Foreword;
Friends come and go, people change, relocate, attach themselves to significant others who are controlling....whatever the reason, people drift apart sometimes. However, there are more concrete reasons for why people are no longer friends. Today's entry is one of those situations where I was justified in cutting that person out of my life. - S
Meat & Potatoes:
I had been friends with Pat(rick) for a while and we decided to meet for a drink nearby my house. I had some food, he had a few drinks including buying a round for some guys we met sitting at the bar. Now, I must say that this wasn't a date, at least, not for me. Pat had a wife at the time, and I was not interested in him at all anyway. For me, it was strictly platonic. For him....well, let's say that he would've been ok with banging me. Never happened, and never was going to happen....EVER. I was not attracted to him at all. I figured out at some point that he wanted me to get it on with him and his wife (who is also bi) and yeah, let's just say neither of them did anything for me in my pants. Plus his marriage was going through a rough spot, and I wouldn't touch that with a 50 ft pole even if I was attracted to him/them. Plus his wife was/is crazy and I have a solid rule that you "Do not stick your dick in crazy", and I'm always telling people to follow this as well. You can sub dick for fingers, tongue....dildo...don't let crazy stick it's dick in you....etc you get the idea. Keep is simple kids.
Anyway, we were sitting at the bar, and I was done with my food and Pat was done with his beer. I paid my bill, then went to the bathroom. When I came back, Pat insisted that I leave with him. I was waiting for a friend to text me back so I could go hang with them and Pat left, off to do whatever.
When I finally left I had the bartender/waitress chase me down the block saying I didn't pay my bill. I informed her that I did and she told me it was actually for like $70 from my friend's tab. I assured her that he probably just forgot and that I would call him. I tried calling my friend to see if he would come back. He did not even answer, so I left a voicemail after calling him a few times. Even though I gave her Pat's number she insisted that I had to pay for his tab. I argued with her and said that I am not authorizing this purchase and that to charge me for it would be fraud. I paid for what I consumed, and that if he didn't pay his bill I was not responsible for it just because I knew him. That would be like charging someone else in the place for my bill just because I chatted with them for a few minutes. So I left knowing that I might get charged the extra meal. Which (surprise) I was when I checked my bank account the next day.
I called and spoke to the manager at the restaurant the following day, straightened it out and got my money back eventually. Of course I sent Pat a text telling him what happened. He said it was a joke and that he thought I would find it funny. He "tried" to get me to leave when he did but I didn't listen. I told him that skipping out on paying for a giant tab is not funny, especially when he knew that they might make me pay for it. I also informed him that we were no longer friends, that I don't treat people I am friends with this way, and that I don't want to be friends with someone who does. He apologized profusely, claimed it was a joke, and I just told him not to bother me anymore.
That was the last that I heard from him for a while. He called me a few weeks later to apologize again. I, like a moron, took pity on him. I accepted his lame half assed apology and was ready to bury the hatchet for the time being. Then, he proceeded to tell me about his life and what was going on now. He had lost his job because he had started using his company cell phone as his main phone, and he breached some kind of crazy rules. I don't think that was all of the story, but I imagine he had other things that they got him for since he said they wouldn't tell him why they were firing him. It all sounded like BS, but apparently now that he was unemployed his wife kicked him out and he was living in a city about an hour or so from where I live (he lived in) staying with his brother or some other blood relation obligated fool. I made all the appropriate responses and just left it at that. I had to go, so he left it at that when he's back in town we could grab a drink. I said it sounded cool and I hung up, glad that this country song was over.
After pondering this whole conversation, I decided that everything about his phone call seemed shady (do people still use shady? I've heard my teenage niece call things "sketch", fuck I'm getting old....). Why call me after the shit hit the fan? Sure it was hanging on his conscience but a text would've been fine. His wife now out of the picture and living in another city with no money and no job he decided to "reconcile our friendship"? Was he just reaching out to the only sucker he could think of? Had I somehow befriended an emotional vampire? No....seemed to me like now he was just trying to make it happen and bang me. Maybe get a pity fuck or something. Plus, I didn't know if any of this stuff was true and we didn't have any common friends for me to verify all this shit with. So I decided that if he wanted to talk to me he could try but I wasn't going to make a huge effort to patch the friendship up.
Well, I was right about the whole 'opportunity' thing. He would text or call me late at night seeing what I was doing...like every guy who prowls dating websites at 2am. At one point he called me about an hour before he was supposed to be 'in town for an interview'. I had plans already and he got very angry with me. You can't expect people to drop everything they're doing just to meet up with someone. Yet he did, and expressed just how pissed he was. No....I wasn't ok with that and how he was acting, so I called him out on it. ALL OF IT. He was shocked (probably mostly because I could see straight through his bullshit), but admitted that was part of the reason why he wanted to stay friends. I was so pissed and annoyed by him and the whole situation that I decided to just not respond to any of his texts. Give him the cold shoulder and all that....AFTER telling him exactly where he could shove his bullshit and his dick. I'll give you a hint.....it's exactly where the shit originally comes from.
He would text me randomly after that for whatever reason. I'll give him this much, the man had balls. Try to get me to come out and meet him when he was in town, but I wasn't interested in it. Nor was I buying what he was selling. Far as I was concerned I was done with him and everything about him. After a while, he just stopped bothering me and I haven't heard from him since.
Reflection:
Now I know what you're thinking...."But S, this is a DATING blog, why are you talking about a friendship?" Well, because he thought it was more than a friendship. That is unfortunately what happens in dating a lot. People (myself included) don't mesh with someone as much as we think, or we get friend zoned. It happens, and this just so happens to be another one of those stories where weird circumstances surround everything. This is my life we're talking about, so weird circumstances pretty much surround everything anyway. Plus, he apparently was trying to date me whenever we hung out but I didn't realize it.
Hell, I didn't realize what was going on until I went with my friend M to hang with Pat & his wife. M told me after we left that Pat looked at me the whole time like I was some kind of prime cut of meat he wanted to devour. I was, as I am often, oblivious to it all but I took M's word for it, as he is...well, a man and has insight I do not apparently. After M opened my eyes, that's when I saw what was really going on with Pat and I'm glad that I did because I feel like it saved me a lot of time and effort keeping up a friendship that was just an opportunity Pat was keeping open in case his marriage imploded. You know that old saying "Guys don't have female friends, they just have women they haven't fucked yet"? Well, I hadn't run into a situation until then that I felt like that was what was going on. I'm just, so glad to know that there are men out there who actually created that stereotype and lived up to it. :-/
Am I sad about the way things went down with Pat? Yes, of course. However, I feel like it was entirely his fault and the dine and dash was just the straw that broke the camel's back. He did some other things that were weird, but I didn't think they were friendship deal breakers. One of which was him telling me that he sometimes liked to take Mushrooms and other drugs and that even though he got tested regularly at work. I learned that I could buy clean synthetic pee to beat the system! Isn't that some kind of space age movie kind of shit?! I'll be honest, that one almost turned me off from him, but I didn't think that he was high when we were hanging out, and he didn't tell me when the last time he did that was. I just assumed it was one of the things he did with his wife. It made sense in my mind since there's a question on OKC that specifically asks if recreational drug use can be a romantic activity with a partner.
Mostly I figured out later on that our friendship was based around me listening to his problems. Hated his job, horrible marriage, etc and I eventually just got tired of it. I would tell him what he could do about it to fix things, and he would just give excuses as to why he couldn't make it happen. I was already really tired of being his emotional leaning post, so really the dine and dash was just the last straw. The whole trying to bang me thing after his marriage imploded was just the icing on the triple layer shit-cake of our friendship. No I don't miss him, and I don't care if we ever talk to each other again. I know it's mean of me, but some people are just toxic and I feel like he's one of them. Anyway, I promise another funny entry next week to balance out all the seriousness of this one. - S
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