the fan? Sure it was hanging on his conscience but a text would've been fine. His wife now out of the picture and living in another city with no money and no job he decided to "reconcile our friendship"? Was he just reaching out to the only sucker he could think of? Had I somehow befriended an emotional vampire? No....seemed to me like now he was just trying to make it happen and bang me. Maybe get a pity fuck or something. Plus, I didn't know if any of this stuff was true and we didn't have any common friends for me to verify all this shit with. So I decided that if he wanted to talk to me he could try but I wasn't going to make a huge effort to patch the friendship up.
Well, I was right about the whole 'opportunity' thing. He would text or call me late at night seeing what I was doing...like every guy who prowls dating websites at 2am. At one point he called me about an hour before he was supposed to be 'in town for an interview'. I had plans already and he got very angry with me. You can't expect people to drop everything they're doing just to meet up with someone. Yet he did, and expressed just how pissed he was. No....I wasn't ok with that and how he was acting, so I called him out on it. ALL OF IT. He was shocked (probably mostly because I could see straight through his bullshit), but admitted that was part of the reason why he wanted to stay friends. I was so pissed and annoyed by him and the whole situation that I decided to just not respond to any of his texts. Give him the cold shoulder and all that....AFTER telling him exactly where he could shove his bullshit and his dick. I'll give you a hint.....it's exactly where the shit originally comes from.
He would text me randomly after that for whatever reason. I'll give him this much, the man had balls. Try to get me to come out and meet him when he was in town, but I wasn't interested in it. Nor was I buying what he was selling. Far as I was concerned I was done with him and everything about him. After a while, he just stopped bothering me and I haven't heard from him since.
Reflection:
Now I know what you're thinking...."But S, this is a DATING blog, why are you talking about a friendship?" Well, because he thought it was more than a friendship. That is unfortunately what happens in dating a lot. People (myself included) don't mesh with someone as much as we think, or we get friend zoned. It happens, and this just so happens to be another one of those stories where weird circumstances surround everything. This is my life we're talking about, so weird circumstances pretty much surround everything anyway. Plus, he apparently was trying to date me whenever we hung out but I didn't realize it.
Hell, I didn't realize what was going on until I went with my friend M to hang with Pat & his wife. M told me after we left that Pat looked at me the whole time like I was some kind of prime cut of meat he wanted to devour. I was, as I am often, oblivious to it all but I took M's word for it, as he is...well, a man and has insight I do not apparently. After M opened my eyes, that's when I saw what was really going on with Pat and I'm glad that I did because I feel like it saved me a lot of time and effort keeping up a friendship that was just an opportunity Pat was keeping open in case his marriage imploded. You know that old saying "Guys don't have female friends, they just have women they haven't fucked yet"? Well, I hadn't run into a situation until then that I felt like that was what was going on. I'm just, so glad to know that there are men out there who actually created that stereotype and lived up to it. :-/
Am I sad about the way things went down with Pat? Yes, of course. However, I feel like it was entirely his fault and the dine and dash was just the straw that broke the camel's back. He did some other things that were weird, but I didn't think they were friendship deal breakers. One of which was him telling me that he sometimes liked to take Mushrooms and other drugs and that even though he got tested regularly at work. I learned that I could buy clean synthetic pee to beat the system! Isn't that some kind of space age movie kind of shit?! I'll be honest, that one almost turned me off from him, but I didn't think that he was high when we were hanging out, and he didn't tell me when the last time he did that was. I just assumed it was one of the things he did with his wife. It made sense in my mind since there's a question on OKC that specifically asks if recreational drug use can be a romantic activity with a partner.
Mostly I figured out later on that our friendship was based around me listening to his problems. Hated his job, horrible marriage, etc and I eventually just got tired of it. I would tell him what he could do about it to fix things, and he would just give excuses as to why he couldn't make it happen. I was already really tired of being his emotional leaning post, so really the dine and dash was just the last straw. The whole trying to bang me thing after his marriage imploded was just the icing on the triple layer shit-cake of our friendship. No I don't miss him, and I don't care if we ever talk to each other again. I know it's mean of me, but some people are just toxic and I feel like he's one of them. Anyway, I promise another funny entry next week to balance out all the seriousness of this one. - S
Friends come and go, people change, relocate, attach themselves to significant others who are controlling....whatever the reason, people drift apart sometimes. However, there are more concrete reasons for why people are no longer friends. Today's entry is one of those situations where I was justified in cutting that person out of my life. - S
Meat & Potatoes:
I had been friends with Pat(rick) for a while and we decided to meet for a drink nearby my house. I had some food, he had a few drinks including buying a round for some guys we met sitting at the bar. Now, I must say that this wasn't a date, at least, not for me. Pat had a wife at the time, and I was not interested in him at all anyway. For me, it was strictly platonic. For him....well, let's say that he would've been ok with banging me. Never happened, and never was going to happen....EVER. I was not attracted to him at all. I figured out at some point that he wanted me to get it on with him and his wife (who is also bi) and yeah, let's just say neither of them did anything for me in my pants. Plus his marriage was going through a rough spot, and I wouldn't touch that with a 50 ft pole even if I was attracted to him/them. Plus his wife was/is crazy and I have a solid rule that you "Do not stick your dick in crazy", and I'm always telling people to follow this as well. You can sub dick for fingers, tongue....dildo...don't let crazy stick it's dick in you....etc you get the idea. Keep is simple kids.
Anyway, we were sitting at the bar, and I was done with my food and Pat was done with his beer. I paid my bill, then went to the bathroom. When I came back, Pat insisted that I leave with him. I was waiting for a friend to text me back so I could go hang with them and Pat left, off to do whatever.
When I finally left I had the bartender/waitress chase me down the block saying I didn't pay my bill. I informed her that I did and she told me it was actually for like $70 from my friend's tab. I assured her that he probably just forgot and that I would call him. I tried calling my friend to see if he would come back. He did not even answer, so I left a voicemail after calling him a few times. Even though I gave her Pat's number she insisted that I had to pay for his tab. I argued with her and said that I am not authorizing this purchase and that to charge me for it would be fraud. I paid for what I consumed, and that if he didn't pay his bill I was not responsible for it just because I knew him. That would be like charging someone else in the place for my bill just because I chatted with them for a few minutes. So I left knowing that I might get charged the extra meal. Which (surprise) I was when I checked my bank account the next day.
I called and spoke to the manager at the restaurant the following day, straightened it out and got my money back eventually. Of course I sent Pat a text telling him what happened. He said it was a joke and that he thought I would find it funny. He "tried" to get me to leave when he did but I didn't listen. I told him that skipping out on paying for a giant tab is not funny, especially when he knew that they might make me pay for it. I also informed him that we were no longer friends, that I don't treat people I am friends with this way, and that I don't want to be friends with someone who does. He apologized profusely, claimed it was a joke, and I just told him not to bother me anymore.
That was the last that I heard from him for a while. He called me a few weeks later to apologize again. I, like a moron, took pity on him. I accepted his lame half assed apology and was ready to bury the hatchet for the time being. Then, he proceeded to tell me about his life and what was going on now. He had lost his job because he had started using his company cell phone as his main phone, and he breached some kind of crazy rules. I don't think that was all of the story, but I imagine he had other things that they got him for since he said they wouldn't tell him why they were firing him. It all sounded like BS, but apparently now that he was unemployed his wife kicked him out and he was living in a city about an hour or so from where I live (he lived in) staying with his brother or some other blood relation obligated fool. I made all the appropriate responses and just left it at that. I had to go, so he left it at that when he's back in town we could grab a drink. I said it sounded cool and I hung up, glad that this country song was over.
After pondering this whole conversation, I decided that everything about his phone call seemed shady (do people still use shady? I've heard my teenage niece call things "sketch", fuck I'm getting old....). Why call me after the shit hit the fan? Sure it was hanging on his conscience but a text would've been fine. His wife now out of the picture and living in another city with no money and no job he decided to "reconcile our friendship"? Was he just reaching out to the only sucker he could think of? Had I somehow befriended an emotional vampire? No....seemed to me like now he was just trying to make it happen and bang me. Maybe get a pity fuck or something. Plus, I didn't know if any of this stuff was true and we didn't have any common friends for me to verify all this shit with. So I decided that if he wanted to talk to me he could try but I wasn't going to make a huge effort to patch the friendship up.
Well, I was right about the whole 'opportunity' thing. He would text or call me late at night seeing what I was doing...like every guy who prowls dating websites at 2am. At one point he called me about an hour before he was supposed to be 'in town for an interview'. I had plans already and he got very angry with me. You can't expect people to drop everything they're doing just to meet up with someone. Yet he did, and expressed just how pissed he was. No....I wasn't ok with that and how he was acting, so I called him out on it. ALL OF IT. He was shocked (probably mostly because I could see straight through his bullshit), but admitted that was part of the reason why he wanted to stay friends. I was so pissed and annoyed by him and the whole situation that I decided to just not respond to any of his texts. Give him the cold shoulder and all that....AFTER telling him exactly where he could shove his bullshit and his dick. I'll give you a hint.....it's exactly where the shit originally comes from.
He would text me randomly after that for whatever reason. I'll give him this much, the man had balls. Try to get me to come out and meet him when he was in town, but I wasn't interested in it. Nor was I buying what he was selling. Far as I was concerned I was done with him and everything about him. After a while, he just stopped bothering me and I haven't heard from him since.
Reflection:
Now I know what you're thinking...."But S, this is a DATING blog, why are you talking about a friendship?" Well, because he thought it was more than a friendship. That is unfortunately what happens in dating a lot. People (myself included) don't mesh with someone as much as we think, or we get friend zoned. It happens, and this just so happens to be another one of those stories where weird circumstances surround everything. This is my life we're talking about, so weird circumstances pretty much surround everything anyway. Plus, he apparently was trying to date me whenever we hung out but I didn't realize it.
Hell, I didn't realize what was going on until I went with my friend M to hang with Pat & his wife. M told me after we left that Pat looked at me the whole time like I was some kind of prime cut of meat he wanted to devour. I was, as I am often, oblivious to it all but I took M's word for it, as he is...well, a man and has insight I do not apparently. After M opened my eyes, that's when I saw what was really going on with Pat and I'm glad that I did because I feel like it saved me a lot of time and effort keeping up a friendship that was just an opportunity Pat was keeping open in case his marriage imploded. You know that old saying "Guys don't have female friends, they just have women they haven't fucked yet"? Well, I hadn't run into a situation until then that I felt like that was what was going on. I'm just, so glad to know that there are men out there who actually created that stereotype and lived up to it. :-/
Am I sad about the way things went down with Pat? Yes, of course. However, I feel like it was entirely his fault and the dine and dash was just the straw that broke the camel's back. He did some other things that were weird, but I didn't think they were friendship deal breakers. One of which was him telling me that he sometimes liked to take Mushrooms and other drugs and that even though he got tested regularly at work. I learned that I could buy clean synthetic pee to beat the system! Isn't that some kind of space age movie kind of shit?! I'll be honest, that one almost turned me off from him, but I didn't think that he was high when we were hanging out, and he didn't tell me when the last time he did that was. I just assumed it was one of the things he did with his wife. It made sense in my mind since there's a question on OKC that specifically asks if recreational drug use can be a romantic activity with a partner.
Mostly I figured out later on that our friendship was based around me listening to his problems. Hated his job, horrible marriage, etc and I eventually just got tired of it. I would tell him what he could do about it to fix things, and he would just give excuses as to why he couldn't make it happen. I was already really tired of being his emotional leaning post, so really the dine and dash was just the last straw. The whole trying to bang me thing after his marriage imploded was just the icing on the triple layer shit-cake of our friendship. No I don't miss him, and I don't care if we ever talk to each other again. I know it's mean of me, but some people are just toxic and I feel like he's one of them. Anyway, I promise another funny entry next week to balance out all the seriousness of this one. - S
Wednesday, June 4, 2014
Straight White Boys Texting (Me)
Foreword:
So, if you haven't heard of this phenomenon as of yet....I'll just give you the quick summary (and links down in the Reflection). Straight white boys(/men) will take a conversation from "Hello" to sexual in the blink of an eye. Often times under the ruse of some fun and whimsical game like 20 Questions. So I went back through a bunch of messages I've gotten to give you the best of what I have received, not just the guys who say "Hey, you look hot, want to bone?" but rather the ones who put a little extra stank on it. Some are screen shots but one is me paraphrasing since I don't have that particular online dating account anymore and refuse to re-activate it. Enjoy. -S
Meat & Potatoes:
WB: You seem attractive and not crazy, want to chat?
Me: Well, aren't you formal! Sure, why not. What's up?
WB: Not much, just relaxing. What are you up to?
Me: Working on some stuff, on a beautiful Saturday. I'm lame.
WB: Nice! Do you text?
Me: Uhm, I obviously have a smartphone because I'm on Tinder...and this is basically what we are doing now.
WB: Cool. Give me your number and I'll send you some dick pics.
Me: Yeah, I'll be honest, dicks aren't pretty to look at. You just want boobs in return. Gotta bring your A-game with me. Get creative buddy.
WB: Fine, I will put a top hat to match my formal opening.
Me: Now, THAT is an offer. Still, no thanks.
Reflection:
There's really nothing to say other than gold stars for effort, but no dice for any of them. It appears that I seem to attract more creative Straight White Boys....good to know people bring their C+ game with me. - S
More Straight White Boy Texts info for your meme amusement:
http://cheezburger.com/270085
http://www.dailydot.com/lifestyle/straight-white-boys-texting-tumblr/
http://straightwhiteboystexting.tumblr.com/
http://www.buzzfeed.com/daves4/why-straight-white-boys-are-the-worst
http://www.reddit.com/search?q=white+boy+texting
So, if you haven't heard of this phenomenon as of yet....I'll just give you the quick summary (and links down in the Reflection). Straight white boys(/men) will take a conversation from "Hello" to sexual in the blink of an eye. Often times under the ruse of some fun and whimsical game like 20 Questions. So I went back through a bunch of messages I've gotten to give you the best of what I have received, not just the guys who say "Hey, you look hot, want to bone?" but rather the ones who put a little extra stank on it. Some are screen shots but one is me paraphrasing since I don't have that particular online dating account anymore and refuse to re-activate it. Enjoy. -S
Meat & Potatoes:
WB: You seem attractive and not crazy, want to chat?
Me: Well, aren't you formal! Sure, why not. What's up?
WB: Not much, just relaxing. What are you up to?
Me: Working on some stuff, on a beautiful Saturday. I'm lame.
WB: Nice! Do you text?
Me: Uhm, I obviously have a smartphone because I'm on Tinder...and this is basically what we are doing now.
WB: Cool. Give me your number and I'll send you some dick pics.
Me: Yeah, I'll be honest, dicks aren't pretty to look at. You just want boobs in return. Gotta bring your A-game with me. Get creative buddy.
WB: Fine, I will put a top hat to match my formal opening.
Me: Now, THAT is an offer. Still, no thanks.
Then there was THIS guy.....who would talk to me in a normal capacity for days then get drunk and try so very awkwardly to get me to come over. Eventually he just stopped messaging me all together.
Reflection:
There's really nothing to say other than gold stars for effort, but no dice for any of them. It appears that I seem to attract more creative Straight White Boys....good to know people bring their C+ game with me. - S
More Straight White Boy Texts info for your meme amusement:
http://cheezburger.com/270085
http://www.dailydot.com/lifestyle/straight-white-boys-texting-tumblr/
http://straightwhiteboystexting.tumblr.com/
http://www.buzzfeed.com/daves4/why-straight-white-boys-are-the-worst
http://www.reddit.com/search?q=white+boy+texting
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