Foreword & Reflection:
So, if you are unfamiliar with what the title refers to I'll just leave this link here for your viewing pleasure. :-) Anyway, so this is a bit out of the norm for the blog but I wanted to gather a bunch of fake status updates that I made for a friend of mine. She was dating this guy who was so obsessed with her, that I jokingly one day said that his Facebook must be something akin to a teenage girl's. All of the disgustingly cute and stupid things he probably posts about how much he loves her that I started making up a bunch of ridiculous fake status updates. Now that they've broken up, I am free to share these with the world. Everyone has seen or knows people like this, so just insert that person as the author for your personal amusement. #justgreasingthechutetohellformyself -S
Meat & Potatoes:
1. I haven't heard from my gurl in almost 3 hours. I'm worried.... #missyousomuchithurts #its3amimustbelonely
2. My gurl is so pretty, and smells nice, and even has an exotic name. I am the luckiest man ever! Everyone keeps saying how lucky I am, and I'm like "Shut up! She's MINE!" lol I love her and we're gonna get married for sure! #happy3weekanniversarybabyhunnypie
3. Gurl, stop sayin how much you hate the way you look. You are beautiful even in your pajamas with a mud mask on. I'd hit it anyway! #yourlovelyladylumps
4. Just thought of a time before my gurl. It was dark and depressing before she became the light that brightened my world #youaremysunshinemyonlysunshineyoumakemehapppyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
5. Just hanging playing Jeopardy via phone with my girl. She's soooooo smart! #iloveherbigolbrains
6. Totally nailed it...4x if you know what I mean #multipleorgasmsdelivered
7. Just got a new sexy photo from my gurl #havetochangemypantsnow
8. Just hanging outside my gurl's house in case she needs anything. I always want to be there for her #nowheretopeerightnow
9. I told her, if you need anything....ANYTHING ...let me know. Even if you just need a hug, or a kiss...or me to wear a man-gagement ring...even though I haven't asked you...YET lol #somedaysoonmydear
10. OMG just hacked my girl's webcam. She totally didn't cover it with a sticky note #shelookssoprettywhenshessleeping
11. Why won't my girl's friends love me? They'll have to change their opinion. No, I'll make them change their opinion....or I'll solve the problem permanently...J/K! #somedaysoonmydear
12: Totally broke my phone the other night, and I don't have a new one yet. Worst part is that I can't let her know the important things, like how pretty she is today, how much I miss her, how nice her closet smells, how she needs a new light bulb in her closet and what she should be doing today #hurryupmrpostman
13. Thinking of changing my shampoo to match my girl's so that we can have the same one #soulandscentmatesforlife
14. Only 1800 seconds until I see my gurl again!! :-) #timegofaster
15. I was so lost before my wonderful girl came into my life. She really is my guiding star! But I don't have anything more to wish for, because she's my everything! #starlightstarbright #youaremyshiningstar
15. Brainstorming couple costume ideas for Halloween. Was going to be the most in love couple in the world, but the point of Halloween is to be something you're not! Maybe I'll go as a pirate and she can be the chest and booty! #halloweenisforlovers
16. Working on a mix tape to symbolize me and my girl's relationship. So far, it's a lot of Savage Garden. #iknewilovedyoubeforeimetyou
17. My girl is so loving and funny. I can't even explain all her jokes, partially because I don't get them but she sounds really smart and looks super cute when she tells them :-) #thejokeisalwaysonme
18.You know those hats people have started wearing that look like the head of an animal? Well, instead of a panda, or a frog...or a penguin, I got one that loks just like my girl's dog. So whenever she goes to the bathroom he and I do a selfie and send it to her #omgpuppiesaresocute
19. My girl is so sweet, I could just eat her up! Does anybody have any good recipes? #whataboutfavabeans
20. Just accepted the first friend request from one of my girl's friends! So glad that this milestone has happened! #onestepclosertosharingeverything
21. Just bought matching shirts for me and my girl! I would just wear her clothes but my hips aren't curvy enough :-( #newspringwardrobe
22. Missing my regular meal with my girl thanks to work obligations. I really hate my part-time job sometimes... #soreadytobeastayathomedad
23. Was on the way to the bathroom when I got a call from my girl. Answered anyway because I missed her #iloveyoumorethanpooping
Reflection:
There were probably more, but I got bored with them eventually and this is what I found lol As a side note, I was at a local cafe with some girlfriends and reading the collection off to some friends. We were all laughing our asses off. The guy at the table next to us says "Hey ladies!" We all look, and he turns his laptop toward us and it says #idon'tevenknowthisguybutwow He ended up hanging out with us for the rest of the night and talking to us about his current problems with his girlfriend. We ended up being friends. All's well that ends well :-)
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