Foreword:
Another chat that probably happened when I was surfing the web late one night. Conversations like the ones I'm posting here are why people keep the chat options off on dating websites. Lucky for my own personal amusement, I find them hilarious rather than scary. - S
Meat & Potatoes:
Writer Guy (WG): Bet you give GREAT head ;)
Me: Well, that is quite an opening line. What makes you think that?
WG: Well for some reason, short and curvy seems to equate to “better in bed”. Also, you have great DSL’s
Me: What are DSL’s?
WG: Google “DSL, slang”
Me: Of course I could do that, but you’re the one who used it. I figured you would be able to express it quickly and efficiently since you’re a fellow writer. Oh well, Urban Dictionary explained it for me. Apparently I knew “dick sucking lips”, I just never have seen it shortened like that.
WG: HAHA, touche. Just figured you’d like to scour the results. Anyway, those are the details that make me think that
Me: Well thanks for the compliment, but I just don’t see how you telling me what I can do for you is going to lure me out of the comfort of my own home. I know men are selfish creatures but…;-) I am curious to know how successful you are with opening a conversation that way though. Logically, if I were in someone else’s shoes, trying to get a hookup started I would say something like “I want you to sit on my face” or “I’ve been told I eat pussy like a lesbian”.
WG: We definitely are, but I didn’t mean tonight...don’t leave the comfort of your own home to suck the dick of a stranger on the internet.
Me: Sadly, I have heard from guys that girls do that kind of thing. I didn’t inquire as to what kind of antibiotics they needed afterward...or if their contracted disease was incurable :-D
WG: LOL good point. But, to answer your question, yes it does work. Weeds out those who aren’t interested.
Me: Awww, come on now…you’re a decent looking fellow. You need to be a bit more creative I would think. I mean, it’s not like I have any experience picking up women...oh wait, I do ;-)
WG: Also, “you look like you give great head” doesn’t necessarily mean “I want you to suck my cock and leave”. It mostly means “I want to eat your pussy and fuck you until you cream on my cock so you can suck your own pussy juices off and taste what I’ve had the pleasure of tasting” or something similar. And thanks for the compiment :-) Same to you.
Me: HAHA, ok, now...I know you’re bullshitting and backtracking trying to cover your tracks. We both know that is not the hidden meaning behind that original comment. A+ for effort though.
WG: Honestly, no...the hidden meaning is just that I want a girl who can give great head because you would be surprised by how many are utterly horrible at it.
Me: If that were the ‘read between the lines’ kind of thing women assumed, they would always be disappointed :-D HAHA You know what, I have heard that from many guys. Girls are always like…”you won’t have that problem with me” or “I’ve never had any complaints”, but it’s such a crap shoot.
WG: This is true. If they’ve never had a complaint it’s because guys don’t have the heart to complain.
Me: Likewise LOL It’s just easier to say...hrm...maybe we should just have regular sex...and...we’ll just not have you do that down there ever again.
WG: God, how utterly disappointing sex would be if that were the case… IDK about you, but great head is GRRRREEEAATTT. Good head is ‘mehhhh, let’s just do it”. I was last with a girl who wouldn’t give it at all.
Me: You’re a man on a mission lol
WG: Which is probably why my introductory approach has been distilled to the line you recieved haha
Me: I could see most girls ignoring you for that
WG: I’m a man with a goal and a need...like every great story that’s ever been told lol
Me: When I gave you shit back and you didn’t run, that’s when I knew this might be interesting
WG: Eh, I can give it out so I can take it….metaphorically...I don’t like assplay lol
Me: HAHA I personally don’t enjoy things up there myself, but whatever floats your boat. Pegging included. So, why did you decide to chat with me? Did you have a hankering for witty banter? Or than the obvious you wanting a BJ.
WG: Honestly, I wanted to fuck you so I started with sex. Simple, to the point.
Me: Well, you are a guy who knows what he wants. And yet...you didn’t expect me to just come over and ride you like a bronco. How very complex.
WG: Figured if you’re not interested, you won’t respond or you’ll bitch me out. I mean, if you wanted to ride me like a bronco right now, I would seriously consider it.
Me: HAHA no offense, but you could be crazy. Have a chloroform rag all ready and a dungeon to keep me in. Or vice versa. You don’t know me, I could look all sweet and innocent and have a man cave...filled with men.
WG: Yeah, I’ve heard that a lot lol But there are still sane women out there who take the chance. Guess from my POV, if I were a woman, I would be very hesistant, but at the same time...this ‘stranger sex’ stuff can be insanely erotic and fun.
Me: Oh indeed, people take people home from the bar all the time. It’s essentially the same. I have for some reason never really been much for that. I prefer to meet you in a public place. Make sure you’re not some kind of nutjob who can’t handle human interaction. Don’t drive a white windowless van etc
WG: HAHA exactly. For me, I like to meet near the place we’ll be fucking, make sure the person is who I think they are, and then we make a mutual decision to continue or call it there. That way you can capitalize on the momentum you’ve already created without all the social ‘slowdowns’.
Me: That sounds like something very logical. I could have some really old photoshopped photos. I could have an eye patch, peg leg...pirate ship etc
WG: Exactly. Or a dick, but I guess I wouldn’t know that til we got back to your place.
Me: My place? Why does it have to be my place? My telling you I have a literal man cave didn’t care you away?! You could also, have a vagina.
WG: lol But you would like that! And your place because I have roommates, assuming you don’t. Seems like you are entertaining the idea now.
Me: No I’m not actually lol I had a migraine all day, and orgasms just make them worse.
WG: I’m sorry to hear that. Tonight won’t work anyway.
Me: Why? Whiskey dick?
WG: No, I’m DD for my friends and I just got the call to pick them up.
Me: Aww, how sweet..he has a kind heart.
WG: Sometimes...need some animalistic shit in the bedroom though. Some innate need or something. Have to turn off the brain and let the Id run loose
Me: *slow clap* Wow, a Freud reference
WG: Boom goes the dynamite.
Me: If you’re lucky
WG: So yeah, we should continue this convo another time. I’ve gotta go, said I was leaving like 10 mins ago.
Me: Okie doke, message me again sometime when you feel like having some interesting conversation.
WG: Definitely.
Me: You spelled definitely right. Such a good student :-) GOLD STAR! Bye!
Reflection:
Never heard from him again. When I went into the OKC IM history it said that the profile was deleted. Wot Wah. Wherever you are Writer Guy I hope you got your BJ :-)
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