Foreword:
I got a message one day from this beautiful girl whose profile was more than a bit confusing. She said that she was 22, but everything in her profile made her sound like she was at least 10 years older. It reminded me of when my Dad tries to use current slang terms, but sounds really stupid and looks ridiculous using the wrong words or using the phrase in the wrong context. Anyone with parents knows what I'm talking about, so we should all be on the same page here. It made me suspicious, and of course, curious. So I went ahead and messaged her back just to see what was going on. My first assumption was that it was a couple looking for a third...boy was I wrong. - S
Meat & Potatoes:
***As I had this encounter before I started the blog, as usual, this is a summary of essentially what happened through my interaction***
A summary of her profile: TallHotBlonde, 22
Status: In an open relationship
Interested in: Men & Women
About me: I'm a student working on my MBA. I thought that I would try out this online dating thing to see who was out there. I am only looking for women, so NO GUYS. I already have a man and I won't ever need another.
Interests: School, and my man. I like to work out too, I have to stay sexy for my man! :)
Hobbies: Studying and being with my man.
Job: I don't work right now because I'm in school, but my man takes care of me.
I'm sure you get the idea by now.....So lets move on to the actual interaction.
TallHotBlonde (THB): Hey gurl, how's it going?
Me: It's going, how are you?
THB: I'm more than fine! I just left my boyfriend's place, we were hanging out. He's the best!
Me: I'm sure he is lol So if you've got such a wonderful boyfriend, why are you on this site? Looking for a 3rd or something?
THB: No, not really, although that is always tons of fun! ;) ;) ;) I'm going away for the summer on an internship, so I am looking for someone to take care of my man while I'm gone. (Well isn't that sweet and...creepy?)
Me: Like, make him dinner? j/k Well isn't that nice of you. So you both are looking together?
THB: No, I'm just looking for a girl that I would approve of, and then I'll send her to him. It was my idea! :) I didn't want any drama and of course wanted the perfect girl for him. So, are you interested? (Uhm, fuck no....what 22 yr old talks like this and acts like this? "My man" indeed, more like "It's a man baby, yeah!")
Me: Not sure, I would have to see how I feel about him before I made a decision. Tell me about him, how old he is, what he does, how you two met etc
THB: My man is soooOOoooo great! He is an entrepreneur and has his own business. He is actually my inspiration for getting my MBA. He is so sexy and we met at a bar. He's 42, very fit and amazing in bed. I am so glad I found him! You interested? (Oh hellll no, this is totally a fake profile and this guy is pathetic. Can't find a woman on his own so he's catfishing.)
Me: Well, I'll be honest I'm not that interested in him. I think that you're beautiful. It doesn't seem like you're looking for a girl at all really for yourself, and honestly I don't know how I would feel about all of this. I would probably want to meet you too if I hit it off with him. (Which will never happen because you don't really exist) Would you be participating in the sex or it would just be me and him the whole time?
THB: I am leaving this weekend for my internship so I can't meet you before I leave. Maybe when I get back I might have some fun with you too, but right now it's just for my man. I will probably just pick up where I left off once I'm back though since this is all just temporary. (Oh, so you're going to love me and leave me?! Well, at least I have fair warning ahead of time. Who knows, maybe I won't end up in a basement after all!) I would do anything for him, and I don't want him to be lonely while I'm gone ;) I do want you to take lots of photos together and even make a video to send me. I want to see everything, it turns me on sooooo much when I see him with another woman. ;) (Yeah, you're so not a real person and this jackass is awful, trying to set up videos to sell already. Creeper factor just got 100000000x worse too.)
Me: Well, any way you could send me a photo or something of him? Kind of moot point if he's not my type.
THB: Of course, I'll have him email you (I didn't give them my real email, calm down, I used the one that I reserve for Craigslist and other things like that lol)
Literally 1 minute later I got an email with a photo of a portly, balding man, smiling creepily while standing next to his bicycle, wearing a biking outfit that was straining to contain him. He is not attractive at all, looks older than 42 and think that there is no way in hell that a woman who looks like her, is with a man like that after meeting in a bar. Plus, the turn around time is just too fast for it to be anyone else. Of course, he emails me immediately after asking if I have any interest. I just say no thanks, I am not attracted to him and report his profile with the photo to the dating website. To Catch A Predator: Dating Apocalypse Episode...has a certain ring to it, doesn't it? lol
Reflection:
I probably shouldn't have let the charade go on that long but I was bored and curious. Her profile pretty much gave everything away from the start and none of it made any sense. I talked with some friends after it happened, and apparently this is a very common thing that happens on dating sites. Someone steals photos of their kid, a friend's kid or something from somewhere, usually Facebook and create a fake profile. All of her photos were of her at some kind of family function wearing the same outfit, so it was probably this creeper's coworker who posted a family picnic. The other clue was that if she really was all about "her man", then she would have had a photo of them together. Especially if it really was a joint effort to find someone. Plus, no one refers to their significant other as "my man" anymore, that's totally a 90's thing.
The other giant red flag was that even though she was Bi, she wasn't interested in any activity whatsoever with the female. Yeah I know some people get off on the cuckholding thing, but really whenever there is a couple aspect they're always looking for a 3rd. However, that is an entry for another day. If you're interested in a movie about how this kind of fake profile stuff can go horribly wrong, check out the movie TalHotBlond. It has Garret Dillahunt in it, but in a serious and creepy role. I surprisingly liked it. Netflix it or something, don't pay for it though lol -S
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