I know what you're thinking. But S...it's not Veteran's Day! You're absolutely right, but as I sadly missed posting this around last Veteran's Day, I am giving a nod to our men who have and currently fight for our freedom. A-MER-CA! FUCK YEAH! Anyway, really that is just what I wanted to title this one since today's article is about my interaction with one of our great nation's soldiers. -S
Meat & Potatoes:
Nephew Sammy (Sammy): I want to be the 'unicorn" of a lesbian couple in order to be able to avoid dating etc...Never knew that term! Thanks.
Me: You're welcome. My sole purpose in life lately appears to be educating random guys on dating websites on what the term 'unicorn' means :-D I just got tired of telling people so I put it in my profile. :-)
Sammy: It's all good...but it doesn't sound all that bad. (Men always say...)
Me: Being a unicorn or teaching the masses?
Sammy: Being a unicorn. And teaching the masses.
Me: LOL I am a wealth of useless knowledge, so I'm used to it. I've done the whole being an uncommitted third thing before, but it just isn't for me. I've got friends who are really into the poly/swinger lifestyle but it's too complicated for my tastes lol Too many jealousy issues and insecurities...blech, I like my dating life simple.
Sammy: See and here I am trying to meet people to try to experience that to try something new besides the one on one thing.
Me: Well if you're into that kind of thing there's a whooooollleee community of people into it. You just have to find them ;-) Try Fetlife. You'll be better looking than 90% of the people there. You should do fine. (Seriously, he was better looking than a lot of people I've seen in the community. This is solely based upon my personal experiences.)
Sammy: I'm on there...hasn't really worked out...
Me: Oh really? Hrm, I wonder if you've been messaging the people I know. Well, the main person I know there is a guy. He's got a gf though, you tend to do better on there if you're attached I've heard. Hasn't worked out, like you haven't met anybody good or aren't getting responses?
Sammy: I got some responses, but like you said, single guys don't do well because I guess they think we are just looking for sex or whatever. I guess when you think about it, there has to be a bunch of lonely horny dudes messaging the crap out of most of these girls.
Me: Well, if you're on that site with the sole purpose to make a threesome happen, they're not wrong lol Unless you're searching for a Ms. Right and she's also Bi/wants to participate in them...even still, you can see where they would be wary of you. Oh, and there are horny lonely dudes messaging the crap out of girls on every dating site regardless of sexual orientation/theme etc lol At least I get those.
Sammy: Good points. Don't really have a whole lot of horny girls messaging the crap out of me though.
Me: Well duh lol If a woman wants an orgasm she just needs her trusty battery powered item(s). Guys don't always give a girl one and a sex toy is STD risk 0% lol Besides, if a woman wants to get laid it's gonna happen. Guys (in general, take it easy men) are easy :-D
Sammy: We are not...at least not all of us. (Aww, he is half-heartedly defending people...which probably aren't him) Plus we have toys as well, ever heard of a Fleshlight?
Me: Not all guys are easy lol I know you guys have toys too :-p I'm just saying. Yes I've heard of them I have plenty of guys friends who are gay, that love that thing.
Sammy: It has nothing to do with being gay. Fleshlight is a rubber vagina flashlight thing straight dudes like myself have one as well. Gay dudes just get the ass hole insert. (Now who is making blanket assumptions? lol Maybe gay men only like vagina if it's not attached to a woman. Maybe they can get it cheaper as a combo pack. Maybe they just sometimes want to switch things up. I'm not a gay man, I don't know.)
Me: Uhm, I didn't say it was a gay thing. I just said I have a bunch of gay guy friends who like it. Don't be so defensive.
Sammy: I'm sorry. I get very defensive when it comes to my Fleshlight. We have a very special relationship. (*opens mouth to make a smartass comment* Nope, nope...too obvious)
Me: File this under: Things you don't expect to hear...ever lol What an odd conversation. Never thought I would be discussing pocket pussies on here haha anyway, I'm not sure if I'm what you're looking for? At least your profile seems like you're looking for a girl who is super super super outdoorsy. I go outside and play, don't get me wrong but I've never really been one of those "Into The Wild" kind of people. I'll go hiking, play sports outside, do an obstacle course (the zipline one is fun down by Hocking Hills, although I did not fall once lol), I've always wanted to go skydiving, but...as crazy as I am you seem to want someone who wants to be outside all weekend and I'm more....I enjoy being outside with a purpose. Does that make sense? I dunno, maybe I'm interpreting your profile differently. Or are you just hoping that I can lead you to the land of threesomes? (Although I was enjoying this entertaining conversation, I didn't want him to get his hopes up or anything. I am so very much not what his profile was looking for.)
Sammy: I've already had 3some, 4some and multiple of 5somes. *bunch of phone error talk because his phone is screwing up*
Me: LOL reboot your phone! Download an update! Curse the tiny gremlins who live inside microchips!
Sammy: But, what I was trying to say is that I am NOT looking for anything at all. (Buzzkill, way to ignore my funny moment there) I'm not looking for a girlfriend. I'm not looking for 3somes, I have fulfilled that fantasy many times over and been in enough 5somes with 4 other girls that I don't think can be topped. I simply get on this app when I am bored. You just never know when you're going to get to have an awesome conversation about pocket pussies. (What ho, a compliment?!) And every once in a while you get the occasional tit pic. (So clearly hinting that he wants some dirty photos, which I ignore obviously) Which I like. Also, it looks like that read I have been enough threesomes which is a lie. I have been in enough 5somes. (Things I never expected to hear in a conversation...ever....lol)
Me: You must be bored a lot lol Well, that's one thing I'm good for, unconventional conversations. Yeah, romantically I'm on here the same as everyone else. Otherwise, I'm fine with making friends. I just wanted to figure out what your intentions were. I get the occasional creeper who is like..nice rack, want to help me find someone for both of us to enjoy? I'm like....uhh, thanks for the compliment? lol
Sammy: Dude, I have no intentions on this website. Fuck <insert dating website name here>!!! Entertainment purposes only. For all I know you could have a penis. Also, there's only one picture that really even shows your rack, but it does look nice from that angle. (Aww, he did notice. *sniffle I feel so special!)
Me: You are an angry one. And I do have a penis. A giant one. I just move my ankle when I have to adjust. Sucks never being able to wear shorts though :-( Oh, and this site is 99% entertainment for me too. The stories I could tell....(and am doing now! :-D)
Sammy: I am ranging on steroids.
Me: That's not good. It'll shrink your balls dude. Other bad side effects and such.
Sammy: HAHA I don't roid but I am a little grumpy.
Me: Awww, why are you grumpy? You look so happy in your photo with a baby cheetah. (No shit, his main photo involved him holding a cheetah cub. If anything could make the Grinch's heart grow 4 sizes, it would be that photo. I'll provide it below)
Sammy: I just got 2 hours of sleep last night. Woke up, drove 2.5 hours to this golf course north of Toledo and have been in the sun and 95 degree heat since 1100 and now I have to drive home and I am beyond worn out. I may take a nap in a parking lot before I start driving.
Me: Holy shit, I don't blame you lol I would just stay overnight up there or something. That's a lot. Also a recipe for you falling asleep at the wheel.
Reflection:
And that my friends is when he stopped responding. I am thinking he either took a nap, got bored or crashed his car. You can pick his fate in this create your own adventure by selecting one of the three prompts on your screen....
Anyway, I am always surprised where conversations take me on a regular basis. By far, this one was on my favorites. Plus, baby animal photos are always a plus. Dawwwww! I wish that I had saved a better photo than the tiny one I had, but it inadvertently blurs everything which protects his privacy. You can kind of make out the adorableness that is the cheetah cub from the photo though. :-)
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