Birthday Plans

Foreword:
Today's entry is another guest spot.  This time by my good friend M, telling of a birthday dinner gone wrong.  Who, by the way is a male.  Do you feel the testosterone levels rising already?  I know that I do.  It's part of my Google stats Blogger provides.  -S

Meat & Potatoes:
Its my birthday and no one wants to be alone on their birthday, or so I've heard.  My friends were all busy and with no family in town I was desperate.  Everyone knows we make really smart choices when we are desperate. In my search to find someone to have a meal with, I had made a connection on a dating site.  Of course I didn't pay attention to her blurry and tiny photo where she looked average but not horrible. I had messaged her maybe three emails and not long ones at that. I decided to ask her to meet me for dinner and was shocked that she immediately replied, saying yes. I knew in my gut that something might go wrong but being a happy go lucky and oblivious adventurer, I knew I could handle it. She shows up at the restaurant.  She is twenty five years older than her photo and looked like she had been rode hard and put away wet. In all ways of the phrasing that you can imagine. 

 We sit down to dinner and the waitress takes our drink order and runs off to grab our beverages as quickly as possible.  What scared away the waitress you may ask?  No, it wasn't the fact that I was sitting across the table from Sloth's (from The Goonies) sister, but rather this fine specimen of a woman took out a pocket knife and started scraping out the dirt from under her fingernails. She was doing this over the table and then brushing the scrapings onto the floor, into the direction of the waitress!  I can only imagine the look that I'm giving her, and she blurts out that she's always self conscious about the dirt under her nails because she took a class once where they swabbed every one's nails and created a culture from the bacteria underneath.  I didn't have the heart to tell her that scraping them with a dirty pocket knife wouldn't help so I just nod my head and tell her how fascinating it was.

To roll with the punches, and not rudely storm out of dinner on my own birthday in disgust, I do the only thing a man who likes to hunt and appreciates a fine blade does....I engage her about the knife.  Before long she has six knives splayed out on the table showing them off to me like any proud knife collector would, who comes ready for a Sharks & Jets style knife fight.  The rest of the night goes comparatively well all things considered because I decide to keep the topic on hunting and knives, and away from nail scraping habits.


Reflection:
At the end of the evening, she seemed to think that things went well because she asked me if I wanted to come back to her place.  I declined though my balls were very upset with me, they wanted birthday sex.  However, in the end I learned a valuable lesson.  The Lesson learned here, was that even when you are desperate for a date its better to properly know who they are before asking them out. Or at least have a feeling whether or not they're going to pull out six knives at the dinner table.  As my friend tells me all the time don't stick your dick in crazy, and occasionally I actually listen to my personal Jiminy Cricket named S.  - M