Tips & Tricks: Crafting The First Message

Foreword:
So you've finally found someone who makes your heart flutter, at least as much as someone can do over a dating profile.  Congrats!  Now it's time to reach out and let them know that you would like to engage them in intercourse.  Of the verbal kind, you perv.  If you think that the first message is an opportunity to try and pick them up for sex, you clearly haven't been reading this blog.  On the other hand, if you have, hopefully you've learned which tactics not to use.  Either way, here is a formula that you can use that I feel will up your chances of getting a response and also probably make you seem like less of a creeper. - S

Meat & Potatoes:
I believe in simplicity.  You don't want to overwhelm them with a novel about how awesome they are, they probably already know that.  What you do want to do, is draw attention to the things that attracted you to their profile and leave things open for further conversation.

First thing, open with a greeting that you would usually use in an email or text.  Keep it relaxed and casual, this isn't a formal letter.  Then, don't stop with just the greeting.  That's lazy.  Also, that gives you (and them) nowhere really to go from the interaction.  I personally don't respond to those at all, unless I'm feeling sarcastic/bored.

Instead, mention something that stood out in their profile.  Maybe a shared movie interest, a book they read that you also loved, something witty they said that made you laugh.  Whatever thing stood out the most to you that you genuinely want to talk about or let them know caught your attention.  OTHER THAN SOMETHING PHYSICAL.  Obviously, you think that they're attractive, otherwise you wouldn't have messaged them in the first place.  No need to overtly state it.  It makes you seem pervy and creepy.  There's nothing wrong with a compliment, but you want to show them that you're interested in them for more than their looks.

Next, you will want to say something funny, witty or interesting.  This can also be in conjunction with the above mentioned topics.  Send a link to something funny that you both have in common.  An interesting article.  Make an actually funny joke.  Keep it light, keep it on topic, and above all else keep it memorable.  Be careful of going too far over the line into crazytown, creepersville, or any other similar areas.

Lastly, end with a question about them that you are genuinely curious about.  Again, common interests are good here.  Stay away from "So how are things going for you on here?" or "Had any luck?"  That just makes you sound like you're fishing for info, want to be friends or other non-productive things.  Asking about something you want to talk about with them, spurs conversation, shows that you're truly interested in them and above all else gives you guys someplace for the conversation to go.  If you don't allow for that, then your conversation will end and the other  person will think that you've lost interest or they'll lose interest.

All of this should be accomplished in 3-6 sentences, max.  Keep it short, keep it pleasant and be yourself.  You don't want to feed them full of lines you think that they want to hear, because in the end they'll see right through anyone who is playing games.

Examples of bad messages:

Hey sexy.  I loved your photos.  Damn girl, you love Shawshank and you like Thai food?  How about we go get our grub on together tonight?
- Too much about the looks, seems like you just want to take her to dinner, then bed.

Hey.  Nice profile.  Having any luck on  here? ;-)
- Insecure and potentially desperate.

Yo babe, I can see us being together forever.  You are perfect.  Can I get your number?
- Lies.  Bullshit.  How can you even type with all that bull doody you're juggling?

There's just one thing wrong with your profile, I can't see dat ass from the front.  Want to send me some of you from behind?  I'll show you my junk.  IT'S HUGE!
- Suuuuuuuuurrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeee it is.

I saw in your 3rd photo that you were at Bob Evans.  I love that place.  I think that you go to the one by my house.  Do you live near me?  I'll have to keep an eye out for you.
- Creeper....stalker.   BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK.

Hello M'lady.  I am quite impressed with your profile.  Not only do you enjoy Star Wars but also have a degree in quantum physics, all while looking just as beautiful as Felicia Day.  I would love to take you out for a night of culture and fine dining, but sadly I do not drive.  Can you pick me up?  If not, I'll be forces to bring my white steed.  If you have a thing for men in uniform I have quite a few to pick from.  Suit of armor, Starfleet (of course not a red shirt ha-ha-ha), and many other things we can discuss.  Perhaps you would like to meet up both in our blue body paint and talk about the finer points of Avatar, since I see that you loved the movie.  I'll be sure to wear my finest trilby and duster.  Shall we set a date for the wedding yet?  I'll pick, I know just the right one and venue already.  Don't worry, I am sure you'll love it, as I am an intelligent and well read man on all subjects.  Plus, I'm always right.  Talk to you soon!
- Neckbeard alert!

Examples of good messages:

Hi!  My name is Peter.  Please, no penis jokes, I have heard them all haha  I loved your profile!  Especially the part where you discussed your interest in movies.  What's the most recent one you've seen?  I sadly have been in a bit of a movie slump and could use an excuse to go see one.  What is one that you're excited to come out soon?

Hey there!  Your profile is spectacular!  I am also a bit of a literary nut since I was an English major in college.  What was your favorite book that you read recently?  I somehow manage to always see the movie before reading the book because I know that the book is always going to be better lol  However, I didn't feel that way about __________ for some reason.  I also love to travel and went to Mexico City for the first time last year, it was so much fun!  Got any fun travel plans for the summer?

Hello, Xena.  How was your weekend?  I went to Cedar Point myself and had a great time with friends.  Roller coasters are also one of my favorite things in the world.  I see that you mentioned that you play sports, what do you play?  I never really was a stellar athlete but I do enjoy playing basketball from time to time.  I'm too short to ever be taken seriously but I bet I can give you a run for your money in Horse lol  We can make things interesting and wager a penny.  I'm such a high roller :-D

Reflection:
Simple, right?  Well, it is if you actually take the time to read their profile and actually put some thought into this message.  If you were looking for some generic message that would slay all the ladies/gentlemen, I am sorry to disappoint but it just doesn't exist.  The thing is, that each person (whether it's actually true or not) is a special snowflake and they need to be treated individually.  It may seem like a lot of work, but in the end, if they turn out to be someone you can see yourself with it'll be all worth it in the long run.  Take your time, keep it fun and interesting and above all else be yourself.  That is, after all what this is all about, you getting to know someone else, right? - S