Foreword:
So one of the more frequent things I get asked by people is what do people do right. How can someone catch your attention? What can someone do to catch any girl's attention? I'm going to attempt to answer some of these questions and give some examples over the next few weeks. Then, we can go back to making fun of the ones who fail miserably. - S
Meat & Potatoes:
What you ultimately want to do is find a girl (or guy), craft a wonderful message and get a chance to wow him (or her) with your awesomeness in person so that you can run off into the sunset on your personal happily ever after. Whatever that may be. Just because I live my life a certain way, doesn't meant that I don't know others who live alternative lifestyles, whatever floats your boat and brings you home to papa is your business. I may not want your particular life, but I respect you hunting for what will make you happy. So, the first thing everyone expects me to tell them is how to craft the perfect message. However, no matter how wonderful your message is you must always have a few things in place as a bare minimum in your dating profile before they can truly be dazzled into responding.
Must Haves:
1- A profile free of creepy, overly sexualized, douchey or group photos
This seems like a simple one, but I can't tell you how many times I've gone through someones photos only to never figure out which person they are. It's a fact that group photos make you look better by taking in the best features of all of your friends, but not every photo should be a group one. Your profile shouldn't be a puzzle, put a damn selfie in there if you have to. While we're at it, smile in a fucking photo once in a while. Guys seem to think that showing their smile makes them seem less manly, but really you just look like a creeper. You know what else makes you seem like a creeper? Horrible lighting. If you're swathed in shadow, then chances are you are just making her wonder what dark alley you crawled out of. Everyone has a photographer friend or access to a camera of some kind. Clean yourself up, put on a nice shirt, and turn on a fucking light. Is this too much to ask?! Bonus points for funny photos. Negative points for shirtless mirror photos, you can show that you have a nice physique by doing more than just portraits, selfies, or cropping out your buddy in your head shots. You assume that if she has all head shots, that she's fat, so throw one in of you standing around, sitting with friends or something. Get creative.
2- Enough info and questions to tell someone about yourself and you actual interests. Most dating sites offer a wide array of questions for you to honestly answer about yourself and some way of showing your personality, interests and a wide variety of things. Bullet point things if you have to, but get your key points across without sounding like a fanatic, condescending or a snob. Also, if you can manage to not sound like a neckbeard, that is great too. Keep it down to a minimum too while you're at it, no one wants to read a novel. The longer it is, the less likely that they'll read the whole thing.
3- Honesty
It's trite, but goddamnit, be yourself! No one wants to read this profile crafted stating what a straight laces young professional you are, when you're actually a dirty hippie who hasn't kept a job in years. If you're a nerd, let your flag fly (in moderation) and for the love of god just be honest about what you're looking for. Honesty will always get you at the bare minimum respect. At least, from someone who is worth your time.
Reflection:
All of the stuff above can be adapted for your particular dating site of choice. Tinder is a bit more difficult, but you can get your personality across in the short character limit and more importantly by taking the fucking time to select things that you actually like for the matches to come up. It takes time, but they don't give you a lot to work with on there. The rest of the dating sites give you a lot more to work with. Also, lets be honest, you're probably not looking for love on Tinder. Some people happen upon it by accident, but most of the people on there are just looking for some ass. My biggest concern is that someone will use all this info to pull some kind of stint like that jackass in Hitch. If you do, be prepared for me to break your shit off. Okay, pumpkin?
Look, I said up front this would be a series. We will get into the message crafting section in time, be patient. If you can't be patient, feel free to hire me for my services and I'll teach you right now. For three easy payments of $99.95, plus shipping and handling.
Next installment....I teach you how to hunt. Grr baby, very grr! *sigh I'm the only one who quotes Austin Powers anymore. I feel old. - S
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