Ass Burgers

Foreword:

Ever have a friend or a person so intent on finding someone similar to them that they read everything you do as you having the same disorder as them? No....well then, that's normal lol I had an interesting conversation with a man who was so sure that I have Asperger Syndrome. Yes ladies and gentlemen, diagnosis via dating profile. This is a first for me and now I am sharing this momentous occasion with you. - S

Meat & Potatoes:

AssBurgers (AB): I just have to say your profile is awesome. Oddly a lot of your characteristics remind me of myself. Have a great day and DFTBA

Me:  I'll be honest, I had to look up DFTBA (Which is "Don't Forget To Be Awesome"..pssh, like that is even possible) lol I'll truly never try to forget that. Question, why are you on here if you're seeing someone? I know it says friends, but 90% of people on there who say that are liars lol

AB:  As stated in my profile, I'm very honest. So, with that in mind, I am indeed seeing someone, she lives 120 Miles away. I love her very much. I see love differently than most as I was raised in household with polyamorous parents. I am here looking for interesting people to either take over the world with and/or for good conversations. I find no reason to hide my intentions or lie, it's simply wastes both parties time.

I reached out to you because maybe you need a partner in crime. Every semi-crazy person needs someone to tell them it's alright. Plus like I said you describe yourself like an aspie. I love meeting other people who see the world as I do. Rational and calculating.

Me:  Lots of people saaayy they're honest lol However, I get it. I've poly friends and I respect that lifestyle.

I'm always down for adding to my crime ring lol I've always thought I was different than others so maybe I am one. My Dad has 3 PhD's in psychology but I'm always explaining my Dad's crazy ass actions to others so who knows lol I honestly don't know much about it. I'll have to look it up when I'm bored this weekend in between sets. I'm heading down out to do Press at a music festival in a few hours. You up to anything interesting this weekend?

AB:  I don't even know why I brought up the damn poly thing. Shit now I look like I'm try to pick you up. Not my intention. I just hate how some humans have this perspective that one human can only "love" on other person. I care about everyone I know. That is, if they can tolerate my oddness for long enough to realize I push people away because I'm afraid of being used. Damn it still sounds like I'm trying to pick you up.

This weekend my Father is coming down for a bike ride. Saturday night and Sunday are free.

Maybe there is a museum or something we can walk around and stare at art and discuss what drugs the artist was on.

If you think I have candid intentions, ask me directly. I have trouble with things when they are not put directly. I also have a hard time with sarcasm. I still keep rereading your profile, and smirking at all the shit that I do too.

Do you ever do that thing were you start talking and keep talking and don't even realize the person you are talking to doesn't even care?

How about taking a really small problem that most everyone else would just let pass by, and instead you focus on it with so much effort and make it into a big deal? ~My boss loves this about me.

Does the humming of fluorescent lights in a quiet room make you want to scream?

Me:  LOL calm down, I'm not one of those conceited people who assumes everyone is trying to pick them up all the time. However, this is a dating site, so the assumption isn't horribly off :-p I believe you.

Well that is a really cool thing to have in common. My Dad & I are both athletes but he's too old to play stuff with me anymore lol Our main pastime is picking on my siblings and my niece. Still a lot of fun.

Are you referring to the not quite downtown area? lol Because that's just one giant art district essentially.

I just assume that no one cares about what I'm saying unless we're talking about something in common. If I'm really bored I'll just keep changing subjects until we have something to chat about. lol

I do that from time to time, but I'm more of a 'meh, it'll work out' or I'm the one fixing everything lol

I only hear the humming of fluorescent lights if the light is about to die. I do have really oddly broad hearing range. However, when I do hear it...yes, it's a problem lol. I think that may be why I always listen to music. It covers things up :-) Speaking of music, I'm supposed to be researching bands for interview questions. Well back to work!

I just took an online Aspie test, and my score was a 9/50. I think that I'm more....a no bullshit person lol Also, highly logical. I'm pretty sure my friend Hermit is an aspie though and I love him just the same :-) (If you're reading this Hermit, you probably aren't really an Aspie after my taking the more extensive test and learning a lot more about the disorder. I still love you just the same though :-) )

AB:  Did you take this one? http://rdos.net/eng/Aspie-quiz.php

"Is it OK for a person in a serious relationship to use a dating site to make new friends?"

"No Hell. No. I'm not the jealous type but c'mon.... "

Well, so that's a bit awkward.

Hope the festival is/did treat you well.

Me:  Lol I forgot I answered that one. Honestly, I answered differently for that one at first but like I said most guys who are in your situation are liars. They're on here looking for a 3rd or married men looking for a mistress, or they're poly and say 'well, I look for friends first but...'. I told you that I respect the lifestyle, but I'm not interested in it myself. Like I said, I believed you when you say that you're really looking for friends. It's just that most people are liars. (HOUSE WAS RIGHT! YOU KNOW IT! I KNOW IT! WE ALL KNOW IT! EVERYONE LIES!!!!)

The festival is good. I'm just chilling for most of the day. We don't have to be there until like 3 today :)

I took that quiz you linked me to, it's much more in depth.

Your Aspie score: 48 of 200 Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 178 of 200 You are very likely neurotypical

AB:  Heading out of town with the sig other for the weekend. I also have to be out of town the weekend of the 20th. :-( Sooner or later we can do something. Maybe you aren't an aspie, you are still a cool person

Me:  Awww how fun! Oh well, there's always later lol Thanks you seem cool too :) Have fun!

AB:  Monday = Done. Work was meh, power went out a few times. Weekend was good, had some really deep conversation with the Fiance about why I am on a dating site. She came to realize that as I am someone attracted to both sexes it is difficult to get everything from one person. I know we don't know each other well, but I was curious to know how you might feel if your Bi fiance said he was interested in also dating men.

*Message was sent while I was a bit drunk. I don't drink to often so this stuff really screws with me.

Me:  Aaah. Well, I know people who are like that, who need both. I personally, prefer men I'm just open to women. However, lesbians tend to shy away from Bi girls because they don't trust or understand them. I am also a monogamous person at heart, so I can't really speak so much other than what I know of my poly friends. They tend to want one person to have all the socially positive stuff. Someone to take places, get tax cuts and such, so it complicates and simplifies things at the same time. Emotions are funny things for most people, they can't always logic their way out of them. Personally, I don't know how I would feel as I'm not even remotely the jealous type, and it would open things up for me on the female side so I dunno really. It would probably be like if he said that he wanted to see other women personally. Is your relationship not poly already? That would really throw a wrench in the works lol

I get messages like this all the time. I apparently have a 'tell me your secrets' or 'you look like you're understanding/give good advice' face :D​

***Read by AssBurgers

***Sorry, AssBurgers no longer has an account

Reflection:

This is one of those situations where I feel, that people project their own situation onto others based on really what they want to see. People are always looking for a kindred spirit. However, where I just do things because I think that they're funny or deal with a lot of nonsense, I could see where he could have gotten the impression that I had some kind of social disorder. Whereas, I am always aware of how I appear to others. I just don't give a flying fuck anymore. I think that his dropping off of the face of the earth had to do with his situation with his lady more than anything else. I did however find it odd how frequently he re-read my profile. I mean, I'm funny but I'm not THAT funny....Meh, whatever. What do I want to take away from this experience? There's a fine line between a discerning eye on these dating sites and diagnosing actual conditions. But hey, I say keep it coming because I am always amused by the things said to me in some manner. It's a bit like guys always sharing their farts with other guys, girls just don't understand why they do that....most don't understand why I interact with so many weirdos. Who cares, whether or not you understand me fully and my reasons behind this...just be entertained. Happy New Year everyone, go forth and enjoy 2014.