Foreword:
I've been working on my mind reading skills since I was old enough to realize that I am not Jean Grey. Sadly, I haven’t perfected this skill (Or developed anything even remotely similar to telepathy or telekinesis. Well, other than my ability to move people away from me with just one snarky comment...) but I have learned that I am very intuitive when it comes to people. Occasionally these skills surprise even myself. Of course this became a valuable tool when I decided to join the online dating scene. Which brings us to this week’s blog. This poor unsuspecting man has found himself inside my crystal ball and...well, you can just read it for yourself. - S
Meat & Potatoes:
Mr Crystal Ball (MCB) 22% Enemy 55% Friend 46% Match (<---Normally I don’t put this up here, and I don’t put a whole lot of trust in these numbers, but in this case they were spot on so why not :-D ): Not sure on the Halloween 2012 pic, however I like the boots. Also, how did you manage to get Gumby to stay still and not bend/contort his way out of a photo. (My profile photo had a photo of a guy dressed in a Gumby costume & I together. What can I say, I like to be original)
Me: Ok...I feel like guys need to have a female friend go over their profile and pick their photos for them. When guys don't smile or are doing that weird selfie angle they tend to look creepy. However, since the second line of your message was kind of funny I decided to respond. (I am a fair and just ruler of all I see. All hail me and my generous heart! Or shake your head at me wasting my time giving people a chance to redeem themselves. Meh, it’s a toss up ;-) )
Daria for halloween. Make sense now? (I had a photo of me as Daria for for Halloween a couple years ago, and invited the profile reader to guess what the costume was. I mean c’mon, it was black boots, a black pleated skirt, green military jacket, orange top peeking through, I straightened my hair and put on glasses. Hell, I even have bangs. It wasn't that hard people)
Gumby is a reasonable character, I just asked for a photo and he stood still. Pretty simple. Maybe you shouldn't assume that he's so photo shy :p
MCB: Ah yes, I was thinking that but wasn't 100% sure. (Second strike, no guts no glory. The first strike was having such a self deprecating and creepy profile)
My Gumby remark was more about what he is made from vs the human analogue that you got a photo with.
I've asked a few to review my profile and thus far got the thumbs up.
Me: Really? I wouldn't have let those photos slide for any of my friends. Then again I'm a photographer and when they whined 'But I hate Allll the photos of me I have', then I would whip out my camera and take some photos for them.
I was joking about the Gumby thing. I know what you meant. Lighten up buttercup.
MCB: Yea, ironically the girl that gave the thumbs up is a graphic art major.... (I’ve discovered that if your profile sucks then whatever ‘female friend’ that you asked to review it sabotaged you because they’ve got a crush. Sometimes they don’t care. Or, you are spot on and your profile is a window into your soul. Whatever the case may be, choose your friendly reviewer wisely)
I thought you may of been, but gosh words without context don't convey intent well, often time I offend because of it. (Strike 2.5 for bad grammar)
Me: Uhm....not to be mean, but she may want to rethink her career. (How do I get away with saying these kinds of things to people? lol) Or...she's one of those people who can't tell when someone/something is creepy... or she knows that you've got a mouth full of awful teeth so she was just happy you weren't flashing those pearly grays....
I'm not that easily offended. However, you apparently are concerned about it in your questions, whereas I am not. Ever lol
Also, what's the story behind the 2 year degree at 29? I was almost done with that before I left high school lol (True story)
MCB: Do you know me or something?
Me: Not that I'm aware of?
MCB: You kinda sorta nailed the teeth part, I had a bad orthodontist.
Me: Hahahahaha (<---Laughing hysterically with my foot in my mouth. What can I say, I’m talented) I'm a photographer, I know a lot about photos and how they look, how people hide stuff...etc etc Plus, I've been told I'm pretty smart. You didn't answer my question though about the school stuff.
MCB: Figured I'd let the fallout on the teeth part settle first.
Right out of HS I wasn't mature enough for college, I tried and wasn't ready, so I worked a lot vs school. Finally got serious about school in 2010 and would of been graduating with a 4 year this spring, but was 2,000/semester short. So I'm getting my 2 year from that university (to at least have something from there) I had to go back to CSCC to get a 2 year in my career field I was in at the 4 year university. My plan in is next fall after getting a good job in my field finishing the 4 year degree that I was only a year from completing.
Me: Aaaahhhh.....hopefully your credits transfer. An Associates just gets you out of your Gen Eds lol Well, most of them. However, that's a story for another day.
So why the super blank and blunt profile? I feel like mine is much more revealing. (Since he’s up to 2.5 strikes if this response is boring I am probably going to pass)
MCB: I've done in the past a descriptive profile and got zero replies, so im trying the opposite.
Fair enough. I don't understand most women so I am not even going to bother to try and figure out their view on profile length. Lol
lol so any interest? (ZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz)
Reflection:
Sadly, no...poor guy. I was mostly just curious, and now that he answered my questions I lost interest almost immediately. “A” has told me many times that I give everyone (who isn’t batshit crazy) a fair shot. I gave this guy a shot because 1- His profile name had Dogbert in it, and well...Dilbert is the tits. 2- He was kind of funny in his profile and 3- I felt that someone needed to help him with his profile and of course 4- I was bored lol
I’ve noticed over the years that men often don’t understand the ‘creepy’ vibe. It’s like they are impervious to the rapey/creepy/sleazy vibes their friends give off. Calm down penis bearers, I didn’t say all of you are like that, but it’s a common thing. Ask one of your female friends if you have a creepy guy friend, I’m sure that they’ll probably name one quickly and you’ll be shocked. However, if they can’t name one quickly either you’ve been blessed by the friend fairy or you’re the creepy friend. With odds like that, who can resist? :-D Anyway, I’ve noticed that this seems to transcend into male dating profiles. The photos on there are usually creepy ass angles, no smiling, dark webcam selfies….*shudders. Do yourself a favor and have a female friend go over your profile (preferably one who has at least passable grammar and spelling). When this saint of a friend who is helping you gives you feedback, don’t get defensive, just fix it. Really, they’re helping you. It’s the non-bar version of having a wing-woman. Don’t disregard this valuable feedback!!! *steps down from soapbox* Whoever thought that “A” was the only one giving out advice here is wrong! BOOYAH! Now that this PSA is over, I shall wish all of you readers a Happy Turkey Day and part with some Thanksgiving themed funnies.
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