A Band In Kansas

Foreword:
Like the fearless (or stupid) person I am, I decided one day that I wanted to go to the Abandon Kansas concert at our local tiny dive concert venue, but I didn't want to go alone.  I go to a lot of things alone, and I'm fine with it, but sometimes you just want to chill with someone.  Call me social....lol  Anyway, I decided to make a Craigslist post in the "platonic" section.  As none of my friends wanted to go because they were either busy or don't like the band, I didn't care who went with me as long as I didn't get roofied or murdered.  As both of those things are very easy to avoid if you take certain precautions but mostly, I was bored and not sleeping much at the time for a lot of reasons, so I had time on my hands to amuse myself with.  So, I ended up choosing a partner for the concert and I'll start our tale with the ad and the responses that I got.  - S

Meat & Potatoes:
I decided late one night when I couldn't sleep that since my insomnia had allowed me to catch up on all the TV I had wanted to watch, that during the week was the worst because all of my friends went to bed by midnight or 1am.  I was looking at the local concert listings to come up with ways to entertain myself when I saw that Abandon Kansas was coming to town.  I knew that none of my friends like them, and I'm not a huge fan, but I liked them enough to spend the like $10 (or less?) to get into the show.  Plus, they were BOGO free.  So, I put up an ad on Craigslist for funsies to see if I could find someone to go with.  If nothing else, I would have fun weeding through the responses.  I've made a friend here or there from Craigslist, which I know sounds odd but to me it's just like meeting people any other way.  I however, have an extensive weed out process.  Also, I had found room mates from CL before and I know that there are sane people out there who use the service.  It's just all about being safe.

Anyway, so I put up this hilarious and fun ad, and see what happens.  I get about 50 responses (which I think is about average) that range from downright creepy to normal sounding dudes.  A lot were guys who basically said "Hey I am married, but I totally would go and tell the wife.  She would be fine with it" to which I was like, yeah right....no thanks.  However, there was one message that was just a photo, with no words, and a photo of a man sitting and you could only see from his chest to his feet.  What's strange about this photo is that he's sitting on a toilet....and has an erection, and his pants/underwear down around his ankles.  I laughed my ass off and replied simply with "I think that you need more fiber in your diet".  Hopefully, that got a chuckle from the man, but I shall never know.  Apparently, that's a "thing" or fetish called a blumpkin which I had no idea existed until that moment.  Anyway, the two people I narrowed it down to were ironically enough both named Joe (not real names btw), about the same age and from the photos they sent didn't look like they owned a windowless van.  Since I intelligently created the post a few days in advance, I got to spend some time emailing and gchatting both of them.  I couldn't really decide between the two since I didn't really care and they both seemed harmless, so I flipped a coin.  We will call the winner Joey and the loser Jay.

So, I inform Joey that he won the coin toss and that I would meet him out front at blank time and we can go in together.  He had neglected to inform me, until the day of the concert, that he had never been to a real concert.  Only that he had been to like a symphony type sit down deal.  Which I saw as a red flag, but I figured, why not give the man a new experience?  So, I told him what I would be wearing and that I would be out front sitting on the bench and that if he wasn't sure if it was me, was running late or he got lost etc to call/text me.  I reminded him as well that this was a platonic thing and not a date, and he said he understood and he was excited to hang out.

So, I went to the concert and waited for him to arrive.  I played some angry birds, saw a guy come up and look for someone and sure enough it was Joey.  He had....used some myspace angles in the photos he sent me and was a very, very large man.  Which didn't matter to me since I just wanted to hang out with a friend, but I could tell that when he saw me he was surprised that I'm not horribly disfigured/ugly, so I was like...oh shit.  From that point on, he proceeded to drive me nuts.  He wanted to talk the entire time, even during the music.  If I told him that I couldn't hear him, he would text me.  Which I tended to ignore because none of it was important.  He complained that he has really sensitive hearing, so he disappeared at one point and came back with toilet paper stuck in his ears.  He complained that his legs hurt and he never stands this long (there was nowhere to sit that wasn't at the bar and I wasn't going to deal with that.  I wanted to see the band and the show.  We weren't super close to the band, there was no mosh pit or anything like that, it was pretty chill.  However, he disappeared more than once to get a drink and I told him that I didn't need anything.  Not only was a driving, but I didn't trust the guy.  He was offended when I didn't let him get me a drink and when I needed to take my meds I take every day I got a glass of water on my own.  He was really pissed about that, but I was just being careful.  Dude, my safety comes before your feelings.  Simple as that.

Once the music would stop playing it would be a nonstop complain fest, with breaks in there to throw in some date type questions.  When he finally left to go to the bathroom again or get a refill I started playing angry birds.  When he came back I was listening to the music, leaning on a railing and still playing my level.  I had like 1 or 2 birds to fling still and so I finished the level, lost horribly and put my phone away to pay attention to the show and music.  He proceeded to continue to get on my nerves, until about halfway into the 2nd opener's set he text me to tell me that he was going to meet up with some friends.  He asked me if I wanted to go, and I declined since I came to see the next act, which was the main headliner and he left.

I was relieved to have him gone but I was enjoying the concert anyway, so all was well on my end.  He proceeded to send me numerous texts after he was gone about how I should meet up with them after the show.  That he thought I was awesome.  He just felt bad he had no idea what to expect.  I said it was all fine in the break before the headliner came on.  I was really starting to get annoyed with him constantly texting me even though he left and I ignored his texts for the most part.  I was talking with some of my other friends too, so I was checking my phone pretty regularly and I was taking photos with my phone as well so his texts kept popping up.  Eventually, he talked about how he was so concerned with me getting to my car safely so late at night.  I told him I was a big girl and that I would be fine.  He persisted and told me how pretty I was, and other bullshit. I got so pissed that I finally snapped.  I was trying to enjoy the show.  He had done nothing but piss me off the whole time and now he was supposedly concerned for my safety?  When he left and basically wasted my ticket?!  If he really cared he would have stayed.  Oh. Hellll. No.

I then typed out a message that basically said the following:
Look, Joey.  I appreciate your concern for my well being.  However, if you really gave a shit whether or not I got safely to my car, you wouldn't have bailed before the headlining act.  I don't know what crazy world you live in where you just try and talk over loud noises just for the hell of it, but it really makes me doubt your intelligence.  Not only that, but it's extremely annoying to be pestered when you're trying to enjoy a show and someone is needily texting you over a LIVE BAND every two minutes to talk about nothing important at all.  Which, was furthermore mostly questions regarding my dating life and I repeatedly informed you that this was strictly a friendly gathering.  Also, you left before the main headliner, which really pissed me off because that was the whole reason I was going to the show.  Not only did you waste my ticket that I could have used to bring someone who wasn't going to be such a whiny bitch, you tried to convince me to come 'hang out' with your friends and skip the whole reason why I was here. Horribly making a case to convince me to ditch my original plans I might add. If you're going to be such a grade A fucking idiot, at least do it with some style.  Not being pissy when I don't finish my level of a video game while we can't even talk to begin with, and you just came back from god knows where for the 10th time.  Should you even be driving at this point anyway?  I'm pretty sure that you aren't safe to be behind the wheel of a car given how much booze you ingested prior to being insulted when I told you for the 50th time that I don't drink AT ALL when I drive.  Especially, pouting when I show back up with a glass of water to take my meds with.  Were you angry that I didn't trust a complete stranger to bring me an OPEN CONTAINER OF MYSTERIOUS LIQUID to take my prescribed medications with or did you think that I wasn't sharing some kind of illegal substance with you?  I really can't tell what is going on in that pea brain of yours, especially when you agree to go to a rock concert having no idea that we will be standing for the entire time, and have very sensitive hearing on top of your other physical limitations.  God damn it, this is just too much to deal with.  I'm going to turn my attention to the band that is playing now so that I at least get half of my money's worth out of this evening without some moron ruining my happy time.  Now if you'll excuse me, have a nice life and don't ever message me again.

The smartest thing Joey did all night was never respond.  I enjoyed the rest of the show and went home.  I got online per usual to good around until I went to sleep.  Lo and behold Jay sent me a message almost immediately saying "I bet you wish that you had picked me instead". I laughed my ass off and told him the whole story.  He told me that he loves it when he's right, and that as a male it seldom happens.  We had a wonderful conversation and made plans to get lunch that Saturday.  We hit it off at lunch, decided to hit up a movie after and have been really close friends ever since.

Reflection:
In hindsight, that was probably one of the dumbest things I've ever done in my life.  That guy could have drugged me somehow and taken me to his basement lair.  I think that internet dating has just kind of made me numb to certain factors.  Sadly enough lol  However, I have found that public places are the best way to go when you meet someone for the first time regardless of where you met them.  All in all, it's been nothing but a great story and a friendship gained.  In my book, that's always a win ;-)