justneckbeardthings

Foreword:

So, I came across this profile on Tinder.  There was only one photo, of the original Star Wars logo.  The 500 characters were humorous, interesting and I was curious as to what kind of person this guy was.  After swiping right, I discovered that the guy was horrible at responding, pretty funny and seemed genuinely nice.  Although, I had no idea what he looked like I decided to just chat and see what happened.  Eventually, he made it to my phone (mostly because the Tinder notifications stopped working) and well.....I changed his name do Donald The Neckbeard after the first text on my phone.  Not once during our conversations did I ever feel like I was in danger of interacting with a neckbeard but it happened anyway.  I'll just let you enjoy things as they unfolded. - S

Meat & Potatoes:

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=neckbeard

http://www.reddit.com/r/neckbeard

http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/neckbeard

Bonus link for my readers - Probably my favorite of the 4 here

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=manic+pixie+dream+girl



























Reflection:
From that point on our conversation delved into things that make no difference and eventually I text him that I didn't think it would work out and that i was seeing where things went with someone else.  All of which were true.  I didn't offer to be friends, out of fear that he would just be strung along despite me being honest that it would never happen between us.  Of course he did offer to be friends, and I having a heart occasionally, reluctantly conceded.  He then proceeded to tell me that "In the spirit of honesty, he would be a liar if he didn't say that he had started developing feelings for me..."  Which, was exactly what I was afraid of!!!  I have been basically giving him the cold shoulder since, but he still sends me texts every few days.  I haven't responded to any of them.  So, thus ends (sort of) my encounter with Donald The Neckbeard. - S

Guest Spot: Twofer

Forward From S:
Ladies and Gentlemen, basically all the classy folk who read this fair blog. We have ourselves here a guest spot and it's a twofer. That's right, you get two stories about awkward dates one night after another. Exciting right? Well, welcome our guest blogger P. He's a Bisexual man and he's going on dates with two men. Just a clarification so that the pronoun games don't get too confusing. - S

Foreword From P:
I had been using OKCupid for a long time now. For me personally, it seems like it's either raining dates left and right or I go through a dry spell. However, the rains don't always bring prosperity, as was the case for me around summer of last year.

I had been talking to two guys on OKCupid, and both had agreed to meet up with me. The first guy, who we will call Ryan, was 31 years old and really seemed excited about meeting me. We had a decent conversation going, and we decided to exchange numbers. We began texting, and he asked me if I could send him another picture of myself. I complied, and he responded by telling me I was about the most beautiful guy on the planet. I asked for a picture of him and... was less thrilled with the results. It looked so different than his other picture. Nonetheless, I was still willing to meet him. I mean, he seemed like such a nice guy after all... right?

Guy #2, who we'll call Sam, and I had a brief conversation. He was 22. I don't usually go for younger guys, but I thought he was attractive enough, and he was eager to meet me as well the day after my date with Ryan. I love the feeling I get on first dates and was ready to see where they might lead, as they both seemed somewhat promising.

Meat And Potatoes:
Ryan and I decided to meet at Olive Garden for our first date. I arrived much earlier than he did, and so I sat around waiting for him to text me back. When he finally notified me that he arrived, I went to the door and waited for him. He showed up, dressed rather casually and shook my hand. I don't like to consider myself a superficial person, but I immediately felt little attraction to him. His profile picture and even the one he sent me in a text was nothing compared to the real him. His face was very asymmetrical, and he was shorter than I imagined as well. His teeth weren't crooked, but they were just very mousey, and I got the impression by their color that either he was a heavy coffee drinker or that they hadn't been brushed in a while.

Nonetheless, I'm happy to see where things go. I believe that sometimes a person's inner beauty can shine through and really take you for a whirl. Sadly, that would not be the circumstance this evening.

Ryan and I went in and were seated. We began our conversation, and I immediately knew that Ryan was more interested in telling me about his life than learning about mine. I sat quietly and listened to him go on about his work and life. When he finally asked me about my job, working in a Library, I explained it a little more thoroughly, he responded by telling me how unexciting my job sounded. Thanks Ryan.

Ryan then began to talk about sports. This was a trouble area for me because I knew Ryan was an avid sports fan from his profile, and I was concerned about his response when I told him in the politest way possible that the only enjoyable thing about football to me is watching the muscular men in spandex tackling each other. Ryan didn't surprise me however; when I told him I wasn't really into sports, his response was "This is going to be a problem." I don't think he was kidding either.

By this point in the date, I was ready to leave. This guy was a condescending douche and not very attractive to me at all. But orders had already been placed. We continued to wait for our food in awkward silence, staring at the walls and occasionally asking the first question that popped into our minds.

Finally the food came, and we dug in... well, I dug in. About halfway through my chicken parmesan, I noticed Ryan wasn't eating. "Don't you like the food?" I asked. Ryan then proceeded to lecture me on how he worked in food service and knows how meals are supposed to be made and that the food tasted nothing like the item that was supposed to be ordered, and rather tasted like cheap teriyaki chicken from a Chinese restaurant. He sat silently cross armed like an angry child and waited for the waitress to come over. When she did, he complained to her and immediately demanded to talk to the manager.

By this point I could actually feel my soul leaving my body. I almost stood up and walked out. But if I had friends, I couldn't bring you the riveting ending to our tale, could I? The manager came over, and for ten minutes, Ryan complained to the manager about his food, not because he found a hair in it, not because it was undercooked, but because he didn't like the taste. He then had the gull to offer cooking tips that he wanted the manager to pass on to his cooks so that the pork he ordered would taste better to future diners. I pulled out my phone and texted a friend, telling him about how well my date was going.

The manager profusely apologized and Ryan not only got his meal for free, but also received a gift card for his next visit. Ryan of course never offered to use the gift card for my meal and instead pocketed it. Stay classy, Ryan.

I paid for MY meal, and we left. I normally like to end dates with a hug, but in this case a handshake sufficed. We said goodbye, and never contacted one another again.

The next day, Sam and I met at Panera. This story isn't nearly as funny or exciting... in fact, it was neither. Sam turned out to be very cute, but absurdly short. On top of that, our date was three hours of exhausting discussion, where I asked questions and he responded with a monotone voice. Any other points in our date were filled with uncomfortable silence. When I would try to hint that I was done with our date by saying "Well, I'm sure you've got places to be," he would tell me that he was free all day, and then actually initiate a conversation, preventing me from escaping, until I eventually said "Well, I need to get going." Much like Ryan, we never spoke again.

Reflection:
Often times, when dates fail, I tend to take quite a bit of personal responsibility. I feel like the people I date are a reflection of myself, and when you get two duds in a row who are not only duds, but spectacular duds, it tends to hit your self confidence a little hard.

But I also take dating as a learning experience. I get to know a little bit more about myself with each date I go on.

Ryan was a fine example of someone I wouldn't even want to be friends with. He was a very judgmental and condescending prick. For a while, I wondered if he was so uninterested in me that he actually sabotaged the date on purpose. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that that's just the kind of person he was. And that's probably a major reason he was still single. As for Sam, bless his heart, he was a kind person, but I was so bored, my forehead actually became numb during our date.

When it rains, it pours.

-P

One Liners Wasted On People...As Usual

Foreword:
As you probably know by now, I am not a huge fan of just starting things out saying "Hey", "How are you?"  Or the oh so popular "Hi".  Unless it's in person, it's just a way of showing me that you are lazy.  Throw a little something in there, well thought out, witty....hell even creepy.  Don't waste my time.  That is a surefire way to get some kind of smartass comment back.  Luckily, I think that the number of women on dating websites is enough now that they have bitched ad nauesum to their guy friends about how much it aggravates the shit out of us ladies.  So, I haven't run into a lot of that lately.  I have on the flip side, wasted a lot of one liners on guys over time.  Here are some of them with photos if I felt they were important. - S


Meat & Potatoes:

     Clearly b.o. jokes are not response worthy....who knew?

This is probably the best explanation as to why I'm not a hit with the ladies on dating sites.

\

Really?  Nothing from a horrible movie reference that you basically were referencing in your profile?  Man, I guess I am really that fugly.

He seemed boring anyway.

I wasn't being a dick, I just really wanted to know.  I still don't know.....damn it now I'm debating bothering him until he tells me.

If you couldn't tell, I hadn't learned from my last b.o. joke....I probably still won't learn :-D

   Clearly SOMEONE isn't a Lonely Island Fan....

Oh c'mon, that's a pop culture reference and not just a Hitchhiker's Guide  reference....amateur....

It's ok, there's a whole song devoted to the distaste for a One Minute Man...sang it Missy!

Seriously....one of my biggest pet peeves.  I know that the psychology behind it is that when you're in a group shot that you always look better because people associate the best features from each person with the person in the photo.  However, you asshole EVERY photo can't be you and a group of friends.  Fucking annoying trying to figure out which one is the common factor.  Also, usually this ends in a disappointing moment when you realize that the person who owns the profile is the less attractive looking one.  Bait and switch mothafucka!

He referenced having a fax machine and Office Space.  The least you could do is give me a smiley back, jeeze.

You're welcome.  I bet he changed his profile after that message.  Ungrateful bastard.





















     In his defense, he was foreign.  I think that I confused him

Reflection:
After going through all this stuff, I feel like some of the weirdos I never respond to are similar to me in that they're just amusing themselves.  However, when I do come across someone clearly just joking around I always respond.  I feel bad for these poor guys just trying to get laid.  Oh wait, nevermind.  I leave you with this last parting photo as my gift to you.  Enjoy! - S

Poor Guy......

Foreword:
I am, as you probably realized collecting things on Tinder to post here.  Most of which hasn't yielded any grand stories as of yet, but I thought that people might enjoy this little conversation I had with someone the other night.  -S

Meat & Potatoes:

**Crickets***

Reflection:
I'll be honest, it's not like I haven't ever hooked up with a random stranger before.  However, I feel like guys who just go all in like that are ballsy and from what I've been told actually yield results.  Especially when dealing with a hook up site like Tinder.  I don't open generally with anything stupid like "Hey" and I feel like that's an accurate representation of me in general.  You'll see soon some of the best opening one liners I've come up with.  Most of which, of course getting no response at all.  The funny thing about this site is that you have to like someone first before they'll get thrown into your match ups at the front.  So if we both liked each other, why aren't you responding?  A very popular strategy in these kinds of things is to just always swipe to the right (showing interest) and then go back through later, not having read what they have to say and basing it entirely off of the main photo.  Even I sometimes just do the first photo instant decision, so I get it.  I am anymore, just as usual amusing myself so I send almost everyone a message if we match.  I feel like that's just polite.  Even if they say off the wall things confusing the poor person at the other end of this fiasco.  I am still gathering data, so we will see what results I yield.  :-)

The Fuss About Tinder

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Sci Fi Speed Dating: A Repeat Offender's First Impressions

Foreword:
As a self proclaimed nerd girl, I do occasionally attend a comic con or expo.  At these events there usually is Sci Fi Speed Dating, which is just like regular speed dating but with all the daters being con goers.  Selecting the dating pool from a con full of nerds, can be exactly what you think it would...very sketchy.  Today I'll tell you about the first time I participated in one.  The people I ran into and what resulted from our exchange of contact info. - S

Background Info and Definitions:
Comic Con or Con: Personally, I define it as a big organized gathering where people pay to enter and interact with artists, entertainers, vendors and people with varying levels of influence in nerdy genres.  This can include comics, tv, movies, games, music, cosplay, and various other pop culture items.  People who attend these kinds of things are deemed "nerds" or "geeks" automatically as the main theme is quite frequently comic books.  Other stereotypes are that everyone who attends is fat, ugly, unemployed, lives in their parents basement, socially awkward and well...you get the idea.  If you are interested in other definition variations you can direct yourself to Urban Dictionary.

Speed Dating:  Single males and females come together in a large group to speak with multiple people in 3 minute increments, or 3 minute "dates".  After the 3 minutes are over the man moves on to the next female and the date starts over with a new victim.  Everyone is assigned a number, rather than giving their name, and takes notes to remind them which people they want to potentially speak with again/exchange contact info with.  When everyone has returned to their original first 'date' the speed dating is over.  People then mark down on a piece of paper which people they want to give their contact information, and turn in the paper to the organizer.  The organizers then match up who was interested and send that info off via email within the next few days.

There are variations on the above info.  Some speed dating setups are that you just write your number/name and info on a sheet that will be directly given to the person it belongs to.  Some companies tell you only to write down the number of people you're interested in.  The age ranges can vary from the specific to the very broad, the location, LGBT friendly, and even the themes or interest areas also can be different.  For the Sci Fi Speed Dating ones it's just restricted to men and women who are attending a con, and sign up.  There can be a LGBT session as well depending on the size of the con and the amount of people who sign up.

Con Hotness Bonus Points:  In short you get 1-2 bonus points on the 1-10 generic social hotness scale where 10 is high and 1 is low, just for being a female at a con.  So personally, I rank myself as about a 5-6 on any given day based on whether or not I've actually put any effort in.  Once I walk into a con, I automatically get at least 1 bonus hotness point.  Here is where things get interesting, depending on the specific geek observing/rating you, there can be additional hotness points added.  If a girl is really into something that the guy really loves, then she can get even more points.  This is however subjective, and like all ratings can be completely different for everyone, but is meant as just a general rule of thumb.

All right, now that we have the boring stuff out of the way, on to the experience itself.

Meat & Potatoes:
So I'm at a small Comic Expo hanging out with some people from a publication I work for and just enjoying the experience.  That was my first "Con" of any kind, so I was taking in the people in costumes, everyone geeking out about people I have never heard of before.  Oh, did I mention that I'm not really a comic book person?  I read some specific ones, but I don't have the vast knowledge base of pretty much anyone you can think of personal or otherwise.  Mostly I do small batch comic reviews when I do them.

Anyway, they had two speed dating sessions set up and I had agreed to go to one of them for an article.  The organizer was aware but I did my thing incognito so that I didn't mess anything up.  Plus, I lived far enough away from the con I was attending that dating anyone was pretty much out of the question.  So, when I showed up to the event there were about 30 people all together.  The women went into the room first, and we were given a breakdown of the rules.  The guys waited in a different area for things to start.  As we girls were sitting around waiting for it to start we all started talking.  One girl, we'll call her Amanda, said that she was especially nervous because she gets so shy around guys that she just clams up.  She doesn't even have guy friends it is so bad.  I talk to strangers basically as a hobby (the writing in general and online dating kind of is similar) that I asked her if she wanted a few questions to ask the guys as backup in case she freezes.  Amanda was all for that so I found an old receipt in my purse and wrote down 5 generic questions.

There were other girls there who were nervous but by the time I helped out Amanda I didn't have time to talk to the others for more than a second.  Once the guys entered, we all got reminded of the rules and the speed dating began.  No one was especially creepy looking or anything, so that being my main worry I decided that this might be fun.  Although there were quite a few guys who I talked to, only a few stuck in my memory.  I'll list each of our interactions below and what became of them.  I think that I got like 4 or 5 emails/numbers, which is pretty par for the course.  Even with the 'con hotness bonus points' I still tend to scare guys away with my sense of humor and personality.  I'm just talented like that :-)

Balding w/a pony tail:  I'll be honest, looks wise I was one of the better looking women at this event.  When the guys were allowed to find a seat, this one guy in particular made a beeline straight for my chair.  He beat out I think two guys?  Anyway, he looked like your stereotypical balding geek with pasty white skin and light blonde long ponytail that came at least to the middle of his back.  He was fine to talk to but non memorable at all.  I did appreciate the compliment though of him walking fast to beat out the other guys, but I just wasn't feeling it.  Seriously, I can't remember a thing we talked about.  I just remember thinking...."I wish that I had a pair of scissors right now so I could solve that hair situation.  I wonder if it would be considered assault if I just walked up and cut the pony tail in one snip....I wish I knew a cop to answer these things for me.  I could use my phone, but that would be rude.  Oh shit, what did he just ask me....".

Black Guy:  The most normal of the guys there had to be this black guy I talked to.  I was wearing a Pac-Man tshirt and he talked with me about video games.  I know enough to keep up a conversation.  He was the most comfortable person there by far.  He was really cool, funny, and not bad looking either.  I was really surprised when he picked me at the end.  However, he lived over 2 hours away and things fizzled off as usual pretty quickly.

Who Wears Short Shorts:  There was a man there in a bright pink wig, leather sailor hat, white tank top, really short cut offs, and platform red heels.  When asked if he was just cosplaying, bisexual, or gay.  It was a specific character he was dressed as, but I didn't recognize it so I forgot it.  I asked him if he was really interested in women and he said "Oh honey, I'm try-sexual, I'll try anything once."  Which is something I've heard a lot before, but I enjoyed that he was being so cool about things.  So I asked him about what he did when he wasn't cosplaying.  He immediately dropped down to a normal voice register and said "I actually am a professional video game tester, I do a podcast and a few other things."  He then immediately went back into character and said that he had a few other ladies he dresses as and that's when the time was up.  I ended up picking him later to be friends.  We emailed back and forth a few times, but eventually we realized that we had nothing really to talk about and it fizzled out.  He was fabulous though and I enjoyed every moment of our brief friendship.

Minute (And A Half) Man:  This one guy sat down and we said hello and he just started into his spiel.  Hi I'm John and I work in tech I am 24 years old I love video games and zombies including The Walking Dead Comics I also love to cook and travel I went to Montreal on my last vacation with some of my best guy friends I also like to read Sci Fi and Fantasy books whenever I have the chance I like rock music and I have a dog named Barkley.  After he stopped I looked at my watch and I was pretty sure he had exactly hit the minute and a half mark.  My only conclusion was that he stood in the mirror and practiced this for hours trying to get it all down.  I imagine that it was because he (like the girl I talked to previously) got really nervous around the opposite sex.  As this all very quickly ran through my mind I realized it was my turn.  I said "Oh, shit! My turn!"  Then I tried to remember everything that he mentioned so I could counterpart.  I ran out of time of course.  When it was done, he stood up formally shook my hand and left.  It was endearing in a bizarre way, but I still didn't find him attractive.  So oh well.  Moving on.

Quailman:  There was a guy who had a giant red Q on a green shirt.  So of course when I asked him "Are you Quailman?" He said yes, but he had taken off all the other parts of the outfit.  I told him that it was shameful to give up like that.  At the very least he should have left the underwear over top of his shorts.  He laughed and agreed and we continued our chat.  He actually lived in the same city as I do and was just at this Con visiting friends and having fun.  I didn't find him attractive either, but very funny, so I left my number for him.  He did not leave his for me and I didn't realize this until later.  As soon as the session was done I caught a group of people in outfits so I was taking photos.  Quailman happened to be there, and waited awkwardly while I worked and then got pissed off and went away when I took too long.  I had waved at him while I was doing things and smiled.  Honestly, I was very turned off when he huffed away.  Later on I saw him in the crowd and I tried to walk over to him.  He got super awkward and pretty much did an about face to run away.  Now I know why you're single dude.  Grow up.

Yo Teach!:  The last (but not least) person that I remember from this particular dating experience is a guy who is a teacher.  He was absolutely hysterically funny, we got along great and managed to maintain a friendship to this very day.  He lives in the city that the Con was in and whenever I am there for work or whatnot we try to hang out or grab a drink.  On Facebook he posts these hilarious things that happen with his son and adorable photos of the kid.  Having kids is a deal breaker for me, but I do enjoy when people share the funny stuff regarding their munchkins.  Regardless, it has been a friendly thing from the get go, so there was never any of that awkward conversation stuff that needed to happen.  Positives all around!  Gold star for you buddy :-D

Reflection:
Prior to this event, I had never been speed dating at all and overall it wasn't a horrible experience.  Dealing with socially awkward guys is pretty much my entire wheelhouse so I wasn't worried at all.  Plus, like I said, I basically talk to strangers for a hobby.  I was a bit concerned about the girl who I ended up giving the written questions to and luckily I ran into her before I left.  She told me that she didn't even need them and that the conversation just flowed naturally.  She thought that my giving her a backup plan helped and she even got some numbers.  I was so proud of her!  Unfortunately, she didn't take notes on all of the guys but luckily I did so I told her which ones were interested in her.  One of which, she was really excited about.  Oh yeah, putting TWO good deeds in the Karma Bank.  Good thing too, because I am always in need of things to even out my sassy mouth :-D  Overall, I felt it was a good enough experience for me to do it again.  No one was super creepy and I had a lot of fun.  Usually I walk away with a number or two, so that's nice.  I will tell the other stories from speed dating both regular and Sci Fi later on.  So you have that to look forward to.  YAY!

Dating Urban Legends: Taking A Chick Home From The Bar

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