Foreword:
If you are unaware of the way online dating websites are set up, most of them have a 'live chat' option (or at least all the ones I've used) and you can leave this feature on or off as you see fit. I personally, as we have discovered, like to leave it on. Mostly it's just to amuse myself at the expense of the poor drunk man on the other side of the internet trying to get me to come over. This particular story is about a (relatively) well meaning but not very convincing guy who doesn't understand when to stop beating a dead horse. - S
Meat & Potatoes:
GenericGuy(GG): I really like your profile, you seem like a lot of fun.
Me: (While reading his profile and finding it extremely boring...)Thank you.
GG: So, what are you up to?
Me: Catching up on tv, checking email etc nothing too exciting. It is a holiday lol You?
GG: Just relaxing, enjoying being on vacation. Only a few days left.
Me: Ohh, cool, you're on vacation? Doing anything exciting?
GG: I just got back in town. My Mom got married this weekend. Went up to Geneva On The Lake.
Me: How nice. Always odd when parents get re-married
GG: Yea, it was a weird feeling, happy for her though. She deserves to be happy.
Me: Well, what number marriage was it? Hopefully, not Elizabeth Taylor type numbers lol (8+)
GG: 2nd haha
Me: Well, she's got a fighting chance then. After like 3 or 4, I think people are just trying to get more presents :-D
GG: They have been together 10 years
Me: Ok, well that ups the statistics as well I imagine lol
GG: So, are you having any luck on here? (Who just asks that unless they just want to be friends or just is looking for some ass?)
Me: What do you mean?
GG: Meet any good guys?
Me: Oh, you know how these things go, you meet some crazies, and you meet other people of varying craziness
GG: LOL Well, I am going to be honest with you, I really liked your profile and do find you very attractive, but I'm not sure if I am looking for anything serious at this moment. Are you interested in something casual?
Me: Yeah I get a lot of those messages too. Honestly, thanks for not just sending me a message that says 'want to bone' but I'm not really looking for something in the casual realm of things right now, but thanks for the compliment.
GG: No problem, I understand. I hope I didn't offend you. You are very sexy and you look really good in a dress.
Me: lol I'm not offended
GG: I'll be honest, I am a little bummed you aren't interested. You are really sexy.
Me: Well, thanks but I've got enough on my place as far as that goes. I'm sure that you can imagine there's no shortage of guys just looking for sex.
GG: LOL, no, on-going
Me: Oh, you want like a fuck buddy.
GG: Friends with benefits
Me: Same thing
GG: Eh, yes and no. I still would like to hang out not just do booty calls. I just don't have time for a serious relationship but I'm also not a manwhore (Good for you buddy....someone in this world has to balance out the amount of sex my male gay friends are having)
Me: LOL I see, you just want the milk for free
GG: You have such a cute personality
Me: Cute? I hear that I'm feisty all the time...sometimes funny
GG: I like it
Me: Well, aren't you full of compliments
GG: BTW, what is a unicorn?
Me: Oh, it's an unattached female who is willing to be a 3rd for a couple in a threesome or who wants to be a sex buddy for both the male and female in the relationship, but wants none of the relationship aspects.
GG: Never heard of that term haha makes sense
Me: My friend told me about it. I honestly get a ton of people who ask me what it is. I am sure it's on Urban Dictionary. I will add a link in my profile and see how much that cuts down on people just asking me what it means.
GG: Are you sure you're not interested?
Me: Eh, honestly those things never work. (Except for one guy who was awesome...I'm glad that men who can maintain that kind of relationship are out there lol) They always fall in love with me, I'm just saving you heartache.
GG: Maybe you are worried about falling in love with me (Don't flatter yourself...you haven't been that charming yet and your photos portray you as average looking at best)
Me: No, I'm pretty great at compartmentalizing. If I had the desire to try juggling multiple relationships I could probably be poly
GG: lol Are you juggling any right now?
Me: A lady never kisses and tells...however, I only have sex with one person at a time and you would be vying to replace him lol
GG: Is it bad that i want you right now?
Me: You don't even know me. I could be a real bitch.
GG: You don't seem to be one right now. You look good and there is just something about the way you talk...
Me: I'm not generally mean, no...but I can be if I'm provoked (monkeys only fling poo when provoked). I've been told that I'm charming/have a way with words
GG: I bet you would be a lot of fun in the bedroom too. Just a hunch haha
Me: I don't have any complaints...rather I haven't gotten any, but, sex is like pizza, even if it's bad...it's still good. At least if you're a guy. Girls are more difficult. Guys just need some friction and an imagination.
GG: All true haha
Me: It's true, you're simple creatures
GG: Are you even a little tempted by me?
Me: You are very flattering, that's for sure. People do like to be flattered.
GG: Wait til you see what I can do in the bedroom.
Me: Very confident, aren't you? People talk mad game when it comes to that stuff. You'll have to forgive me if I don't believe you.
GG: I just make sure the woman is always pleased.
Me: That's what they all say.
GG: You are right, they do. I just haven't had any complaints.
Me: Because guy's egos are sooo fragile! No one wants to crush their soul.
GG: Well you can be honest if we ever do hook up, ok? So what's your fav position?
Me: Not doggy right now, I took a softball to the knee the other day.
GG: I hope you're ok. You're supposed to catch those in a glove. (Thanks Capt'n Obvious)
Me: I'm fine, stepped in a hole and threw my balance off. It happens.
GG: If you are healthy, what do you prefer?
Me: You certainly have a one track mind :D
GG: Is the sex talk bothering you?
Me: Eh, you're a very focused individual.
GG: Truth be told, I am a very horny individual.
Me: You don't say...I couldn't tell.
GG: If it wasn't for that injured knee I would come bend you over :-)
Me: You are persistent....(Understatement of the century)
GG: Can I get your number? (No joke, there was about 2 seconds after my response before he sent this)
Me: At this point I would just be afraid you would blow it up with texts for me to come over, or dirty photos of yourself....or requests for dirty photos of me...
GG: And what's wrong with that? lol jk (You are sooooo not kidding....)
Me: Well, maybe if you had boobs that would be cool, but let's be honest...penis just isn't very aesthetically pleasing.
GG: True. I wouldn't just blow you up with pics lol I wouldn't mind seeing some of you though...(Ugh...I am so right about him blowing up my phone...also, what is it with guys just being like...we talked all of 2 seconds before this...show me your tits?)
Me: Tisk tisk, I hardly know you sir, and you're offering to bend me over and asking me to send you dirty photos
GG: Don't try to act like you don't like it lol
Me: It is amusing, I'll give you that :-D
GG: Would you like to meet? (Jesus dude......what is this, like the 1000th attempt to lure me to your lair?)
Me: I'm surprised you didn't put in 'meat'....how funny
GG: Now, c'mon I'm not THAT bad...(Debatable sir, debatable)
Me: Sadly, I would have to pass. I'm laying on a bed, with a puppy and I am quite content. (At least he isn't trying to lure me out with things that I could do for him....lol)
GG: I don't mean right this minute (He says because I passed :-p) I meant in general.
Me: (I am so tired of this...it is no longer amusing) Honestly, you're looking for something I just don't have a need for. I'm sorry.
GG: Ok, well...I won't keep bothering you I guess...it's too bad cause you are sexy (He says for the billionth time. Really, the more you say something doesn't make it any more or less true...nor convincing. Also, just saying "Damn, you'se a sexy bitch" isn't exactly alluring)
Me: Again, thanks for the compliment but I just am not looking for any FWB/FB etc
GG: I understand, I am just really attracted to you
Me: It happens occasionally, some guys like the exotic but sturdy look
GG: Anything I can do to change your mind?
Me: Not at the moment no, but thank you just the same.
A few days later...........
GG: Hello?
Me: What, were you just sitting there waiting for me to get online?
GG: You got me
Me: How sad. You are a persistent one that's for sure.
GG: Actually, it popped up and said you signed in & I wanted to message you and apologize about the other day...but it seems you have an attitude towards me :-(
Me: How sweet, you were apologizing. Well, can you blame me?
GG: I guess not...anyway, just wanted to say sorry.
Me: Well thank you for that, it's very sweet of you.
A few weeks later........
GG: Have any luck on here?
Reflection:
Persistent doesn't BEGIN to describe this guy. He just....wasn't anything special. He seemed to be a genuinely nice guy, but just very boring. His screen name consisted of his college, the word guy, and the year he graduated from that college. I mean, doesn't screen names like that remind you of that bit from You've Got Mail? As I know this about myself, normal guys don't do well with me. They're not witty enough, exciting enough, nerdy enough...awkward enough. Yes, I have a thing for the awkward ones. I just want to hug them and help them be less awkward....sad, I know. One of the many things wrong with me. Anyway, I know this entry is long as hell but I just had to show how persistent this guy was. I do think that it was sweet to message me and apologize and not try to give convincing me another go. However, the message much later was somewhere on the border of 'creepy' and 'desperate' which is why I didn't respond. I probably would've had more respect for him if he wasn't super persistent. I just wasn't feeling the strong attraction back. He wasn't what I was looking for, but I did entertain myself for a while. In the end, we all know that's all that matters to me :-D
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